Tuesday, July 20

Winter Thoughts.

How the time flies, when you are not having fun! haha.

We endured celebrated our 44th Wedding Anniversary on 13th July. It was not wet, nor particularly cold.  It was both, the day we actually got married.

It would have been my Beloved Mother's 90th Birthday on 17th July. I am glad she did not live so long, as I know she was ready to go, when she did. Her small body was worn out, and she was very tired.

Among her favourite flowers were Daphne, which always flowered on her birthday. I am lucky enough to have a shrub, and it is flowering now, with it's wonderful sweet, slightly citrusy, spicy, perfume filling the air. I cut some to bring indoors and always reminisce about Sweet Little Mary.

The garden is looking sad and cold at the moment, and it feels as if there will be more rain. We seem to have had quite a wet winter this year.                                                                                                                   

Gom is an increasing worry. A visit to our GP left me with a rather sour taste in my mind. I do not like to be dismissed with "Don't be so negative."
I am trying so desperately not to be negative about anything, but it is really hard, in the face of severe and prolonged depression in one's husband. Depression to which he would not admit, but finally is admitting.
It is hard to be positive in the face of extreme outbursts of rage and irrational thinking. Unkind remarks. Savage behaviour of a mental kind. Not all of this behaviour is due to his disease.

Our son is living with us for a spell, and he is a rock to me. His father's behaviour has shocked him, with it's extreme mood swings and seeming irrationality. He has been on the receiving end of some of the savagery, which of course, breaks my heart.

My sense of humour has seen me through some ugly and difficult times. I seem to find it hard to find the humour in much these days.

I have a problem of my own to deal with, which may be really minor, but an inconvenience, nonetheless. Investigations thus far are not exactly comforting, though they would not seem to indicate anything too dire-hopefully. I am a coward, so I am trying to ignore the next step of investigation, for the time being.

A visit to the Dentist revealed more unsettling news. Teeth are nothing but trouble from the moment we are born, it would seem. Why couldn't our gums have been sufficient to live by?? That thought makes me laugh... a whole lot of gummy people. We could have gummed our way through our lives!

I tried a new recipe, Eggplant Parmigiana. Sounded nice. Turned out crap. Never mind, I will eat the pieces. You wouldn't catch Gom eating any such thing as Eggplant, so I will have to eat it alone. Beloved Son B is making himself a Lentil Salad, which he loves, and is determined to eat for a few days to 'de-stress' his body.

We had Small Granson here for some days during the holidays. He was such fun, and he astounds us with the breadth of his knowledge and his reading skills are amazing. When he heard me inviting his sister to come for tea one night, he told me he wants to come too, bless him. He adores Morty & they have fun together playing with toys. He has not really known any cats, so he is very intrigued by Morty, and even though he has had a scratch or two, he is still delighted with him.

"If I close my eyes, she might go away with the camera!"

We took SG to visit a large Black Cockatoo, and there was also a large Macaw. The shop also had fish, and Axlotyls. Along with puppies and some rabbits, and lots of noisy small, and not so small parrots. I am kicking myself for forgetting to take any photographs. We will have to go back!

We have a new leather lounge suite, not purchased from the Slimy One with Bling! and it is proving very comfortable. Of course Morty and the dogs have been given dire warnings about NOT damaging ANY part of the suite.

It is nice to have good friends to call upon for some light relief. Thankyou H, for being there for meXX

"It's All In The Game". Phoebe Snow.


By Hoki Quilts said...

Oh my goodness, the joy of celebrating such a long time together - for better for worse we tend to say almost flippantly and then one day it's as is something is sent as a reminder. I hope you are able to find moments of joy and times when DH mood swings aren't so wide and you DH and your rock of a son can enjoy more pleasant times.
Daphne, mmmm. I've never been able to grow it but it's perfume is so heady I just love it.
keep smiling,

Jennifer said...

Daphne is beautiful, so lovely to have the reminder of your mother to sweeten life at the moment. At least you have your son with you at present. I hope your own trouble turns out to be as minor as it can be - just take each day as it comes.

marigold jam said...

So sorry to hear that GOM is suffering such mood swings and that they of course affect you so much. Life can be very difficult can't it? Did we enver imagine that some 40 years down the line we would all be old and possibly grumpy and just different from the people we were back at the beginning?! I am glad you have your son with you for support and that Morty must be a comfort too. Continue to find little moments of joy and beauty where you can as with that lovely flower and with your little grandson and so on. Love and a hug


Selina Kingston said...

I'm sending you BIG hugs and a strict instruction to please continue with investigations for your own health. Please don't ignore it or put it off. I'm sorry about GOM's mood swings and frustrations that you bear the brunt of and I'm outraged that the GP said that to you. At least your lovely son and your grandson are there to give you such pleasure.
Thinking of you you x

Cathi said...

It's too bad that a doctor would say that to you. I hope you can get a brief respite from the worries - as you must be drained by it all.
Love the picture of Morty. What fabulous colouring he has!
And to see flowers during winter is, to me, quite exotic. What a wonderful place you live!

Mary said...

