Friday, May 23

Unbridled Hilarity

The title is a lie of sorts, as Blackadder might say.

There is not much unbridled hilarity at all. A mild amusement, yesterday. Another visit to the Dr. At the risk of boring everyone witless about health problems, I could definitely see the funny side of things yesterday.

Armed with my scan results, my far-too-high blood pressure, & my itching twitching body, off I went to keep my appointment. I arrived on time, found the waiting room to be crowded, with some smallish extremely rowdy children acting out various games, the rules & limits of which, must have been known only to themselves.

Looking at the pained & horrified faces of other waiting patients, I opted to sit outside, on the 'overflow seat'. This is a wooden slatted seat, with wrought iron, legs, & arms, chained to the concrete to prevent thievery, & it is none too warm a site, but at least it is a seat, under shelter.

I always take a book to while away the hour/s wait. I watched people coming & some going. I noticed there never seemed to be a vacant seat. The mother of the rowdies eventually emerged, carrying a baby! I wondered what she had been thinking, to want another, as I watched & listened to her trying vainly to quieten the children to a dull roar, as they roiled & boiled around her, shouting & cuffing. I could scarcely believe there were only actually 3 older children, but 2 were boys, which may be why they seemed so boisterous.

A tottery old man was helped into the surgery waiting room, accompanied by a large 'sweaty' looking man in huge boots. They grabbed seats inside, & settled in to wait. A large pleasant lady arrived & sat next to me. We chatted a little, & then it began to rain. The temperature dropped several degrees. The pleasant lady dived in the door, & grabbed the only-just-vacated seat. I glumly watched, as more people came out, more elderly & tottery went inside. I felt I was younger, & not really sick, so they probably needed a seat indoors, more than I did.

A mother & her adult daughter, complete with heavy cold, arrived to sit next to me. Cramped indeed on the wooden seat. Still trying to read. The door opened & out bounded a man of perhaps Italian origin, with a wonderful accent. He told us, in his loud & rich voice, he had to come outside for a 'Breather'. The 'sweaty man' he told us, was a wino! He reeked of it. He also had a bottle, & kept taking fresh swigs!

Then his wife was called into the Dr's room, & he bounced back inside. I anxiously peered to see if there were vacant seats. There appeared to be only one, next to the 'wino'. I was, by then, shivering a little, & my backside was cramped & cold too.

Suddenly I saw 3 vacant seats, I jumped up, informing the other women, & we all dived inside to relative warmth. The seat I got, was rather too close to the Wino. I was treated to sour wafts of whatever, everytime he took a deep swig. He groaned on about waiting, waiting. The tottery old, kept ranting at the Wino. All unintelligable. The TV blared out the daily news. A woman with a child never took breath, as she chatted animately to the woman next to her. She blah blahed so much, she never even heard the Dr call her name. The receptionist had to almost scream at her, over the general hubbub in the waiting room!I began to feel I had died & gone to hell. Noisy, smelly Hell!

Out came Dr P, he called my name, & I reeled into his surgery. He looked at me, & told me I looked as if I was in pain. I told him it was not pain, it was partly the smell of the Wino, & partly being cold.

Blood pressure far too high, still. Ideal drug could not be given to me, it would kill me, & that would be 'embarrassing'. 'Ha ha' I told him, 'I wouldn't be embarrassed, I would just be dead.'
'Yes' he replied 'But Gom would not be pleased, & I could get into trouble, so I wont give you that one'.

The itching skin is probably making me have high blood pressure, I told him.
'Let me see it again? Hmmn! That looks bloody awful!'
'I will just take a biopsy. Lie down on your stomach, I will take one from your back.'
The needle goes in, stinging like mad.
The phone rings. He leaps to answer it, tells me not to move, 'There is blood on your back! Don't move!'
More phone talk.
Back to take the biopsy.
Phone rings again, off he rushes to pick up the phone, turns to look at me, flings down the phone, rushes over, 'You are bleeding like a stuck pig!!' Grabs dressings, puts those over the blood, leaps off to the phone again.

