Do you remember the movie 'Beaches'?
I really enjoyed that movie, & bawled like a baby in parts. I could watch it again right now, but I probably wouldn't cry & sob like I did, when I first watched.
I am not really getting more cynical as I age, -although I might be. I think my capacity for crying has been greatly reduced by medication.
I have suffered from deep troughs of depression over the course of my life. I initially refused to take any forms of mood altering medication. It seemed a form of weakness, somehow. Who wants to admit they are weak, & cannot manage on their own? The waves of utter despair must have been my own fault, & were to be ridden & battled with some mysterious, stoic, valour, or I 'lost'.
In a way it is an admission of 'failure'. It is to be hidden away, swept under the carpet. Slink into the chemist, hope no-one bellows out your prescription details- as has been done, believe me!! "Small-town-areas" can be as bad as "Small towns". No one really wants everyone else to know their complete medical history.
In spite of organisations such as BeyondBlue.org.au & raised awareness of depression, & it's debilitating effects, there is still the lingering feeling of 'shame', maybe even 'weakness', attached to needing to take medication for a condition you have no control over. The lack of control can be very frightening. The complete fear of falling, & failure, can swamp you. The fact that there are often no answers is also a concern.
Some of the antidepressants have left me in a Zombie like state
lying about snivelling, & limp, or popeyed & dazed seemingly unable to move, let alone think.
Something similar to this 'button'.
Perhaps the worst thing about Depression, is that males won't admit to having the condition. Or, if the admit it, they won't seek help.
Or if they seek help, they are often brushed aside, given placebo medication. A short term fix. Dismissed.
I am lucky. I have found a medication that doesn't 'Zombify' me.
A male, close to me, has not had the same luck. His battle seems so lonely. So hard. He has told me he is made to feel like he is some sort of 'drug addict', if he dares to ask for some relief, for the unrelenting agony. His symptoms are brushed aside, treated with ignore. The physical manifestations of depression are no less real, than the mental manifestations. Why do so many Medical Practitioners seem unable to recognise this??
This post was not going to be about Castaways, on the Beaches of life.
It was going to be the story of my near death, from drowning, when I was quite a young child, on a beach made of sand & surf.
Sometimes the posts just write themselves..... buggers!
A deceptively peaceful sunset sky. It rained next day. It clouded over. It got very dark & ugly. It all looked so Tropical, & Warm, & Promising.... didn't it??
Nancy Wilson, How Glad I Am.