Friday, March 18

Ghastly Choices.

We are faced with some ghastly choices. Though, strictly speaking it is not "WE" who are faced with this dilemma.

How does one decide if one wishes to continue to be treated, for an essentially terminal disease?
Not my decision to make. However it is now Gom's decision.

His quality of life has been diminishing, and he is faced with possible death, from withdrawal of treatment- which he has expressed as being his chosen fate- or a procedure, which may give him a significantly improved, balance of life. It cannot be life saving, but alleviating the value, and quality, of remaining time.

It is a difficult choice, and I cannot decide for Gom. He has to make this choice for himself, based on how he feels.

Having seen him at his lowest ebb, and also having seen him after transfuions, and other life saving procedures, I am not convinced he is ready to 'throw in the towel', to use a sporting term. The basic hope for life's urge for continuance seems to spring eternal in the human heart.

He will face weekly transfusions, for the forseeable future, unless/until he has the procedure. If he does not have the procedure, he can choose not to undergo further transfusions. Surely, the beginning of his demise.

If he has the procedure, and it is unsuccsessful he will be back at square one.

We have a date, for consultation for the procedure, and that is the next step of the way.
I feel sure he is prepared to undergo the procedure, and essentially, is not ready to call it quits,- yet.

I was very pleased that his Specialist phoned me today, and gave me a chance to ask questions we had previously not had the opportunity to discuss. He is a very honest and forthright man. I appreciate his honesty. To me, it is a form of respect.

We have a new GP, who seems very caring, and optomistic.
I am having further tests re my health, and also, ongoing treatment.
I am pleased to learn there are new techniques, which will not involve painful,  blood tests, which involved invasive taking of blood from my uncooperative, shrivelled, shy,  and extemely painful veins. I could drink a gallon of water, and my veins would not want to see a needle of any description.

Why do the 'blood takers' refuse to listen when I tell them where the best site for obtaining blood, is located? Why do they insist they 'know better' and take if from horrible, painful,  sites involving my wrist and thumb? GRRRRR!!

I feel ashamed, to be complaining about our lot in life. We have dear friends, who are undergoing far worse ordeals than we currently face.


An Indian Feast, designed by a creative eater! I do love Naan Bread!

Cloud Banks, tinted by the sunset.

Cloudbanks at the fading light.
The sky is a neverending panorama, to be enjoyed by all who might care to view. A Free Treat!

Saturday, March 12

Global Crises

Our particular little crises, seem to pale in comparison to the Global disasters we are witnessing.

Our beloved Christchurch, virtually destroyed.

Now.  the hideous Earthquake in Japan.

We  watch the events unfold, in fascinated horror. We feel ashamed at watching, but we want to know the magnitude and we  feel for the suffering of so many.

We are quietly disgusted at the Media take upon it all. The incessant braying about the 'death toll'.?? What the Hell is that about?

They should surely be celebrating the living? Incomprehensible.
As our son would say; 'People are "No Damn Good"!'

Our thoughts and hopes are with the folks of all Earthquake affected areas.

We consider ourselves 'lucky; to just be dealing with personal 'crubbish'!.
I shamelessly stole this word from Kitty,  who is a long time friend and blogger. I am sure she will understand, and forgive my stealth.

Gom is very unwell, once more, and I have had some further health issues. I refuse to address those at this time, and just want Gom to get the attention he needs.

I confess there have been moments when I have wished I could just drop dead, and not have to cope with anything, anymore!

There have been moments of such sadness, when we said Goodbye to our lady GP, as she has retired to look after her husband, who is forced to retire, due to his ongoing health crisis.
They are facing the return of her husband's Cancer. Everyone who knows them is  utterly devastated by this news.

They have been such dedicated and caring Doctors, and they are/were a dying breed. True, Family GP's.

As our lady GP said, no one wants to work the long hours they did. No one wants to have to care, when they go home. Nowadays Doctors want to work out of Medical Centers, where they can "piss off home and forget it all" when their shift is over, to quote our lady GP. She is so right!

The beautiful receptionists, who were always so courteous and kind, and understanding, as they 'knew us' and knew our particular problems. How they will be missed!
So many receptionists seem to be Rottweilers or Pit bulls these days.

This is the way of the world now.

I have to add something happy to this post.
This is my Great Nephew, who has just turned Three, What a gorgeous boy, and Hope for the Future.

Sheryl  Crow, & Sting.

Wednesday, March 9

Brief update.

Gom is home once again.

We had him for 'Gate Pass' days but now they tell us he is not 'bleeding out' fast enough, to qualify as a Patient Transfer. He will have to be referred as an Out patient, and it is our responsibility to see he can attend.

