Saturday, February 5

In the light of...

A long time since I posted here.
The blog lies tired, weary,  old, and mouldy.

In the harsh, and leathery, lined face, of Summer's harsh Season, we see the effects of too much sun.
Sere, best describes it all.
Too much extremely high heat.
Withering vegetation, browning, and dying, from lack of care, or water.

The rains of the early Summer have gone from our area of our State.

We watch with horror, as the deluges, and floods, and cyclones wreak havoc in our Northern, Queensland  State.
The floods of the flowing waters travelling South to our Southern State neighbours, have travelled an inland path.

Leaving us high and dry.

If only some of that vast amount of water could have been diverted our way, to fill our thirsty dams.

Our personal dramas are quietly ugly.
Not as hideous as our Neighbours, but nonetheless, horrible, for us to live through.

Gom has been Hospitalised again.
He is home once again, but is not, we know, fully 'Well'. Nor will he be.

Ongoing Hospitalisations are to be expected.

At least the Hospital is airconditioned and, whilst incarcerated therein,  he is comfortable, if somewhat bored.
I don't mind sitting 'watch', over him, as he has his blood transfusions, and his iron infusions.

I sometimes feel I have learnt more about the human body, and it's workings, since he has been sick,  than I ever did when I was nursing.

I have also learned that I need to listen to my body when I am feeling unwell.
I have been diagnosed with a problem myself.

It explains a lot, and I do not need to feel I am 'mentally unwell'. The diagnosis alone,  helps to get me feeling better. Medication is also helping with feeling better. I am assured once meds are adjusted, I should feel very much better.

In the light of the TV screen, as I watch Gom, hunching close, in a chair, I feel so much compassion for his failing sight, his failing hearing, and his slightly/occasional,  failing memory.

When he found out I too, am ill, he vowed to get better, and come home to take care of me!

In his last Ward, of Hospitalisation, there were many 'terminal' patients.
It has made me more determined not to get 'old' in that fasion, and I really do believe in Euthanasia by choice.

On a lighter side, I ended up in an area of the Hospital I was unfamiliar with- easily done, believe me, since they stuffed up redesigned our local Hospital!
As I was standing, feeling distressed and lost ~ lo~ an "Angel" came out of some wide doors.
I was swept into a hug, and a kiss on the cheek.
It was a beautiful man, (a friend of our daughter, and son in law)  who drove me in his car, to the car park where I had my car.
The temperature was 40 degrees centigrade, and it meant I was spared a hot walk.

In my experience, Angels do come in many guises.

We have friends who have been so supportive. We know they are there, should we need their help.

The change in personalities from when Gom returned home after January 5th, to his 'new' persona, after this latest hospitalisation, is very disconcerting.

No one has answers for me.

 I can't help but wonder why??

No one has any answers for me.

These are the 'Thankyou Roses' Gom gave me, after his first, post New Year Hospitalisation, release.

My absolute favourites, yellow roses.

I have the feeling there will be no roses this time around. He is very disgruntled and very 'scratchy'.

This hideous heat is no help to anyone, and we are truly 'stewing in our own juice' so to say!

Neil Diamond, Babara Striesand, You Dont Bring Me Flowers Anymore.
(but he did, and surprised me)


Stomper Girl said...

You do sound like you are having a rough time Meggie. I feel for you.

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

So sorry to read this. I thought 2010 was bad but looks like 2011 is not going to be any better for you either, and so many worries. as if your own health issues are not enough, mother nature is wreaking vengeance on so many places... Floods, drought, earthquakes, cyclones, ice and snow and all major events too....
Hope the meds do help

persiflage said...

Dear Meggie, I am so sorry to read of your further woes and illnesses. Write to me and let me know. I have been wondering how you are but have been so caught up in our own crises/dramas that I have not managed to write. But I will. We will help each other wipe the tears from our eyes, and the sorrows from our hearts.
Lots of love, dear friend.

Pauline said...

How hard to be both ill yourself and deal with GOM's illness! You still write of it all beautifully - hope the home stays outnumber the hospital stays. Thinking of you...

marigold jam said...

