Lying to myself..

I have been lying  trying to convince myself that all these excess parts on me, are given to me  with a purpose. They are added lest I lose my appetite and need the reserves to live on. At this rate I could not eat for another year or so, and I would still not be skeletal!
It would not be so bad, if only gravity did not intervene and drag things down to inconvenient locations.

Not that I want to be skeletal~ I once told my very thin mother that Grandmothers are supposed to be squashy and plump, not thin and small like she was. I was not unkind, and we laughed. One of my nephews once told her that her skin was too big for her!

I tell myself I have recovered from the loss of my Mother, but of course that is another lie. Just as I lie about recovering from the loss of Gom. I wake most nights in a panic, wondering where he is, ...then I remember, he is gone forever.

Sunset, through the Lily Pily. I wish I had a camera with a stronger lens, but I could not really justify the expense.
I treated myself to a Tablet, and I lied to myself that I really needed it. I did not, of course, but am I glad I indulged! I get so much pleasure from being able to sit up in bed, and read my 'mail'. It is another form of lying, because I tell myself I do not need to get up, and start the computer to catch up with news and friends. I can procrastinate, and remain in bed a lot later.

This golden view contained the most brilliant gold 'chunks' that looked almost like symbols. I lied to myself that they were a message for hope for the future, for me. I was frustrated when the camera failed to record how brilliant and unusual they were.

I lie to myself when I go out shopping for groceries, and I buy beautiful fresh vegies, and then never quite get around to using them all. I read my many recipe books, and I promise myself I will try to make some of the best dishes. I lie. I am told this is quite common, and a Health Nurse told my brother she has given up on fresh veg now, and just relies on frozen or tinned. I know of friends who do the same, but I never thought it would happen to me, living in such a privileged country and circumstance, where the fresh produce is so readily available~ if not always affordable!
My Grandmother used to say, "The road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions" Yes, I pave mine daily!

Last night this crescent moon intrigued me, lying under the palm. My grandfather used to say a crescent moon on it's back meant bad weather. I suspect that might have been a lie of sorts, too.

I am not a gambler by nature, but Gom used to love to have his little flutters on horses, pokie machines and Lotto and Keno. I never bother, but yesterday I lied to myself when out with my family for lunch at a Club. I convinced myself I would win on Keno. I did, but it was less than I had invested, so that was another lie! It made me smile though, as I thought of Gom, and how happy he would have been to see me trying. I had a dream that I won a fair amount of money, and so hope springs eternal I gues.

Kenny Rogers, The Gambler.

Cloudboats.

I take the title of this post from a song I once heard a school girl friend singing, while we waited in line for some boring exercise.

Her sweet young voice was so exquisite, and beautifully true. I could not believe my luck to be chosen to sing in the same school choir as she~ my voice was made for descant and harmony.

I still find myself singing harmony to many songs I love~ even though it is only inside my head!

Nowadays, my voice is a dismal, cracked, flat, imitation of a voice, but at least I have the memory of singing in that choir, and the pleasure it brought me.
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Some of you may have noticed I seem to have rather a penchant for taking cloud photos, or sunsets. I find the sky is never boring, and some of the cloud formations are just so lovely. Of course, there are many times when my camera is not to hand. Although I now have a Smart phone, it has a somewhat dumb driver, and I have trouble getting my photos to be successful on the phone. User Error 19, I think they call it? Or indeed, any other number you might wish to choose! One size fits all, for me.

Here is another sunset, mild and tame. In the past a blog friend who used to read here, suggested I make a coffee table book of the life and views of this pine on the left.

This was taken a few nights earlier, and it held a somber blue quality that I loved. Yes the lone tall pine is in centre shot this time. Our palm in the foreground can be a nuisance or a frame. I do like it, and it is much nicer than the dratted power lines that can mar my shots.

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It was my beautiful Sister's Birthday on 15th Nov. I tried to phone her, but missed catching her. I left a message, and she called me back today. It was like a tonic, talking to her, and laughing. She talks 'Kiwi', and not many Aussies do, so it is a treat to hear from home. Her exciting news is, her youngest daughter is expecting twins! And, they are identical, so that is wonderful news.                                                          

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When my son was quite young, he adored the Pink Panther, and his father took him to several  Pink Panther movies, with Peter Sellers. As a family, we attended some together, and they were good fun, and we all enjoyed them.

Larger Pink Panther stuffed toys were hard to come by, but we had contacts in the toy retail world in those charmed days, and one of our friends informed us he could get us a large size Pink Panther.
Back in those days, there was some ridiculous Import Law regarding stuffed toys that were imported, into New Zealand. . If they had a zip, they could be regarded as something different to what they really were,--- a stuffed toy---(for goodness sake, what was so sinister about that?). So our "Pinky" or rather our Son's Pinky, had a large zip in the centre of his back, that led to .....nothing.  Just a blank aperture, with cotton insert for lining, and no pocket!

Nevertheless, our Son loved his "Pinky" dearly and he had a lot of fun posing him with friends and family, and  playing Pink Panther movie scenes with his sister. 

Somehow Pinky survived the culling and the paring, when we moved from New Zealand to Australia, and he is still a part of our lives today. Maybe a little tattered, and worse for wear, but children and dogs alike love him!