I cannot drive that distance, nor can we travel by train, as suggested by some Doctors. Gom is almost blind, and I am crippled, so train would seem to be no option at all.
Our son had offered to take us, but that may entail his having time off work.

We had been offered a lift with our Son In Law, but seeing he had his hand broken, in the line of his employment, he cannot honour that promise, as he is in a Plaster cast, and a great deal of pain.

The Hospital has a record for hanging theiir employers out to dry. His Human Resources Pitbull representative, today, demanded to know why he was not reporting for work! What the Hell?? He is in pain, and has his hand in a plaster cast, awaiting assessment for surgery to repair the broken bone in his hand. I find the whole procedure ugly, inhumane, and obscene. The HR woman suggested to our daughter, that he needs to look at changing his job! How bloody inappropriate does this woman have to be, before she is sacked? What a horrible individual. No allowance for stress, or pain. A heartless person, just 'following  protocol', to quote her. 

We had learned, earlier in the day, that our GPs are closing their Practice as of this Friday. I cried. I was shattered to learn the male, husband, Doctor.  has his cancer returned. His wife cannot possibly cope with a patient load of 1,000 plus. and I understand, wishes to care for her lovely husband.  We are in mourning for everyone, as they have  become friends, after 12 years of association.

We have had to scramble to find another GP. since we both seem to need ongoing care.  It seems we are lucky to find a practice,  which will accept us. How sad to think our Health system is so bankrupt.

We know Gom will need further tranfusions, but we are told it may be arranged for him to have regular transfions... whether he needs them or not! Hah! What a crock of rot!!
We had previously been advised he bleeds out approx one Unit every 3 days.
The sad fact is, when he comes home he inists on doing stupid things, which I am sure, accelerates his blood loss.

As I told the Dr, the mild, sweet old man they see in the Hospital bed, is nothing like the "Mr Poos", we have to deal with at home!

A very draining and exhausting shouting session ensued today. He went out to sulk, and has not spokent to me since.

Too much info, I guess. but I am at the end of patience, after all the cooking, and visiting, I have provided for him, while he was in Hospital.
He comes home, and turns into Toad. from Toad Hall!! GRRR!

Bryan Adams, Please Forgive Me.

Friday, March 4

So Fearful

These are harrowing times.
Gom has been hospitalised four times, since 23rd Dec, 2010.

He loathes Hospital, even though the Nurses are all Angels, and he is given great care.

He mistrusts the food. He tries to get me to eat his plates of food. I do not take up his offers. I do love vegetables, which he does not! (The Pumpkin Soup was divine.) I do eat some of the Sweet potato, and the beans, which are very nice. He does not wish to taste the Veal something, though it looks, and smells, nice. The Chicken Apricot is rejected, as is the mashed pototo, and the beans, once again. (which were actually quite nice, & tasty!!)

His neighbouring bed mate has eaten all of his food. Gom has left all but a slice of bread, and a Yoghurt.

As this is his fourth admission since late December, and they feel he will keep on needing  further treatments, involving transfusions and long hours spent in ED, and consequently various Ward Admissions, 'They' wish to perform a 'Proceedure" which could halt the condition. IE, the bleeding into his stomach.

This 'Proceedure' cannot be performed at our Local Hospital. It involves transfer, and admission to RPA,  (I believe this stands for the Royal Prince Alfred) which is a large Sydney Hospital. We have trepidatious feelings about this transfer,  and subsequent surgery,  As I post, we have not been given a great deal of information, about this proceedure, or the risks involved.

A Nurse finally told us, that the transfer would not take place this evening. We had been waiting for the Doctor to give us a further update.
I spent the whole day at the Hospital, awaiting word, on what was to happen to Gom. Late evening a Nurse finally gave us some answers. It is the only failing in the system.
We are not advised often enough, or, in enough detail. The Doctor who came to advise Gom of the Proceedure, did not elaborate, nor detail what might be involved.

I was horrified to learn that Gom would be discharged in the Central City location of this Hospital, after treatment and perhaps subsequent after care.l. I cannot possibly collect Gom from this location. I will have to get either our son, or our son in law to collect Gom. It is all very distressing.

I am fearful that Gom won't return from this proceedure. On the other hand, he is very tired of all that he has had to endure, to remain, even half agreeable to us, as a family, I sometimes think Fate may hold the answers.... or perhaps, the winning cards.

Tomorrow is another day, and we are hoping for some ansers, and some positive news.

Life, at present is a SeeSaw, and we have no way to gauge the outcome.

Queen , You take my breath away.