Finishes with the phone, mutters to me, 'It is not the patients that take the time, it is all the bloody phone calls.' He grabs huge gobs of gauze to stem the bleeding. Tapes them to my back, tapes the bra back down too- 'To hold it in place.'

Shows me the biopsy, explains a little about it. Another phone call. Back to me, checks the scan. Tells me it is ok. Tells me to immediately take the new pill for the blood pressure. Tells me to return for another check, & biopsy results in a week. In between all this, he has asked about Gom. They like each other. He once called Gom an arsehole, for not taking his medication properly, & though it may sound strange, Gom really liked him for that!

Off I reeled, looking like a Hunchback. The mild non-allergy tape has left great welts of red itching patches all over my back. The amounts of blood on the dressing looked like far too much for one small slice out of me. Hilarious indeed!

At least it is not bleeding after the shower this morning. Itching, yes, but not bleeding.

We have our son to stay for a few precious days. It will be nice. We feel we don't see enough of him, as is the case with adult children. He invariably makes me laugh. He makes Gom & I both laugh.

He has an old car, which he loves. It is 1962 Valiant. He is spending a small -or maybe large- fortune to get it back on the road. He doesn't need it for travel to work, it is easier to get the bus in the city. He loves the car, & over the years has spent a lot of money keeping it.

He is a softy about animals & insects. He once had a resident Huntsman spider that lived in the car. His partner was terrified of the spider, but he kept telling her it was harmless. He almost died when it once appeared over the peak of his cap, as he was driving on the Freeway! He is still not sure how he didn't have an accident.

It would still be there today, if spiders live so long, but a mechanic saw it one day, & squashed it. Son was quite upset, but didn't say a word.


StitchinByTheLake said...

Meggie you are so funny! I love reading your blog.....

Catalyst said...

I agree! There's a book in there somewhere, roiling around.

Thimbleanna said...

Ha! My first car was a Valiant and I'm thrilled to say it didn't have a resident spider. I would have had a fit! Only you could see all the funny in the Dr. visit sweet Meggie. Hope everything turns out ok with the biopsy!

jovaliquilts said...

My goodness, I don't know what to say! Sounds awful, but you're quite a storyteller. Glad your son is there!

Marja said...

I love how you describe your visit at the doctor's hilarious. A bit
bad though that your doctor doesn't turn the phone off. Hope everything turns out ok for you. Take care. I like spiders squashed better as well.

Tanya Brown said...

I've probably said it before, but I'll say it again: you have a great gift for storytelling, for finding color and interest in everyday events. Imagine - a real, genuine wino complete with tipple!

Hoping for the best regarding the biopsy -

bluemountainsmary said...

Yep that doctors surgery sounds like my idea of hell. And then the bleeding back!!??

Thank god your son is visiting!

Kitty said...

I have a visit to the surgery booked next week: it's always an 'interesting' experience. I really hope the biopsy turns out to be the thing which allows you some respite from the constant itching - I can't imagine how awful it is.

(((hugs))) take care. x

fifi said...

doctors' surgeries are just so rank! I usually take my sketchbook and draw everybody. I would hate to sit near a smelly drunk though!

Spider story made me laugh! I had a similar experience I must say. very funny.

Tanya said...

How you can tell a funny story about your torture in the doctor's office but you did! I do hope someone will find some medicine that you can take and get some relief!

Alice said...

This must be comedy day for bloggers - you and Catsmum have both had me in stitches.

Despite your pain, itching, blood pressure, and unexpected sojurn in 'hell', you managed to see the funny side of it all.

Gosh I hope you get fixed soon - blood pressure and itching, that is!

alice said...

I am allergic to anti-allergy tape too. Itch itch scratch. Feel better soon!

Rosie said...

glad you are keeping the sunny side up...

leslie said...

Great story about your visit to the doctor. You included such detail that I felt as though I were sitting right there with you.

Spiders don't scare me, but snakes do. My kids and I have a pact - I save them from spiders and they save me from snakes. Not that we have any except garter ones here. I don't think I'd like to have a spider sitting on my hat, though. lol

ancient one said...

