Tuesday, April 8

The Aging Question

No matter how young we feel, or really are, chronologically, we come to the point where we begin to think about our age, & how we will age, should we live for a 'long time'.

My Daughter J, works in the field of Aged Care. She loves her work, & has a real empathy for elderly people, who all seem to love her. She has the gift of relating to them all, even the ones who are suffering from dementia or Alzhiemers seem to respond to her cheerful disposition. She has a favourite who is 99 years old.

That age seems somehow incomprehensible to me. The dear old woman is full of memories, & has her mind intact. Her body seems to be letting her down, a little more each day. My daughter has been told to prepare herself for her passing. Her Doctor has advised, her going will be rather swift, once it begins. My daughter, consequently, treasures ever day she can attend this lovely lady. She is slowing markedly, day by day.

Her daughter, who is not young herself, lives with her mother, & is there for company, night & day. My daughter is so fond of the daughter also, it is mutual, & often, when she is there for a respite visit, she stays to spend the time with my daughter. I wonder how they both will cope with the dear old soul's passing.

The daughter has no daughters of her own. She is so fond of my daughter, I know she will be doubly bereft, when her mother finally goes. It is not encouraged for the carers to continue friendships, with family, once the patient has passed away.It seems so cruel.

It is strange to think about how wonderful friendships can be formed with 'strangers'.

Or, how 'enemies' can be formed without our knowledge. I am always surprised to learn I am severely disliked by someone, who I previously had thought to be a 'friend', or at least, perhaps a 'neutral'.

The old adage about being able to choose your friends, but not your family is true, it would seem. I was shocked when I learned that my sister-in-law disliked me to an extent & depth, of which I had no conception! I had never been close to her, but had felt we got along ok. I have never quarelled with her, nor had 'words'. Not my style.

I know she has a very jealous disposition, & she has had a hard & bitter life. I genuinely never knew the extent of her hatred, & when I learnt of it, I was taken aback. Her own son was shocked. I was gratified to learn he was genuinely fond of me, & had 'defended' me, to his bitter mother.

My Gom is estranged from his sister now. They don't comminicate. I gather she was so nasty about me, my husband was shocked to his core. And, totally puzzled as to why. Thankfully, he has never told me the details. It is not our way, to dwell on such things.

I find I cannot sit in judgement on his sister. I have not walked in her shoes. She has a now-adult, elderly, daughter who is disabled. Our daughter could walk. Our daughter has lived a 'normal life'. Hers could not. I might be bitter & green, should I have walked her path.

Occasionally, I will visit a blog, & comment, to a wall it would seem. I recieve no feedback, or answering comments, & sometimes, read disparaging comments, which seem aimed directly at something I might have blogged about. I let it pass, telling myself it is imagined. But it seems to continue. Eventually, I decide that the person has an acitive dislike of me, for whatever reason, & I quietly stop commenting or visiting.

Such is life I guess. Not everyone is going to like you. Nor will you like everyone, either!

There are so many rich & wonderful bloggers out there, why bother with the ones we find 'don't fit'.

Look at this wonderful planter, my lovely Mrs Nice Neighbour made for her sister.

It is a bird planter, & is quite delightful!
With this wretched carpet, I wish we had the same customs as the lovely Japanese have in their houses, as blogged about by the lovely Tanya.
The slipper idea is what we need to keep our carpet clean!!

I do thank you all for the suggestions re my itching problem. I have not tried Pinetarsol but purchased some today. I consulted with my GP today, about another matter, & we touched on the itch. I have now got an appt with the Professor of Dermatology/Skin or whatever, & it is for 1st July. GP agrees, that is my last hope for an answer.

Oscar Lopez, Thinking Of You.


Anonymous said...

It is quite liberating to stop and realise that you just won't be liked by everyone. It doesn't matter in the end. You don't need everyone in the world to be your friend when you have special people in your life. You seem to have that in abundance!

alice said...

Well, I love your coments, and I love your blog. I'll let you know if I ever change my mind :)

Mrs. Goodneedle said...

My thoughts on life, aging and the popularity quotient... for what they're worth:
1. Live your own life with honesty and integrity and remember always the golden rule.
2. Age is only a number. Period.
3. If you subscribe to #1 and you find that people don't like you, don't call you, don't want to spend time with you... well, then, that's that. Life is Good, and too precious to squander on pettiness.
Only you can live your life and radiate your own happiness from your own heart and soul, in most cases this proves contagious! ~hugs~

Sheila said...

