Monday, June 22

The Long Fangs of the Black Dog.

The Long Fangs sink deep into the jugular.

It seems easy, to toss the head, & say 'Be off, you dark mongrel!"

If your haha, 'Partner' husband, sits in his chair, daily, with his (literal) dog at his elbow, & his eyes closed against a world he no longer wishes to regard, what are you to do??

Run screaming, naked, from your dwelling?
(Believe me, it has crossed my mind more than once!)
Were it not for the fact that my body is no longer for public viewing, I might have carried it out, just for the sake of some shock value!

Or, do you, join the 'masked one' & close your eyes to life?

I think, there must be a part of me, that doesn't want to join the closed-eye perception.
A small spark, that wants to carry on, & be interested & follow trails, see new things. Enjoy paths, that lead to new discoveries.


A public opinion poll.
Does anyone else, besides me, see some resemblance here?
Or do I imagine it?

A pretty girl. I know, her mother was her father's favourite. For whatever reason.

This was her Grandfather. He had her blond hair, her bluer than blue, to grey eyes.
He had one sister, who looked so like him. I don't have the young photo of her, that shows that likeness, but they eyes were the same, & the sad expression.

Families are like chapters of a book.
The chapters all become links, to begin, to make the whole story, of the book.

But of course, the book is never ending, & the chapters keep being added. The joys, the sorrows, the paths of the destiny.
It all surges forward, to detail the lives of the families, with the branches, the side streams, the monumental flood tides.
The changing of the destinies, the links to the future, guided by the links from the past.

I can understand why adopted individuals wish to find their families. I can understand why they feel they never 'fit in', until they know their genuine kin. I know how they feel, & why they feel that.

I wish I could curse the parents, who walk away, or refuse to acknowledge the bonds of parentage.

I cannot curse them, for who knows their damaged reasons.


fifi said...

Let me know when you are ging to do your nudie run, so I can turn up.
Actually, I'll join you. The world could do with the shock.

it requires great strength to keep open ones eyes sometimes....

ancient one said...

The part about the spark that wants to explore and do other things, I have felt. My husband wants to stay at home and work. As long as the sun is up, he is busy,busy,busy.. When he comes in at night, he sits on the couch and dozes until time to go to bed. Promises of Fun in the future that never happens...

The Fibers of Life said...

Your post is so poignant this morning. It is very pointedly looking at relationships and how they change, evolve and sometimes disappoint. I love your thoughts on adoption. Knowing family and connecting with them is so important to our feeling grounded. Thanks Meggie for once again bringing life's great conundrums to light.

VioletSky said...

I hope that little spark does not get dampened on you.

And yes, I too see a resemblance - something around the eyes and especially the cheeks.

I have a niece who came into my life when she was four. Photos of us in her very young days show a strong family resemblance. We used to just smile and keep our 'secret' to ourselves.

The Sagittarian said...

As above, let me know and I'll join the nudie run too. Actually, I did that one night (yes in winter in Christchurch!!) a a dare from The Stud, just out to the letterbox and back. Hell, it was 10.30pm and after a few wines it did seeem the fun thing to do. I was mortified when a group of walkers happened past at the same time, I shot back into the house and as we peeped out the curtains we saw them come back to stare up the drive!! :-)

Anonymous said...

Families. What can I say? What I can say is that by this stage of my life I'm rather happy I'm an orphan. Don't like to admit it, but it's true.

Jennifer said...

Yep....I'll be a taker for the nudie run too....we could really make the world sit up and take notice if we all did it together! Even the black dog might manage a grin.....

Alby Mangroves said...

There is nothing that shits me more than pottering about the house doing chores, and whatever, only to walk past the loungeroom to see Mr M asleep on the couch. GTE UP! LIVE! HELP ME! DO SOMETHING!

Molly said...

Yes, I can see the resemblance! Is she your niece? Pretty girl.....Hope that old black dog slinks away!

Granny J said...

Is it possible to start making your own life for all those moments when the GOM & his black dog estivate? Perhaps not the best solution, but far better than being ruled by the comatose.

Ali Honey said...

I am worried that by the time your spark gets the chance to ignite the body may no longer have that get up and go?

So glad you did the previous post to give balance. I didn't realise the nursing part.

lovelyprism said...

The do resemble each other! I noticed that before I read the story.
Nothing worse than a partner who wants to exit from his life and responsibilities. It's maddening. Hang in there.

Henri said...

Meggie , Our often quiet cousin has a version of the rather sad eyed photo you are meaning of our beloved Aunt , I think. He displays few photos in his house -- but that is one of them -- she was a favourite of his -- as he was of hers, of course.
As to closing your eyes against the world , think of our Uncle -- still open eyed & interested in life and far older than us !! Keep following the trails .

Reluctant Blogger said...

Oh yes, I"m on for the nudie run too. What fun! I'm sure we'd shock him out of his misery.

It is very hard to watch someone else sink into depression (or watch anyone suffer anything to be honest) but you have to concentrate on yourself and keep your spark burning.

As for adoption - I guess many people do believe they are doing the best things for their children by giving them to someone who can give them a decent home. I know I could NEVER do it whatever the circumstances but I am a product of my upbringing and others have not had that advantage.

So when's the run? I'm ready!

Ulrike said...

The bodies that are thought to be no longer for public viewing are the loveliest to draw.

persiflage said...

Depression is very hard to live with, and can give to many sad thoughts to others in the family, especially those closest. Yes, a nudie run might drive off some of the enervation.
Your comments about adopted children needing to find their origins are so true. A dear friend felt abandoned all her life. By the time she found out about her parents her mother had been dead many years. But my friend obtained letters her mother had written and found out that they shared very similar interests. This meant so much to her.
I am thinking of you, and thank you for your support of me.

Selina Kingston said...

Meggie you always make so reflective and you create gnawing questions deep within me. You've made me cry today and I don't even know why.

It could be because I've been thinking a lot of my dad recently but probably because my friend who was adopted told me this week she and her husband can't have children and now she suddenly feels lost because there's no one in the world that she feels she belongs to or who belongs to her and that has made her so depressed which is very unlike her.

Warty Mammal said...

That damned black dog. The naked screaming run has its merits. Mightn't it shock the husband out of his chair? He'd at least have to get up to bail you out of jail.

Banishing the black dog can be easier said than done, but I think one must try. Where is it written that you must exist in a state of stultification just because your partner has tacitly made certain decisions, without consulting you, yet? You're alive and lively. Feed that spark, however you can. Don't let it die out. There's nothing disloyal about that!

Catherine said...

Your post really resonated -- the bit about adopted people wanting to find their families. It's something I have thought about for years. Your one sentence made it so clear to me that I should take the step. Thank you!

Jeanette said...

Gday Meggie. I can understand people wanting to find out about their biological families.
You see my father died when I was 4 and Mum passed away 13 years ago aged 95. wouldnt talk about him. all we know is he died from war injuries in her arms..not even a photo.