I couldn't believe how many times your doctor took calls while seeing you. That would have been enough to raise the blood pressure.

My mom and I were in the doctor's office today..just for her to get labs done. In and out.. second best time for her yet..same dose back in two weeks. Mom says about all she does any more is the doctor's office and the grocery store.

Hope your report from the biopsy is good!!

smilnsigh said...

Hrmmmmmmmmmm... Has this doctor ever considered not answering the phone, while with a patient?!?

Why do I ask, hu? That would be a way too common sense thing to do, wouldn't it?

Thankfully, there are no phones in the rooms, in which I see my doctors. I guess I never really appreciated that, enough. I will now, though...


Angie said...

ROFLAO!!!!! Oh God, dear Meggie, I am *gulping with laughter* truly so sorry about your itchies, but God woman, you are a hilariously funny writer and I just adore you!!!

Lovely gift from Andrea in your last post too! I do hope you snatched at least ONE piece of that chocolate!! :)

Stomper Girl said...

I'd be wanting the calls to be sent to messagebank if it was my back being sliced open. Call me fussy....

Knot Garden said...

You make it sound so funny, but it must have been awful for you to go through it.

jellyhead said...

Tee hee hee, you have given me a whole new insight Meggie into the trials and tribulations of waiting for the GP! (even though I do see a GP myself, I only go once every 2 yrs for the usual woman's health stuff, so I miss all that awful winter crowded waiting room stuff)

Lovely that you have your son visiting - perhaps he can distract you a little from your interminable itch. Hope the biopsy yields some answers.

And thank you for another extremely amusing post :)

Q said...

Oh my goodness! Your doctor's visit was very funny in the reading but I bet not so funny in the waiting! I am hoping you get some releif from the itch! I am never bored knowing how you are doing. I too have a health challange and if I couldn't share it I woould be so frustrated!
Nice to have your son home for a few days. I love it when my kids come in. They make me laugh too.

Rosie said...

Hi, I have just found your blog, and am sorry to say that I laughed like a drain as you described your visit to the Dr's. Sorry you are not feeling good and hope your blood pressure drops. As for your son and his spider, hmmm... interesting, LOL thank goodness we don't have them in the UK.
Best wishes

Mike said...

When it comes to all things medical, you can either laugh or cry. It's best to find something to laugh about.

Pam said...

"Off I reeled looking like a hunchback"...that's funny. I enjoyed reading your post. First time visit, but believe me, there'll be more.It was lovely to discover your blog.

Ragged Roses said...

Meggie you could write a TV sitcom based on the characters of your Dr's surgery! Hope you're having a good weekend

The Sagittarian said...

Oh god, thats why we pay a fotune for med students to pay off their medical fees ag=fter 7 years of hard study!! Meggie, sending you a big hug (and maybe some cortisone if that still works!!) :-)

Anonymous said...

Sounds dire despite your amusing write-up. Things are a bit better here these days - it's hard to get an appt sometimes but you rarely have to wait long at our surgery and the docs don't take phone calls during a consultation - they are saved for between which is far politer. I loathe it when people ignore folk standing in front of them and answer the phone. Grrrhhh!

Hope you find something soon to ease the itching.

Bren said...

It is a true gift to take such a fretful situation and make it all so amusing. UGH! on the wino! I would have had a hard time with that one and also the blabber mouth. Those 2 in themselves would make anyones b/p go UP!

Pauline said...

It's a good thing you can see the humor or you'd probably be in tears! The doctors here don't ever answer their own phones - in fact it's worth your weight in gold to get to see one for more than ten minutes at a time and that's after hours of waiting. I'd rather die at home, thanks!

A pleasure reading, as always.

Anonymous said...

I had a very good laugh at this! It could be my husbands surgery! DH has taken to telling his patients who ask if they should come off their BP meds that this would be a great idea if they want to die!

Molly said...

Nothing boring or humdrum about going to the doctor down your way, it seems!