Thursday, July 30

Loyalties

There will follow photos, which probably have no bearing on the textual content of this post.
I just felt I wanted to post the pics, to lighten the mood, or not so to speak.

Long ago, in another life, we lost some friends we had held dear.

I never really understood the loss of these friends, & could not work out the reason for the ensuing, seeming, hostility.
We had been friends with this couple for about 6 years. We had attended the divorce party, of the male, from his first disastrous marriage.
Gom was Best Man at the Civil Ceremony of their marriage. An occasion in which the Bride's father came to visit the City for the first time in 25 years!
Quite a feat, considering they lived not more than 10 miles from said City.

In the meantime we had witnessed the discovery, the awful journey of treatment, & subsequent death from cancer, Leukemia, of the younger sister of the Bride. A child of 11, whose life was too short, & too tragic to bear, for all concerned.

We had supported the couple in their grief, & supported them in their beginning marriage. We had cried with them, & rejoiced with them in triumphs of business, & property aquisitions. He acquired a business, & became Managing Director. A well respected business in the City. She acquired a more prominent position in her Accounting firm. All looked rosy & happy.

We spent many happy comfortable hours in their company. They lived on a farm, which was owned by the Bride's -single- brother. A lovely old homestead. We kept & maintained Pigs, on the property with our friends. We took turns to Market the Weeners. Bride + HYPH, Meggie + Groom. We boasted about better prices at the Market. We (I) helped with the neutering of the male piglets. I have blogged of this previously here.

As you can see, a lot of shared history & good times.

Then came a time, we bought our Country Hotel.
Our lovely friends came to visit often, & worked the bars (with pay) when we were busy, & stayed the weekends with us. Good friends indeed.

When Gom & I decided we would make the Big Move, & sell our Hotel, & come to Oz to live, we began negotiations very quietly, as was the way of Hotels, back in the day. We had an eager buyer, & it was all very hush-hush on all sides. A private sale negotiated in quietness & almost secrecy.

I wanted to tell close friends.Gom insisted we not tell anyone of our intention. I felt he was a little superstitious, but my loyalties lay with him.

I think later, after we had sold, & were awaiting a legal glitch to leave the country, our friends felt betrayed, that we had not told them of our intent. I feel it caused the rift, which was never healed, between our friendship. They were invited to our farewell party. The reluctantly attended late, & sour of disposition. It broke my heart, but I felt I had had to keep the faith of my loyalty to Gom.

I have wondered about it all, often, over the ensuing years. Was my loyalty also a betrayal?
I suspect my friends thought so, although I dont know that the husband viewed it as betrayal. On our visits back there, he was more than cordial...not so the wife.
On his visits over here, he contacted us, & seemed happy enough to see us, but we never saw his wife, & never saw her on an subsequent visits to that Southern City.

I tend to be a 'Loyal' person, who has friends from beginning school days. Gom on the other hand tends to shed friends along his way. He does however have long term friends he has had from school days. His Best Man from his first marriage is one he still regards as a friend.

Loyalty is a curious beast!
*********************
Look! How gorgeous is this little fellow!! My beloved cousin's Grandson.

Do you think he might be a Gingernut??


Hey look Mum, I am swimming!!

This, I could not resist! I love the LOL Cats, they always make me smile!



And this, just steals my heart! How touching, & it makes me want to cry, but I can't.
*************
In other trivia, I have had another haircut. Imagine my trepidation, when I turned up at my favourite hairdressers, to find he was not there!
Another male greeted me, full of assurance he could cut my hair.
I somewhat reluctantly agreed. We had a conversation, which immediately put me at ease. We laughed, & he did his scissor thing. I sat there, slowly realising I liked his style, I liked the shape he was achieving. Gom came to wait, he looked at ease. We laughed some more.
The man, who owns the salon arrived. Greetings were exchanged. He hovered a little- he normally cuts my hair.
The end result is very very pleasing to me. I told the hairdresser "Damn, You're Good!" He puffed with pride. Even Gom loves the end result. He even thinks it is better than the usual.
I suppose I will never see this wonderful haircutting man again. *Sob*.

Enya Carribean Blue

18 comments:

~Bren~ said...

I just read your last 2 posts with my morning coffee. What a nice read they both were!!!

persiflage said...

Friendship - what a strange and mutable thing it can be - but fortunately it is mostly such a beautiful thing. Your writing always gives meaning to our lives.

Calvin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lone Grey Squirrel said...

