Monday, June 25

Do you ever...

Do you ever get up in the morning, and womder,... 'what the hell am I doing here?'

Have I died, and gone to some parallel universe?

Is this my real life, or some hideous parody?

Surely, nothing could jest about such sadness? Or speak of hope and gladness to be alive, when faced with the reality.

Our ongoing journey seems to be an overwhelming battle, with no light at the end of the tunnel.

We try to think of our distant ancestors, who had nothing, compared to our modern life.
We wonder how they coped. We just cannot imagine. Somehow, the thoughts of their struggles, does little to ease our current pain.

I have recurrant dreams of 'normalcy' when my son still had two legs. I see him walking and pursuing activities involving both of his legs. I see him, as I know him, whole and perfect.
He is still perfect, of course, but he is now diminished in his perfection. Not, in my perception, He will always remian Perfect to me.

We try to turn our faces away, from our own imperfections, and are shocked to see a reflection, of some imperfection society might see in ourselves, or our offspring.

My eldest son has turned 50, and I find it so sad. I wish I had been with him, to mark this birthday, as  I was, at his initial birthday.. He does not, nor ever has, put credence to numbers. As he said, it is just another number, and not to be celebrated, or mourned. He feels he is lucky to be alive, and living his life.

I try not to be Sad Sack.

I no longer trust anyone, and I no longer expect that life will deliver, what we see, to be a fair balance.
It is not so much the lies, as the Sins of Omission that I find so disgusting.

Rufus Wainwright. Hallehujea.




8 comments:

Connie said...

Thinking of you, Friend Meggie.
Sending wishes for a brighter day to come your way.
xo c

marigold jam said...

I do so hope that you will find some brightness in your life soon Meggie. It certainly does seem as though you are getting more than your fair share of darkness in the past few years. Don't give up though the wheel will turn I know.

Floss said...

Hang in there, hopefully the brightness will come.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am so sorry you are in the weeds of life right now, my dear friend. I hope things will clear soon and you will find yourself back in the happy blooms. I think of you often, as I go about my busy days and send good thoughts your way.

Lately I have been too busy to know if I am happy or sad .... I get a lot of satisfaction from my gardens and watching each new seed become a sprout and shoot to the sky. Makes me know that the circle of life continues whether I am aware or not. Time really does heal the wounds that life deals us. Not that we forget the pain, the scars heal, but remain to remind us. I am reaching across the miles to remind you that many people are lifting you up.

Ali Honey said...

I am sending you hugs and positive thoughts dear Meg.

ancient one said...

Hope you are feeling some hopefulness today. Just don't ever give up!! It will get better.

Isabelle said...

I too hope that the clouds will lift for you before too long.

quiltmom said...

Hi Meggie,
This Hallehujah song is one of my favorites- Have you heard KD lang's version- I think she does the best one of all- She sang it at the winter Olympics in Vancouver and it sent chills down my spine.. I am sure you will find it on You tube- if you don't let me know and i will try and find you a link..
It is a rainy day here in Alberta but a nice break after the very hot days that we have been having. I am going to do some quilting this afternoon. It is possible to think about a warm quilt on one's lap.
Sending you warm thoughts and good wishes,
Hugs,
Anna