Thursday, December 15


This is supposedly the Season of Good Cheer.
Not much that I have seen, would seem to bear this out.

I have not been out and about in the shops very much, but the grim faces and crabby people would suggest it is anything but the Season of Cheer.

I am still struggling with darkness, and have not posted because of this.
My dratted knee seems to be slow to heal, and the pain factor is something else again. I was convinced it had become infected again, and spent the best part of a day at the Hospital waiting for blood test results, and xrays, and an Orthopeadic Surgeon to give a verdict on the red, burning, swollen and bruised looking knee. When he finally came to inspect the knee, he decided it is not infected, but suspects there has been bleeding into the tissue, which has caused all the problems. Result of Warfarin.

I refuse to take it any more, and will take my chances on other 'dire' consequences. Haha. Have yet to tell my GP of my decision, but if the knee improves and heals perhaps I will reconsider..

I suspect this is what a lot of peole should be doing!
Most of all, me! {Someone sent me this pic in an email, so I hope the photographer does not mind me using it here.}

A day at the Hospital is not for the fainthearted, and it is spent in an entirely different rhythm to life on the 'outside'.

I wisely took a book to read, having had experience with the ED when Gom had frequent visits. I never got the chance to read though, as I was seated outside the small 'office area' where an extremely motormouthed woman and her small child were waiting, along with other hapless victims. She was covered in tattoos, from head to toe,  and piercings, which she kept saying were not an indication of drug taking, which she kept assuring anyone who passed, she did not, would not, and will not ever take. I assume the weird hair and the caked makeup were not indicators either. She never shut up for the whole time- 2 1/2 hours!!- and we heard all about the rotten men in her life, the 4 children she now has, the fact that she is having another, and so on and so forth. All told in the most appalling grammar, and a grating loud voice. In the end I wanted to scream or leave, but could find no escape if I wanted a verdict on the dratted knee.

I did see several people I know, who came to say hello, and wish me well. Most of them staff who I have met either socially, or through my SIL, who works at the Hospital. He kept coming to check on me, and my son had delivered me, held my hand while I cried as the Dr took the blood, and returned later to collect me.

I do question the wisdom of having had the surgery so soon after Gom's passing. I seem to become very emotional, and can cry at the drop of a hat- to my horror. I am a coward, and my veins wont 'give' so having blood taken is a real ordeal.
Feeling unwell is a pain in the knee!

I just love this little pic, from the same email as Smile.

I wish everyone a pleasant and happy Season.
No music tonight, too tired.


marigold jam said...

Glad there was no infection and sorry you had such a horrid wait at the hospital! I dare say your emotions will continue to be a bit topsy turvy for some while yet and Christmas is always a difficult time for anyone who has been bereaved in the previous year anyway. I do hope that you will find peace and some happiness over the holiday season and manage a smile like that little pic or if not then a lovely nap like the little piggie!

Jane x

Stomper Girl said...

Dear Meggie,
Sorry to hear that you're still feeling low but I guess it's only to be expected. May I suggest an ipod for future waiting rooms? So ace for blocking out annoying noise. I take mine shopping so I don't have to hear shop radios blaring at me and distracting me from what I need to buy. Cx

Karen Christensen said...

I wish a virtual hug would take away the knee pain! This has to be a difficult time for you and with the added physical pain your suffering on top of your grief - I can only send words of comfort. Time is what it takes to get through it. And time seems to go so slowly in the midst of it. Hugs and a gentle smile to offer you a bit of kindness..

VioletSky said...

Meggie, my wish for you is to find some joy during this season, though I know it will be very difficult.

Thimbleanna said...

Oh dear Meggie -- it does sound as if you're having a rough time with that knee. Hopefully it will continue to heal -- bit-by-bit each day and will be well before you know it. I hope you'll be able to find peace and comfort in your family this Christmas -- sending big hugs your way!

Bruce Taylor, a.k.a. Catalyst said...

Yikes! Too bad the staff in that office couldn't have taken the offending person out into the parking lot to cool her down.

persiflage said...