I am not a 'smiley' person, I tend to look aloof. Perhaps because of this people prejudge me, and decide I am miserable. Nothing could be further from the truth.
It used to bother me, but at the end of the day, I am what I am, and if they don't take the time to get to know me, it's their loss.
That's what I like about blogging, we don't see who we are building (or not) a relationship with, so we can't judge by appearances.
You have a fantastic sense of humour, and are very straightforward, both qualities I admire. Perhaps others find them intimidating?
Hope you get the itch sorted out, nothing more annoying than that ..

Tanya Brown said...

The sister-in-law situation resonated with me. My suspicion is that it isn't about you. It's about whatever the sister-in-law is projecting on you or her own fears and insecurities. I admire your sense of compassion toward her. It can be hard to maintain in the face of overwhelming malignance.

Regarding the people who don't respond to thoughtful comments, they could simply be clueless, overwhelmed or unaware of etiquette. I have a little experience with a couple of those conditions. (Cough cough.)

Please keep on being you. Your blog posts and comments have been a great positive in my life and no doubt many others'.

Lucy said...

It's true the problem is with them, not with you. I occasionally am a bit taken aback when nastiness, anger, etc flares up in blogging, though the situation you describe seems very odd; there's some funny people out there!

We all love you Meggie!

Kitty said...

There are people who are bitter and unkind in life. Those people will be bitter and unkind on the internet too - they are being what they are. All you (or any of us) can do is remove ourselves from the influence of such people.

As for the ageing thing ... that is very sad to think that when the old lady dies, your daughter might not see the old lady's daughter any more. :-(


Ali Honey said...

Meggie , I enjoy your company and will keep reading. So smile my dear, don't let them get to ya!

I think treat them as you would want to be treated, works pretty well for me.( I don't actually want everybody for a personal friend ! )We have a choice here.

Ian Lidster said...

Of course we won't be liked by everybody we encounter, much as we don't like all our human contacts. It's difficult to sometimes discern why. On the other hand, we also have no answers as to why we are intensely attracted to some people. At the same time, it's said about your sister-in-law, and I guess it's just one of those things one has to let go of.

PAT said...

Hello Meggie,

Thanks so much for visiting the back porch! Your daughter sounds like a wonderful person.

I have a sister in law who dislikes me very much, too. I was taken aback, when I knew this. I'm not sure the reason why. As I've grown older, I find life is too short to worry about those things, so I just move on.

Thank you so much for sending positive thoughts. They are very much appreciated. We spent a busy day with the cardiologist and will return to the hospital for another test tomorrow morning. J is anxious to have it all over with, as you can imagine.


Pauline said...

Coming to read here has always been a pleasure and I look forward to the comments you make on my own blog because they are so kind and thoughtful. You are right, not everyone in the world is going to like us, nor should we care. I've always liked the admonition that "what you think of me is none of my business." That thought takes the sting somewhat out of rejection.

Mike said...

I have run into that blog problem myself a time or two. I have either been ignored or out and out chastised for my participation on their comment page. Mostly I just let it ride and move on. It's not worth the argument.

Linds said...

Hmmm. I haven't been in any nasty blogging situations that I am aware of. Sometimes, we simply have little in common with people we meet, and insecurities can make resentment grow. In a family, that can be really difficult.
You keep right on writing, my friend!

meggie said...

Hi Everybody,
I realise I am not always great about answering your individual comments! Count me guilty in that respect! But I assure you, I do read them all, & get a lot of advise & fun, & am often very touched at what you have to say.
I may have come across a little differently to what I intended.
I don't mind criticism, & a disagreement with my thinking about certain things. I would hate to think I was so 'closed' that I couldn't allow for differences.
I do try to respect other people's beliefs, & points of view. I bear no malice to anyone. Perhaps, all it ask is that they also respect my views, also.
It is amazing how much I care about my blog friends who are experiencing difficult times, & I really do send positive vibes, & love to those friends.
Regardless of what anyone believes, I can respect them as a human.
I would make an exception here for Mike's "crazy"!! A complete nasty mess!!

Linda Fleming said...

