It seems I am paralysed, which may seem like an insult, to people with physical disabilities.
My paralysis is, I think, in my mind.
I seem to have days where I can think, and can contemplate, a life to be lived.
But then come the dark days, when rising from the coccoon of my bed seems terrifying, and I cannot see the point in even trying to pretend I am functioning.
I am not sure whether I should blog about this. It would seem, somehow to be, almost obscene. Other people seem to gather their wits, and carry on with their lives.
I could offer no judgement or comment on other's grief path. I suspect we all have to follow our own path in the healing, of a loss by death.
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We have had a birth in the family, which is to be celebrated, with much Joy.
Mum, Dad, and proud Big Brother. We welcome, little Hayden to our wider family.
A daytrip to a soothing beach was pleasant diversion today.
We sat, and listened to the soft swash of the waves, on the small serene bay. We watched young children delight in the sheer joy of being alive, with parents who doted upon them,
The feel of the sand, and the sun, and parents adoration, seemed so full of joy and happy memories in the making.
Ah to be wealthy, and able to afford Real Estate, in that small but beautiful community.
Dreams are free.
New life is always a joy, and this little boy will bring enormous love, I am sure.
I had been going to do a post about grief. I am living, an anniversary of a grief, which I still feel I have not properly dealt with, in 'real' time.
It is a very stange emotion to deal with in our lives. I suspect everyone has their own particular agenda, on the 'grief scale', for want of a better term.
I suffered an emotional meltdown/breakdown, (call it what you will) some years ago, over a seemingly trivial event. I could not understand it at the time. It was explained to me, that it was the result of a build-up of several events, a sort of emotional 'straw that broke the Camel's back'.
As it happened it was a female 'fill-in' GP who pointed out to me, the links. I was surprised, to realise the truth in her observations.
My regular GP was a very nice man. A gentle man. He was always somewhat discomfitted by overt displays of grief. I always felt he disliked seeing women cry, & his wife attested to the truth of that observation.
I felt sorry for him, when I cried, & upset his equalibrium. I knew he had problems of his own. Due to his wife's candid nature, I was aware of his grief over his beloved daughter's sudden uncharacteristic behaviour.
This resulted in me trying desperately not to add to his distress. I tried hard, to suppress my griefs. I can see that, with hindsight.
I had suffered a couple of cancer scares. One proved to be unfounded, the tumour is benign they assure me. I believe them, for if it is not, I would surely be dead by now!!
The other was 'cured' by surgery, & removal of all danger. Physical at least. The mental may not have completely gone.
*************** On to other items. On to Free Treats.
Veronica, gave me this Friendship Award. Thankyou Veronica, for this. I urge you all to take a look at Veronica's wonderful blog.
Everyone knows I am a notorious rule breaker, so if you would like this award, please take it. All on my blogroll are friends. All I ever visit are friends in the blogosphere. Please feel free to take & share!!
This next photo is for Veronica.How I wish you could eat a slice- before Gom gobbles the lot!! This is a Passionfruit Sponge I made today. In the interests of Gom's health, I cut the cake in half, & gave the other half to my Daughter & her family.
Yes, fresh whipped Chantilly Cream. Yes, fresh Passionfruit Icing, with melted butter to mix! only a little butter though. None in the cake, so really, low fattening points??
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In other treats, I found a book that has grabbed me. I had read somewhere that this book was quite compulsive.
I can report it is!! Absolutely!!
I bought it, cheaply, at a Garage sale yesterday, & I have scarcely put it down!
" It" is "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. I am finding it gripping, & I love the fact that it is 'written' by a murder victim.
The other small book is a new addition to my collection of miniature books, & at a dollar, it is well worth it! It has some ironic quotes, one of which is, Your Doctor can never be your friend. hmmmmnn.
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When I took the Sponge down to my daughter's I was given gifts they had bought us, whilst on their trip away.
Look, wonderful Special Jam.
And.. the giveaway label under the Jam... the Darrell Lea Chocolate, which is an Aussie specialty.!
Yes!! We love our Darrell Lea Chocolate Treats!
Well, Gom is a sucker, & I can be forced to enjoy one or two, now & then.
Gom got RockLea Road, I got Almond Crusted Hand Rolled Egg.
Self Indulgence seems so wrong somehow.
Lead me to the pool, for gentle exercise!!
I know this dates me, but I do not care. I am proud of all the ages I am!!
