Always take your specs...

"Always take your specs!", could almost be a 'grannie's' warning.


On the other hand never take your specs, if you want the slightly blurred vision, which reveals no imperfections!

We recently ate out at a Country Club, with delightful friends.
Standing in the queue to order our meals, one of our friends suddenly gasped.
"They must be joking!" she said. "What are 'Sh!tcakes'? !! That can't be right?!"

We all snapped around, & re read the menu items. There was an Asian dish listed, with 'Shitake' mushrooms.

Our friend had not brought her specs, & had misread the menu.
After we had all laughed 4 of us ordered the 'suspect mushroom' dish.

When the dish arrived, we were somewhat disappointed to see the mushrooms were not exotic in any way, & were in fact, ordinary, everyday, culitvated, mushrooms.

Thanks B, for the laughs.

No marks to the Country Club, for everyday mushrooms, but full marks for the laughs.

****************************
Today, I ventured forth to an unpopular store. Orifice Works
They advertise extensively, claiming to have excellent service, plus products.

I have been asked could I provide copies of my father's photograph for use in a display of local men who went to war, from his home town. World War 2. A memorial of sorts for 'hometown' boys who left, some never to return. Some who physically returned, but not as the person who left.

Last time I went to OW, I had very satisfactory service, a nice end result, & came away a happy customer.

What a very different story today's visit was to be!
The Poodle behind the counter, did not really want to bother with me. She reluctantly glared at me, over her papers on the counter, when she realized I was not going to go away.
"Yeah?"
She managed to grunt out, from under her newly permed load of haystack hair.

" I want to have some photos copied, please."

"Yeah, over there." with a vague wave of the hand in the direction of some machines.

"I will need these copied, as they are the actual original photos?"

"Yeah, over there, in the corner is a scanner."

I look around & see rows of screens.
"Oh. Thankyou."

Off goes Meggie. Completely ignorant of how or why or what, these machines do or operate. I find the scanner, which seems to need the photos to be fed into it, then spat out at the end. Fine.
One of my photos is on a hard cardboard stand, which is original.
So that is ruled out.
OK. I have a copy of another photo, which is on flexible paper, & can eventually, be fed into the fecking machine/scanner.
The air around the scanner is so blue, I can barely see the bloody machine.
I keep looking frantically at staff.
I see their eyes connect, then slide away, with some mirth.

I get the message. This is mind over matter.
They dont mind, & I, the Idiot Customer, absolutely Dont Matter!!

"You bastards," I mutter, very discretely.

After having managed to finally get a copy, sent through to where-ever, I go, to pay, & collect.
I am met with Short Haired read crew cut girl, who looks very young, & somehow innapropriately, cheerful.

"Oh NO!" says Poodle, shaking her shocking 80's (?) hair, as she listens to me requesting my forwarded order. "You can't collect it now! We are strictly a ONE HOUR service!"

I reel back, draw a breath, frantically look about the store, for signs advising such a delay. Finding none, I ask how much this will cost? For want of something better to say, ~ hell, I was shellshocked!

"Well" says Crew Cut girl, "This will be 89cents!"

I am suprised at the cheapness, but then, realise that is reflected in the 'service', haha.
To my utter horror, I then further realise I have NO CASH whatsoever in my wallet!

"Never mind," I say, "I will go to get some money."
I slink off, then hobble - & I mean Hobble! -over to the Club to the nearest ATM, to get some funds to pay for an 89cent photo!

Gom goes on little raiding parties for 'paper change'. That really sh!ts me.
Memo: Always check wallet, before leaving home!!

I decide to go to Fabric Store, which is next door to OW. I have a Gift Voucher from my daughter, burning a hole in my wallet.
Besides, I figure that fondling fabric with sooth my nerves, & calm my soul.

I am right, but I decide to exact revenge on the Poodle, & the slightly off centre Crew Cut.


I wanted "pretty for me" so these were what I bought. It is a shame that the dark green on the left of the photo does not show up.



This, in another order, but still not showing the lovely dark green.

I left the fabric store on a high.

BUT! I wanted to make my point, about poor service & exposure.

I marched into the 'Orifice'.... only to be met by the loveliest, most cheerful, helpful, young girl, anyone could wish to meet.

She was so obliging, & careful to acknowledge another, waiting customer, I should have taken her photo, & featured her, as a shining expample of how the staff should behave!

Gosh I am an old GOW!

Roy Orbison, In Dreams