Friday, October 17

Dental, Mental, Parental, Accidental...

Dental:

I am in agony with a tooth pain. I have been to the dentist, had it xrayed, am told it is ok, & still quite healthy. Well, it sure is giving off a good imitation of a dying or cracked tooth!

I was so relieved when the 11 year old, fresh faced, handsome young lad young dentist told me it was looking good, that I was fooled into believing him. Even after looking at the clear looking Xray, I still believed him.
Now all I have to do is convince the tooth!

It is rather a vital one, so I am hoping he is correct in his diagnosis, but the pain refuses to go. I have the sensitive-type toothpaste, as, since I am now 'long in the tooth', he suggests that may be the cause for the oversensitivity......


On the Mental front:

Bailey had to return from whence he came. I feel like crying everytime I think of it. Daughter J said he went into blind panic, at being left behind at the Pound. They have now marked that girl, who bought him, as never to be sold another dog. It doesn't ease Bailey's pain. Or my heartache.

Gom was prepared to give him a chance with us. Apparently he had peed in all sorts of corners in DJ's house, (& on SIL,) so I guess he should be housed where he is the sole dog.

To their credit, the staff at this Pound are known to be very caring & the young man who took Bailey remembered him, & was very kind to him. It is almost as if our dogs know about Bailey's fate, as Honey has been particularly clingy to me, & Leo just wants to sit on Gom's knee all the time.

I want to go away, & have a good weep about it all. Sometimes, tears seem to dilute the pain.


Parental:

We are having SG tonight, to stay the night. We will collect him from the Bus after school. His parents are having one last night away before their holidays end, & they are back to the workaday world.

We used to have Adult Granddaughter to stay almost every weekend when she was young. It has worked out that we have only had SG a couple of times. When he was born, I was recovering from a large surgery, & could not lift him. Later when he was a little older I needed another large surgery, so that time passed.
We are looking forward to his little bright face, & his little voice chatting away.


Accidental:

I have nothing to go with accidental, really, but on the other hand, it seems to me a lot of our lives could be termed accidental, depending on your point of view.

I am currently reading a book called "I Know This Much Is True". It is by Wally Lamb. I see it was published 10 years ago. Yes, I am late to discover it. I am sooo glad I have discovered it. It is 900 pages, & I am only on page 196. I am so glad it is such a long book.

I am just enjoying every word. I see it was an Oprah's Bookclub choice. I have never been one to run off & buy the latest bestseller, although I have accidentally done it a few times.

Reading this book, got me to thinking about men, & their sense of 'friendship'. I think I will never understand how men's friendships work.

It is true that I had a great many men friends. Sadly, some have died. When I was younger, I probably had more male friends than female. I do have female friends of very long standing, & seemed to almost 'grow into' female friendships as I aged.

My rules for friendship are pretty straightforward. If someone does me a real dirty, I move as far away from them as I can, mentally. I wont go so far as saying I never forgive them, but I would never trust them again.

If they do something really bad to someone I know or care about, I don't want to know them for that, either.


My Best Friend J, married a friend of Gom's. They were not close friends, but had been friends for years before we met either of them.

When Gom's first marriage fell apart, he had custody of their daughter. His wife would have her for the day, at weekends. Gom had taken the child, & moved back to live with his parents. There was an element of guilt concerned, & I suppose the mother felt that Gom had the 'right' to take their daughter, as she, the wife, was 'at fault'.

A short time before the divorce was to go to court, the mother 'stole' their daughter, on a day outing. Gom was of course, demented. He went searching for her, everywhere he could think of. His friends all rallied round, & they all spent hours trying to locate the daughter. They tracked & watched the 'other man'. They had watches on her mother's whole family. They spied on any known link.

As was the custom, back in those days, when the divorce hearing came up, the Judge asked who had current custody? The mother's triumphant solicitor declared her mother had custody. The judge declared that is where she should stay.

I suspect that the solicitor for Gom was damn slack, & didn't advise Gom well at all.

All of this had happened well before I met Gom. I heard the story. I was sympathetic to both parties, really.

Time passed, & BFJ & I eventually married J & Gom. We had our children.

J could be very volatile. He had a terrible temper when he was angry, & he usually got angry when he drank.

One day I visited BFJ & found her face covered in bruises, & a huge black eye. I was so upset I cried. It still brings tears to my eyes to think of it, as she is such a gentle, genuinely good person. I had known that J was mistreating BFJ, but seeing the evidence brought it really home to me.

Thank goodness, she finally got the courage to leave.