A great post. I have no wisdom to share but your post certainly provoked a lot of thoughts.

ancient one said...

I'm glad you love your hair... I'm having the same problem... loyalty... now how can that be a problem... My hairdresser who has cut my hair for ages, got sick. Now that she is again cutting hair, I went for a hair cut... didn't really like it but didn't say anything... next time it was worse.. I need another person to cut my hair, but I hate to betray my old friend, who has been more than willing to help me in emergencies, and she prayed with me when I was sick, when my hair was so thin from the chemo, ... I just want to cry... but something has to be done to my hair soon...She has stopped cutting for everyone except me and her sisters so she told me...

ancient one said...

I forgot to say how cute the baby is! VERY !!!

Molly said...

Adorable little guy!
It is sad when a friendship ends and you're not sure why. It's happened to me once, recently. The only way I can make sense of it is to think we were not really friends, it was an illusion.....

The Sagittarian said...

Isn't if funny what some people will "sweat" over...I think you're probably right, that would be why the woman went the way she did. us girls like to be in on the gossip, don't you think? It seems a bit sad that she's carried it over until even now tho'.
Lovely wee baby, ALMOST makes me want to go back for more...ALMOST.

quiltmom said...

It always make one feel so much better with a haircut, Meggie- Love that ginger nut baby- He is too cute for words..

It is always sad when one loses a friend even if it should not have been that way. Sometimes people change and grow in different directions- it never feels very good- Some things I wish would never change..
You were loyal to GOM and didn't do anything wrong- Perhaps it had nothing to do with the hotel - there may have been things happening that you didn't know about..
You are one special lady, Meggie- don't you forget it!
Regards,
Anna

Warty Mammal said...

Oh, dear. I'm so sorry about the lost friendship. It's hard to even guess at what went on there, on the part of the other couple. Something misinterpreted on their (the wife's) part, assumptions made?

In the end, although the loss of the friendship is sad and mysterious, it isn't your fault. People will choose to interpret events or take offense as they will. They also have the option of accepting that sometimes friendships have to evolve to suit circumstances.

There's a sweet-looking baby. Just the right number of teeth!

Marja said...

Happy you got a nice new look Wish I gould see it Meggie And don't mourn about your friends (everthough I would) We have a simular storey I also think that some do anything to distance themselves from you because they can't handle your freedom to go (not in a bad way) but I think most people act unconciously a certain way
I hope I make sense I think I don't

Pauline said...

How adorable is that baby - cute little gingernut!

Friends become friends for so many reasons. It's a pity yours couldn't talk things over with you and so clear the air. Maybe you could initiate a conversation? Perhaps you could send her this blog - you state your feelings so well.

Q said...

I do not understand friendship.
I have/had a dearest of friend for over 25 years. She would come to my house for coffee once a week. We were so close. Than for some reason unknown to me she became busy. So busy that she cannot come over anymore and seldom will even talk on the phone. No idea why.
The only thing I can think of is she has a new friend whom she likes better...
I am loyal too. My loyalty does stay with my husband. After all he is the one I sleep with every night!
Always enjoy my time with you...
Sherry

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Friends are indeed fickle. I think you did the right thing by honoring your loyalty to your husband. She, no doubt would have done the same. Still hurts to think that someone you had been close to would not want to talk it through and continue the relationship. I had a similar incident happen to me the year that two of my children decided to have weddings...one in August and one in December. We had friends who invited themselves along with their daughter and her boyfriend to our cabin for New Years. I wasn't thrilled to have company coming so soon after hosting two huge events and said so. They attended neither of the weddings and made plans to come anyway. They told us everything they wanted to do and have on hand and my husband agreed to get everything ready. Ten days before they were to come we had to fly to Georgia and be at the hospital while my mother-in-law had a quadruple by-pass. They expected us to get back in time for them to have their vacation....we didn't and they haven't spoken to us since. I guess they weren't such good friends after all!

Christine Thresh said...

Meggie, I am going to have to fly down and see you and meet your haircutter. I've never had the experience you had. You said, "I sat there, slowly realising I liked his style, I liked the shape he was achieving."
I need a new shape too.

Stomper Girl said...

Oh but Meggie! Where is the photo of your nice new haircut?

Rosie said...

just dropping by for a catch up...

Tanya said...

I think I'm a pretty loyal person too. Yes, one has to choose their husband over friends whether the friends understand that or not. I think we've grown apart from "friends" probably because of some trivial thing but still it makes me wonder if speaking aloud of the rift would really put things back together...