Wednesday, February 25

"Touchy"..or "Taboo"

This may be a hasty post. I have been accused of neglecting the Gom.
He likes his soaps of an evening, on TV. I seem to be almost allergic to 'Soaps'. I detest them, & cannot be enticed to watch any of them.

I may watch series of TV shows- such as "Gangs of Oz" or "Underbelly", with a strange compulsion, having been around, & watched, as some of those stories unfold. Having a second-hand knowledge of some of the characters, if only through their notoriety, & nationality.

Having watched with horror, as some of the stories unfold. To think of such wickedness. To think I was so naive to think the stories may have been exaggerated, or false.

Having witnessed a little of the life of Kings Cross, in the late '70s. Having been shocked & saddened to realise the reality of some lives. Having felt glad that no-one I loved, or cared for, was involved in any of that seedy, scene we witnessed.

To later discover, to my horror, that someone I loved, more than my life, had become a victim of the drug scene we had seen.
Not literally, that particular scene, but a part of the soul destroying drug scene in general.

I have seen how a life full of promise, has been destroyed forever. The utter waste, & devastation. The spiral into despair & hopelessness. The complete alteration of a personality.

Which brings me to the subject of of the title.


I find it very hard to stand in judgement of any person who does commit suicide.
I know all the cliches, of cowardice, & lack of care, & selfishness, which are levelled at people who resort to this method of escape.

I don't subscribe to the blame throwers. I can't stand in judgement of any of them. I find I feel infinite compassion for the them.
Every one of them.

From the young, who, perhaps have not thought things through enough, & have rushed to a hasty demise, to the very elderly, who must have agonised over their decision, & seen no light at the end of their tunnel, no way out of their misery.

Tail down. Tail up.

Who can say, what despair, a person on the knife edge of their despair, is feeling.
Having suffered from the depths of depression, I know how hard it can be to climb up from those depths, at times. Even clinging to the little core of knowledge, that says 'you will recover', 'you will see the light again', is not always enough.

The ones who fail to hear the little voice, or the see the small light glimmering, & go on to take their own lives, are not to be judged or mocked, with our small insights.

I can only reach out to them, & say their actions are no less valid than any of our actions. Do not judge. Do not think harshly of any of them.

It is not fashionable to discuss a suicide. It is never admitted, that a family member- old or young- may have committed suicide.

It is hushed up, & never discussed in families. It is regarded as a shame. Which is not how I feel it should be.
It is a part of life. Abeit a painful part.
It is too easy, to judge or be accusing, which, I suppose is all part of the hurt, of the feeling of betrayal, at being the one who is left behind to grieve.
Those who remain will suffer pain. But I would suggest, their pain is as nothing compared to the those who have gone.

Don Mclean, Empty Chairs.


teodo said...

It's right DO NOT JUDGE sometimes the life is hard.
ciao ciao

Kitty said...

When I was in my 20s, I took the decision to try to stop judging anyone else. I had a sudden realisation that I could never know how another person feels, thinks, senses ... and thus had no right to judge them. It's actually much simpler to live without making judgements. Of course sometimes it's necessary, and that's fine, but the rest of the time I am wholeheartedly a live and let live person. Or die and let die person - suicide is awful. I have considered it more than once in my life, I know not why I didn't go through with it.

I hope whoever accused you gets a second opinion ;-)


Kathy's Klothesline said... desperate that soul must feel. So lost, so sad. The popular theory is that suicide is a cry for help...that the "attempt" wasn't meant to succeed. Who really knows?

Aroma said...

AlekSandra said...

Helo,I am sadly glad that you are talking about it,I was preparing my self to start olso posting some thoughts of my self about suicide,(3 times I tryed but did not go that way).So,I am here,and alive,and there are moments of despair,still,when I ask my self why I did not finish the job but then I think of my mome and dad,and than I am in peace with myself couse I know now,it is just a moment,it will pass.It's a shame that when you need the moust to talk about those thoughts,its like whole world covers up their ears and they wount listen,as if thats something shameful,to be blamed for,isolated and that's contages!
I am strong enough cause I have gone a long way to find that light,and I did but that makes me understand that not everyone stands the ground to walk on it.There for,I say,please,open your minds and your hearts,listen to what they have to say and do not judge,it is hard enough without that.Thank you again,take care,love from Sandra.

Lover of Life said...

It is so sad that life can take a turn that is so very hopeless. I think not judging others, in general, is probably a good idea. Glass houses and all.

Thimbleanna said...

Well said Meggie. Suicide is so very sad. I think maybe one reason it's not talked about or glorified is so that the young and immature, who might be having those thoughts won't think they'll somehow be glorified or given attention if they should follow through.

Christine Thresh said...

I don't know anyone who suicided.
A friend of mine said when her niece took her own life, "She decided on a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
So sad.

ancient one said...

We were told that an uncle's death was a suicide... his sisters and brothers refused to believe it.. the police said there was a note... but none of them saw it..

This man had very painful arthritis. He was also a pastor. Many, of the same church he was associated with, said if he did take his life, he sent his soul to hell... This bothered my mom... until she spoke with my pastor at the time...

He told her that minds can get sick just like backs, hearts,livers and other parts of the body... He told my mom that if my uncle was saved he went to heaven. Jesus has said HE will never leave us or forsake us... And his death on the cross paid for all our sins...

I have suffered depression and I know it is not something that you can snap your fingers and get over...