Worrying a bit about you - you take care of yourself y'hear?!

Gom's mood swings frighteningly similar to J before proper medication sorted him out (that has taken two years).

Our daphne is getting ready to bloom - how I love to have little vases of it around the house!

persiflage said...

I am so sorry to know that GOM's mood swings are so difficult. It sounds so hard to bear. Please see to your own health, and I hope it turns out not to be serious.
Like you I love daphnes, and at the weekend was very tempted to buy a plant. I have had a couple of attempts here, but no plant lasted more than 2 years, and I really have no room for one - unless I go and buy a big pot and try that. Yours looks gorgeous and there is nothing like that splendid scent. I think I must have another try - you have inspired me.
And having your son is such a support for you. Mine was to me, this last weekend, and it is such a comfort to be the one receiving support and comfort, instead of giving it.

VioletSky said...

Having lived with someone who had a personality change that was not for the better - and not all of it due to his ill health - I can sympathize and empathize with you.
Take joy in the little things and please do see to your own health. (but you already know that - I am also a coward, so I understand!)

Thimbleanna said...

Ah, Meggie, I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it at the moment. I'm happy though, that you have Morty and SG -- I know they both make you happy. I had to look up Axlotyls on google images -- very odd looking creatures -- are they common there?

Pauline said...

ah Meggie - sometimes life gangs up on us, it seems. Glad you can still find the bright spots.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Sorry to hear that you are in such a rough spot. I hope that the doctor can sort out the reasons for the mood swings and calibrate his meds accordingly. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too!! Pets are such a comfort, aren't they?

Anonymous said...

I too am having far too many run ins with the dentists. Hope your problems and worries evaporate like the clouds before the sun.

~Sheila~ said...

I'm so glad your son is there.
While I empathise with you, I feel for GOM too. Mine is moody, more so lately, since he has a 'procedure' coming up. I tell myself it is worrying for him, but it is for me as well.
Having almost reached the 43 year mark ourselves, I wonder if they don't take us for granted, especially with their behaviour. They think it's licence to say and behave however they want, with no thought as to how it affects us.
So.. we take joy in the good things and try to let the rest roll off us. Take care of yourself Meggie, and take the opportunity now that son is there to go out for some 'me' time. It's amazing what a relief it can be.
I've taken grand kids to see kids movies twice this month and it's quite refreshing to laugh with them at the nonsense we watch..!
Big hugs

Anonymous said...



Warty Mammal said...

"Don't be so negative."

Let me guess. The person who said this is a) rather young and b) isn't dealing with another person's depression and erratic behavior 24/7. Never mind that GP. Ridiculous man. He really should have known better.

I'm glad your son is there. I hope his presence provides at least a little company and comfort. Caregivers really do need respite.

It was a pleasure to see your Daphne! I was unfamiliar with the flower.

ancient one said...

I'm with the others thinking that GOM needs medical help with the mood swings. Depression is so bad, both to the person who has it, and the one caring for that person.

I pray that the medical problem you are facing will be nothing to worry about. Do take care of yourself.

I'm so glad your son is there with you. Just having another person in the picture, who knows what is really going on, helps.

I don't know what to think about the doctor's remark.

I'm glad that you are still looking for humor and beauty in the everyday things.


quiltmom said...

My dear Meggie,
I will try to send you some more Maxine or some funny - you are so good about sending them to me.
I am sorry that GOM's depression and the doctors are so challenging- it does make for so much stress. I think sometimes doctors forget that their patients are people that need tending rather than worrying about symptoms and disease. I recognize that Medicine is such a complex thing but some doctors could do with more lessons in compassion.
43 years is a goodly number of years- My parents will be married 55 years next week- sometimes the road can be a bumpy one. We will be married 30 years at Christmas time.
Your mother's flowers are pretty- My grandmother loved Irises and pansies and every time I see them I think of her.
Sending you a big hug and some warm wishes,

Christine Thresh said...

Daphne is my favorite scented flower. I'm glad you have them to cheer you on.
I've never had to cope with constant mood swings (in another person). It must be awful. It is hard to keep your balance and know that you are okay.
My best wish for you is that the situation can be sorted out soon.

old_black said...

Hello Meggie. I kept private the comment you made on my blog as you clearly regretted making it.

I regret almost all of my life...if only that could be so easily fixed.

Isabelle said...

Oh dear, what a sad comment from Old Black.

I hope things are looking up for you a bit, dear Meggie. You don't deserve what you describe. (Apart from the lovely son and lovely SG, of course.)

Stomper Girl said...

Dear Meggie, I am thinking of you and hoping you are okay. Maybe you should see another doctor if you are not getting the support you need from the current one? You are carrying a hard load and need help, not criticism! (sounds like you can get that for free at home)

The Sagittarian said...

Oh mMeggie, hugs to you. I could almost smell that daphne from the pix tho', lovely job there.
Make sure you take some time for yourself, won't you. xx

Floss said...

hope you can find a little something to smile at each day, I know this can be hard, but it can make such a help.

julieQ said...

I am so sorry for your rough time...hopefully things will turn around soon. HUgs!