He likes his soaps of an evening, on TV. I seem to be almost allergic to 'Soaps'. I detest them, & cannot be enticed to watch any of them.
I may watch series of TV shows- such as "Gangs of Oz" or "Underbelly", with a strange compulsion, having been around, & watched, as some of those stories unfold. Having a second-hand knowledge of some of the characters, if only through their notoriety, & nationality.
Having watched with horror, as some of the stories unfold. To think of such wickedness. To think I was so naive to think the stories may have been exaggerated, or false.
Having witnessed a little of the life of Kings Cross, in the late '70s. Having been shocked & saddened to realise the reality of some lives. Having felt glad that no-one I loved, or cared for, was involved in any of that seedy, scene we witnessed.
To later discover, to my horror, that someone I loved, more than my life, had become a victim of the drug scene we had seen.
Not literally, that particular scene, but a part of the soul destroying drug scene in general.
I have seen how a life full of promise, has been destroyed forever. The utter waste, & devastation. The spiral into despair & hopelessness. The complete alteration of a personality.
Which brings me to the subject of of the title.
I find it very hard to stand in judgement of any person who does commit suicide.
I know all the cliches, of cowardice, & lack of care, & selfishness, which are levelled at people who resort to this method of escape.
I don't subscribe to the blame throwers. I can't stand in judgement of any of them. I find I feel infinite compassion for the them.
Every one of them.
From the young, who, perhaps have not thought things through enough, & have rushed to a hasty demise, to the very elderly, who must have agonised over their decision, & seen no light at the end of their tunnel, no way out of their misery.
Tail down. Tail up.
Having suffered from the depths of depression, I know how hard it can be to climb up from those depths, at times. Even clinging to the little core of knowledge, that says 'you will recover', 'you will see the light again', is not always enough.
The ones who fail to hear the little voice, or the see the small light glimmering, & go on to take their own lives, are not to be judged or mocked, with our small insights.
I can only reach out to them, & say their actions are no less valid than any of our actions. Do not judge. Do not think harshly of any of them.
It is not fashionable to discuss a suicide. It is never admitted, that a family member- old or young- may have committed suicide.
It is hushed up, & never discussed in families. It is regarded as a shame. Which is not how I feel it should be.
It is a part of life. Abeit a painful part.
It is too easy, to judge or be accusing, which, I suppose is all part of the hurt, of the feeling of betrayal, at being the one who is left behind to grieve.
Those who remain will suffer pain. But I would suggest, their pain is as nothing compared to the those who have gone.
Don Mclean, Empty Chairs.