It is sad when it happens, but it is not for us to judge...

Now on a lighter note... I am finally able to hear the songs that you post... I'm so thankful for high speed internet! :)

Warty Mammal said...

Bleah. Soaps.

I concur with your thoughts on suicide. There can be so many issues, both mental and physical. I do wish parents of young children would think twice and then again about it, though. My mother attempted suicide in front of me. It wasn't good.

I am guilty of lurking a bit, coming in reading and then dashing off again. I neglected to wish you a happy birthday! So, here it is: happy birthday! Feels a bit inappropriate expressing the sentiment after a post on suicide, but that's me. Always the life of the party.

Julia said...

We had a suicide at the bottom of our street just 3 months ago..
They seemed like a lovely young couple with a little baby, but kept to themselves...we will never know why!...
it's sad to think it happened so close and not knowing anything, we could do nothing...

Blossom said...

suicide....BTDT too.......
depression is an illness............its a horrible thing.I live with it every day........
I don't judge anyone have no idea what they may be going thru.

Veronica said...

You are so right Meggie, how can we stand in judgement over such a difficult and painful decision as suicide! I can't help but wonder if the reason that 'we' don't talk about suicide or don't feel sympathy is because 'we' feel that 'we' have been rejected by the person who committed suicide... 'why didn't he or she come and talk to us about the problem - we could have helped...!' And most simply do not want to think about the depths of darkness caused by depression... some element of self preservation at work here. Sorry don't think I'm expressing myself well here at all! Warm wishes, Vxx

persiflage said...

I've known several people who committed suicide, although I did not know any of them very closely. It always seemed a desperately sad action. Although many people would have wanted to give help if they had but known, or did indeed try, too often there is nothing people can do.

Q said...

Dear Meggie,
My Father always thought it best to walk a mile in someone's shoes before judging them.
Suicide is very sad. To me it says a person felt hopeless.

Ian Lidster said...

It has been said that suicide is the ultimate act of self-indulgence because it pays no heed to the feelings of those left behind. Well, maybe that's so. I've been sad and I've been blue and have felt buffeted by misfortune, but have never been down so low as I wanted to end it all. Always was left with the hope that tomorrow just might be better. It usually was.

Marianna said...

I am with you on that one Meggie. One should not judge...I mean maybe if we could stop judging and start listening and understanding, imagine the things that could have been prevented in the first place...

Great post
take care
peace and love

Marja said...

I am with you on soaps Don't like them either I am also with you in your view on suicide To feel so lost and sad that it is the only way out must be horrible. I feel sorry for them

Lucy said...

I think the kind of glib judging of suicide you describe is perhaps a way of addressing the unthinkablility of it to anyone who hasn't been there; it's crass and cruel but it expresses the incomprehension and revulsion that people feel and won't face up to honestly.

My oldest best friend, whose father killed himself, saw a therapist for years who said once that the fact is there is no story to suicide, no reason or way of making sense of it; the person who does it is simply somewhere the rest of us cannot go. Another friend, who spends much of her life wanting to do it, but hasn't so far mostly for her kids' sake I think, says that while all the arguments about those who love her left behind make sense in their own terms, you wouldn't say to someone who was in agony with third degree burns who just wanted the pain to stop that they should think about their loved ones and get over it, and that, she says, is how the mental pain feels to her.

I've wittered on a bit here, I hope you find the strength you need, Meggie.

Sonia, Gary and Lydia said...

I just happened to see your blog on the 'blogs to look at' section. With so many people following your blog, I hoped that you'll be okay with me letting people know that there is a national suicide prevention line that people can reach out to. By dialing 1-800-273-TALK, you will find a non-judgmental, compassionate listening ear. The main purpose is to help people get through the tough times, and to help people find ways to cope in times of desperation. It's not a quick fix answer to life, but it is a place to call when there's nowhere else to turn.

Cloth, Yarn and Life said...

Hello Again Meggie,
I guess this is my morning to catch up on your wonderful blog. I cannot be silent about suicide. Ten years ago my father, at the time about 83, took his own life. He had just been diagnosed with lung cancer and knew that he had several options, none of them good or pleasant. He knew what chemo was like as I lost my mom and his wife to breast cancer in 1983. He knew the pain, the fear, and the agony of the disease. I knew he was frightened and I also knew he was in significant pain. He had just received the news on Thursday, my husband and I had spent that day and everyday with him until Sunday. Early Sunday morning he went into the bathroom with a 22 rifle closed the door and shot himself in the head. Opening that door later Sunday morning to find the shocking end of my father was horrible. I was hysterical. My husband very carefully went in to check for a pulse and then called the local sheriff department and close friends and family.

It was difficult to decide how much to tell people about his death. Several close relatives never knew, but two did, my uncle and his wife and best friends.

I knew immediately that there was no way to judge what the final transaction between him and God was and neither could anyone else. That was the final block that told me never judge, never! We cannot know what happens in those final seconds or hours. Who is to say that a man who is in terrible pain, who knows what lies ahead is wrong to take his life. I do not in anyway feel that what dad did was selfish, I believe he gave me a gift, of not worrying, not watching him die inch by inch and he gave himself the same gift.

Forgive my rattling on and on, but this is something that was such a pivotal moment in my life with regard to God, organized religion and kindness that I will never forget it. I can only hope that what I have said here might help someone else. I know that the older I get the more I realize that no one can judge anyone else, ever.
My love to all who have experience this loss.