Aging-there are things I love about it, and some not so nice things about it. The older I get the happier I am, and less I care what others think of me. I also spend much less time being nice to people I really don't like-LOL! I have to admit I am not as happy with the physical changes that come with aging, but I am working on learning to embarce this older version of myself that now appears in my mirror.

the mother of this lot said...

I can't imagine anyone not liking you!

the mother of this lot said...

I can't imagine anyone not liking you!

Isabelle said...

I echo what the previous commenter said. And also, it's the great thing about getting older (I find) - one cares less about what other people think. I mean, not-very-nice other people.

Keep being yourself, Meggie. We like you!

The Sagittarian said...

I am always amzaed by how much I care about the bloggers I visit! Your site is great Meggie. I have a sister-in-law who also has taken a severe disliking to me and, it seems, the rest of our family. She must be quite lacking in self esteem if she feels she has to cut my brother off from his friends and family, however he's a big boy and makes his own decisions. It is hard tho' isn't it, especially when you've got no idea what you did that was so terrible!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I love your blog too. But it is bound to be the case that not everyone will like us. I have had the same thing happen with a few blogs I have tried to visit/infiltrate. Initially I let it bug me but now if I visit someone's blog and they do not acknowledge my presence, unless it is so very rivetting I can't bear not to read, I just cross it off my list. It is not as if the bloggers know me anyway - they are entitled to ignore me I guess. I just don't fit in their zone.

But I think blogging is wonderful - I've really been won round to it over the past month or so, and most bloggers, you included, are great people.

My MIL hates me with a vengeance! We got along vaguely in the past because I tolerated her being horrid to me but now I will not.

smilnsigh said...

Aging... Never far from my mind, for a while now. You get up there, and you have to deal with it. But how to deal with the unknown? Mmmmm... Not spend too much time on it, I guess, for my part.

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful person, and how lucky you are to have her in your life. I know. You are the one who gave her life. But I still say you're lucky. Give her a big hug, from me, next time you are together. :-)

-sigh- I'd hate to find out all the people who don't have much use for me. -grinnnnnnnn- When you don't 'go with the flow' of everyone else, that's what happens. And I've nearly never heard the exact same drum, as others.

Is it spring? There seems to be some blog-chatter going on, about this how-we-blog thing. Yes, it's periodic. But since it's on my mind constantly, I guess I really notice, when it's on other's minds too.

The issue of comments. And whether we continue to go to blogs, which don't come to ours? On I know there are those few, who have so many comments that they'd never be able to keep up with all of them. And they are such fun or so pretty or something, that I just have to keep going back, with no questions asked.

And there are the ones we just always keep on our to read list. The tried and true people. I consider you one of those, Hon. We don't *count comments* with those!!!!! We know where we stand with them, or hope we do. :-)

Then there are the rest. And with a dummbie like me, who keeps adding to her Google Reader list, they can adddddddddddddd up. And eat up time in the day. How do we handle those???

And how do we handle, making sure we get back to everyone who comments in our blog???????? How? How? How? You've got 20 comments here on just this entry!!!! You fit as one to answer that question for me! Like you needed another job hu???? >,-)

Oh well, we just keep plodding. And everyone else does too. I guess. It sounds good anyway.

Yessssssss for taking shoes offfff! I get P.O.ed at times and make my own in-your-face sign and tape it to the usual back entry door. Not pretty and artsy, like that sign you showed! -gigggles- Since it's mostly family who enter, I get away with it. We all feel the same way.

Yish.... I've written another novel size comment!!!! -sigh- No wonder I have trouble with making comments. I need to 'put a lid on' my keyboard!!!

P.S. No proof reading. Please overlook weirdness, which probably sounded good, when I wrote it! ,-)

Rosie said...

it has taken me so many years to realise that it isnt always my fault when some one doesnt like me!
I wish I had known 40years ago...

CONNIE W said...

Wow - some great insight here from all the above comments. Can't think of anything to add as it's all pretty much covered. I love the last one...could be me. Just keep on being You, you rock.
Big hugs

Tanya said...

It is difficult when the "policy" is to keep friendships at bay even though the human side has already made the friendship. I always hope there will be a way around the rules and I might run into the person, go out for coffee and start on a more personal friendship journey.

A liked the comment that it is liberating to know one will not be liked by everyone.