So here, is Pinky, posed by my Son, on my bed, with Zane the miracle dog. We still can't believe how lucky we are to have found him and he is the perfect dog for my Son. He knew a small dog would fit the bill, but he did not fancy what he refers to as a 'small poofy dog' with lots of white fluff. Well Zane is not poofy and he doesn't have much white hair, but his nature is just beautiful and he is a perfect 'fit' for Son.

Lastly, here is this evening's offering. I love the lightened Cloudboats.

A wonderful friend, Mary Canning has created an 'Open' Facebook Group, which anyone can join. It is devoted to photos of Ups in our everyday world, and anyone, who uses Facebook,  can post and join in the fun.

(Some of my friends who also read fb, will find a pic or two duplicated.)

A Psychologist friend once told me if you are looking "Up" it is impossible to feel "Down". I believe this is true, and I try to find "Up" every day.

If I did not, I would be a blithering idiot in some mental facility, quietly- or loudly, even- going quite mad.

Bob Dylan, Not Dark Yet.

A Song For Hope.

We have some dark days.

I always try to look UP, and see the positive.

This is dedicated to my beautiful Son, whose passage is dark, and troubled,

This link has been disabled by request. It is for Peter Gabriel, and Kate Bush singing "Don't Give Up" Always remember, We Love You.

The Veiw from Here.

At the risk of boring anyone stupid, who reads here,  I am posting my sky views again, after rather a long time of not taking any photos of the sky or anything else.

It is Melbourne Cup Day here in Australia, and they call it the Race that Stops a Nation.

In New Zealand it is also very popular, as quite often the horse that won the cup was bred in New Zealand. Not so, these days, as there are horses from other countries now competing- which is not to say that Aussie and Kiwi horses are lacking quality!

Not that I am a fan of horse racing really, but when I was a lot younger we always had sweepstakes at the Hotels, and later, at workplaces. Harmless fun, really, and when I was young and slender, it was fun to dress up, and spend the day with friends.

I love seeing all the fashions and the pretty young girls, and women, in their hats and high heels and pretty frocks.

I am not a Royalist, but I have enjoyed seeing Prince Charles with his Duchess Camilla, and I think they do look so genuinely happy together. A bright light, and who does not deserve Love?

Most of this post will be unrelated to the photos of my view, but they are something a little different. Also take my mind of things at ground level, so to say.

Yesterday was one of those days when I had to race around having an MRI & dealing with several crap urgent matters of everyday boringness.
Later in the afternoon, I decided to look for some ointment I knew I had, somewhere, for a recurrent  itch I get. My stock staple cure for almost everything ~Teatree Oil~ has failed to work it's magic, so time for the big guns.
Big mistake! It was not exactly where I thought it was, but my gosh! what a shock I got at the 'things' I found. And some of them were truly 'things'. Some were so old I could barely read the expiry date, (and when I did, I was horrified!) and others were just a mystery - to say nothing of the old grubby bandages, and dressings, which appeared to have rotted in their very packaging!
Various band aids, which were never there when I needed them. Old soap, old makeup- wtf? who keeps old makeup?
Apparently I do.

Gom used to go on periodic raiding tidying forays in the bathroom cabinet, but he knew it was more than his life was worth, to touch any of my precious rubbish treasures.

So, needless to say, a large bag of old and useless items now rest in peace, in the rubbish bin. However, the awful thing is, there is more to be classified dumped when I get around to sorting it all out.

I have written many bitter letters of complaint about our various woes. Some have elicited no response, and some have given a very satisfactory attention appearance. Today, a very nice man telephoned me in response to a letter I had written to the Federal Minister for Health. I had already received an email reply, with some helpful links to pursue, so I was surprised and gratified when I got this call today. He told me NOT to give up, and to keep trying to get justice. He gave me a couple of tips and was a very sympathetic and comforting person to talk to.
Sometimes a pleasant, patient,  sympathetic ear can help enormously.
One of my son's ongoing problems, concerning a decent prosthesis, which may allow him to walk, is at last being addressed, and tomorrow he is to have a fitting for a prosthesis which has been in standard use in Europe for at least 20 years, but is grudgingly granted here in Australia. It is not even that expensive, and so, for some who have worked hard and paid monstrous taxes, it seems ludicrous that it is not the standard prosthetic provision option, here in this country.

It seems I have to have surgery, and am not looking forward to that. It will not be a major, but I am a huge coward, and do not want to have this surgery, as it will be debilitating for some time. I feel I am not really in a position to have it done. Have yet to have further investigations, so who knows? Maybe I wont have to have the surgery, in spite of the lovely lady Surgeon telling me I will. It is a problem that should have been addressed correctly before Gom died. That GP has a lot to answer for.

I do love these strong and vibrant sunsets, even though I know they are largely due to pollution. They weave a certain magic to me, and remind me of the most beautiful sunset I ever saw. It was on Phuket, on a holiday with Gom, ~for me, a trip of a lifetime. We wished we had stayed there longer, rather than spending time in Singapore. In reality, it was our first real honeymoon, even though we had recently become Grandparents.

This view in the same direction, which is west, is of a very different hue to the others. I rather like the dark and brooding appearance of the trees.

Lastly, this is a pic of my succulent, which flowered rather nicely for me this year. I am rather surprised it is still alive, as my brown/black thumbs are not really successful with plants.

I try to look up as frequently as I can, and though it is not always easy, I do get a sense of peace from the views.
I also very much enjoy my Facebook friends posted views of Up.

Lastly, Happy Anniversary to my beautiful Daughter J  and her Husband P.

Neil Diamond. Canta Libre.