You have more than enough to bear, and having such a painful time with your dratted knee sounds dreadful. Perhaps you can get some other advice on the warfarin - a lesser dose, perhaps, once the knee improves.
I am so sorry you are having such a rotten time. I wish I could help. It is not a good time of year to be having such a bad time. Just any little thing can set off such emotional reactions. Perhaps someone can invent emotional bypasses.

Jennifer said...

Ouch, Meg - not good. Sending healing wishes for your knee, and your heart, to heal. This Christmas may be difficult for you, but once it is over life will start to look up.

Emma said...

Meggie, having watched my mother grieve my father's passing five years ago, I would be more surprised if you weren't feeling very down. It is perfectly understandable that you are still mourning. Be kind to yourself, dear, and allow yourself to lean on the kind people around you. You will feel better one day. Our family took a couple of years to reach a new normal after losing Dad. Though we still miss him we have grown used to the absence. It takes a long time. I hope that the knee mends soon.

You are allowed to feel sad. (((hugs)))

Mary said...

This is such a terrible time for the grieving - the first anything is hard but Christmas seems to be particularly painful.

I am thinking of you and know that your beloved children will keep you close.


ancient one said...

So sorry your knee is still giving you so much trouble. Don't worry about being emotional. You have every right to be.

You sould tell your GP about stopping the warfarin. (My sister-in-law stopped taking warfarin and had a bad stroke) (They took my mom off warfarin and she had a stoke in less than a week.. not as severe as my SIL...) So please be careful about your meds. Maybe you could take asprin or Plavix or something different. Now that's all the preaching about your meds that I'm going to do.

I hope that you will soon see more good days than the blue days. (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Stomper Girl had a good suggestion about the iPod. I would suggest the iPad too. iPod will cut off the noise but the iPad keeps you occupied, entertained and connected to the outside world.

Sorry for the pain that you are in. I do hope that the angels around you will bring some of the cheer this season.

Isabelle said...

So sorry that you feel so low. I do hope that things improve a bit soon.

*Sheila* said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling low Meggie. You have been through a hell of a lot this year, you are entitled to shed a few tears, and it would probably do you good.
As for your veins not co-operating, mine are the same, so I know how unpleasant that can be.
I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm useless in that department.
Hope you soon feel better and get to spend some time with your family over Christmas. Grandkids always seem to bring out the smiles.

The Sagittarian said...

Yep, iPod or MP3 player would be a great thing to have! Things are always darkest before the dawn. I do hope your knee lets you have a good Christmas and that you find some peace as you wallow in the love of your family. xx

Pauline said...

Ah Meggie - pain and uncertainty and a touch of the doldrums will surely wear one down. Take good care of yourself. I read somewhere that research show if one smiles even with the aid of one's fingers at the corners of the mouth, the spirit improves. And is that a pig I spy among the pups?

Ali Honey said...

Happy Christmas to You Meg. I know it will be different for you this year, but try to have a pleasant time.
Hugs from Ali.

Lucy said...

Came over the other day to wish you happy New Year, then hesitated as perhaps it was not what you wanted to hear. But I hope you find some peace, hope and relief from pain, and would still wish you all good things for 2012.

Vagabonde said...

I am new to your blog. I was reading about the problems with your knee. I have a bad knee and thought that I should have an operation on it someday, but now I am not sure. It does hurt often. I hope that 2012 will bring you some relief from pain in your knee and that you will be happy also.

Vagabonde said...

I saw your comment on Idle Persiflage and came to your blog yesterday. I wrote a comment but somehow it must have been lost. I also have had problems with my knee so I understand the pain. Have a Happy New Year. (this is not spam, I do have a blog too.)

Molly said...

Dear Meggie---I have been neglecting my blog friends---too caught up in drama closer to home! My wish for 2012? Drama Free! Please! What are the odds, do you think??
So sorry to hear about your "dratted knee!" Such things can really colour our outlook on life.....I hope it improves as time goes on and that you have a very pleasant, healthy New Year!
Love those puppies!