Oh Meggie I am sorry to hear what a tough time you are going through. It must be so difficult to deal with especially if you yourself are not well and I do hope that your own problem will soon be sorted and that you will then have the strength and courage to deal with life's other problems. Wish there was something we could do to help but maybe even knowing that you have so many friends thinking of you and praying for you does help a little? I would send you some of our weather if I could as it is certainly not hot here!!

Jane x

ancient one said...

So hard to read this post. I do hope you can take care of yourself as you worry and take care of GOM. I loved your yellow roses. They have always been my favorites, also. So glad your "angels" show up just when you need them most. XX00

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I only have words and they seem inadequate. I hope that you are feeling better soon. I am sending you only good thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I am glad that you are getting the medical help you need for your own problem and that it is making you feel better. That's good news. I am sure all your readers wish we could do more to help you in a more practical way but we are glad you do have friends there that are able to help. And thank God for the angels.

VioletSky said...

Oh, I have missed you. And am so sorry to hear of these ongoing and disconcerting health problems. I hope there are many other angels lurking behind corners waiting on you to need them.

quiltmom said...

I have been thinking of you Meggie and wishing that there were words of healing for you and GOM- a balm to sooth the strains of the day and the body. Perhaps you would like a barrel of Alberta snow to cool your temperatures. It is snowing again and my beloved is away in the mountains. I am fine - fighting a wee bit of a cold and do not have much zip today. Maybe that is just what the body needs. Sometimes the seasons have what we call the dog days -summer heat and winter cold the effect is not dissimilar.
I am here and sending you warm happy thoughts.
I love yellow roses too - they are among my very favorite flowers.
Warmest regards,

Mary said...

So strange... I was only thinking yesterday I must email you and see how you are doing..

I hate that you have been so unwell and love that your gentle humor and kind soul remain undimmed.


Warty Mammal said...

This will no doubt be a shocking comment, but I think we treat painfully, terminally ill dogs better than we do humans. If we love our pets, we take them in to the vet for a last cuddle and a shot which puts them mercifully to sleep forever so as to spare them misery.

I know there are all sorts of ethical issues and truly, this is something which shouldn't be taken lightly, but I wish we had a similar option for humans.

Anyhow - I'd been thinking of you and it's good to see a post from you. I'm guessing you don't have much mental or emotional energy just now, but I do hope that when the situation allows, you'll continue to post now and then so we can see how you are.

Ali Honey said...

Dear Meggie,
I love your yellow roses. I am so glad you have found out what might be causing your problems.I hope the meds get it totally sorted.
Having just had a wee practise this week at being a neighbourly angel I can tell you it gives the angel a real sense of well being when able to help another worthy human being. SO I wish you many more feathers and angels - I doubt my services will reach as far as you but my hugs and BEST WISHES most certainly are trying to give you a wee boost up. Ali.

The Sagittarian said...

Do you know, my dad used to buy mum yellow roses too and over the years they have become favourites of mine as well. I do hope things get easier for you to understand and to bear. xx

Anonymous said...

So sorry that things are so difficult right now.

~Sheila~ said...

Your yellow roses are beautiful.
Bless GOM for thinking of you, while being so unwell.
I am an infrequent visitor of late. We lost my FIL aged 92, and prior to that had been taking turns caring for him at his home. He was defiantly determined not to be cared for in hospital. He knew at 92 he had reached the end of the road.
Now there seems to be so much spare time, but no enthusiasm to fill it. We were never close but called a truce at the end.
I hope what ails you will be remedied by the medication.
Do take care of yourself.

anne bebbington said...

Thinking of you both Meggie - the roses are lovely remind me of my wedding bouquet :) (((hugs)))

Marja said...

Oh Meggie so sorry to hear this. tears fill my eyes to read how you care so much for each other and how strong you are. My thoughts are with you. Take care.

Thimbleanna said...

Oh Meggie. It's nice to see you posting again, but I'm sorry that things aren't going well again. Hopefully the heat will let up and things will get a little easier. XOXO