I could never bring myself to forgive J for what he had done to BFJ. I could never look at him again, without seeing my beautiful friend's damaged face.

Gom didn't see it like that. He was loyal to J right until he died. He said 'well yes J had his faults, but he had his good points'. He had been one of the 'mates' who had searched so hard for his daughter.


I am sure the mechanics of friendship are quite different for males & females.




Ben E King, Stand By Me.

21 comments:

Tanya Brown said...

Re: the tooth - can you go see a different dentist? Sometimes things like cracked teeth can be really, really subtle. I hate to think of your being in pain. (Bet you hate to think of it even worse, though.)

Bailey. Oh, dear. I hope it's a no-kill shelter?

The spousal abuse story rankles. Beating the crap out of someone doesn't equal having a few faults, and I'm sure even Jeffrey Dahmer (mass killer, cannibal, et cetera) had his charming side. I hate "mean drunks".

VioletSky said...

I'm glad you are enjoying the book - I have it on my shelf. I do not understand men's friendships either. They have an interesting way of separating various parts of their lives with very little overlap.

Strider said...

I always wondered what "long in the tooth meant" and how it related to age. Then I saw an older gentleman....80's perhaps, and saw that he really did have "long teeth" because his gums had receded....ah....getting older. You gotta love it! Good luck with the tooth.

Stomper Girl said...

Hope the tooth feels better soon Meggie.

Catalyst said...

I know this isn't what your post is about...but...the BRD having moved away, has left her evil bitch cat with her guy, who has gotten used to her. The other two are being held inside at the BRD's home and all of them are gaining weight and seeming happy. Strange what a change can do.

Maggie's Rose said...

Thanks so much for sharing this incredibly resourceful info! I plan on putting it to great use!

Ali Honey said...

What a pain (literally ) about the tooth.

I'm glad you you have an enjoyable book to read. I enjoyed that back in 2001, so am a bit hazy about it now - but I have put beside it that I liked it too.( in my reading notebook - it's a really useful reference for me )

Tanya said...

Oh dear. I really didn't want to hear about Bailey. I hope his destiny changes. As for you, maybe your sadness over him is part of what is making you more sensitive to pain. I know when I am down that it seems like my body breaks down with my mental...

Kitty said...

Hope you feel better soon ... does it feel like a forming abcess, maybe? :-(

As for the friendship stuff - it's so interesting. We are all different and therefore our tolerances are different. History counts for a lot, and I guess what Gom felt about J had a lot to do with their 'history'?

I like the sound of the book - will make a note of it.

x

ancient one said...

I hope your dentist is right about your tooth...I really thought I was going to have one removed a couple of years ago.. pain was unbelievable... Dentist took xrays and said he thought I had irritated it by grinding the teeth when I sleep... gave me pain pills and antibiotics (just in case).. I had a regular appointment the next week... the next week tooth was fine... still have it...and it's doing fine...

I know men do not think like us... if someone does something to me, I want my husband to be mad at that person too.. . but it's not like that... If on the other hand, I think someone has done my husband wrong... they are on my black list forever... I try to forgive, but I can never forget...

Glad you are able to enjoy your GS now.. and there are no big surgeries...

Hope you feel better with your tooth soon...

Rosie said...

some things are unforgiveable by me, and one of them is violence...

Isabelle said...

A sad post.

Hope the tooth improves.

Blossom said...

hugs about Bailey.......

mmmmmmmmmmm ...............friendships........they can be strange things.

more hugs.

hope your tooth is better VERY soon.

Jellyhead said...

Hope your tooth stops misbehaving soon, Meggie.

I have that book in my bookshelf, too. Like ali honey, my memory of it is hazy, but I do remember enjoying it.

Male and female friendships are SO different. I often ask my husband, after he has seen his friends to play their weekly game of squash, "And how are their kids? How is (wife's name)?". Nine times out of ten, my husband will say, 'Oh, I don't know - we didn't really talk about that' !!!!

The Sagittarian said...

Oh poor you, isn't tooth ache a complete menace?

Poor Bailey, he looks so sweet. I think you're right, he may be best as an "only child".

Wife beater? Would not be weclome in my home regardless of whose friend he was!

Jeanette said...

Gday Meggie, I would get another opinion on your tooth, It happened to me many moons ago first denist said nothing wrong still in a lot of pain went to another dentist were they found a small abcess forming put me on antibotics cleared up the ache, since had them all out...

Margaret Cloud said...

Very nice post, I feel sad about Bailey, I hope your tooth is better, there is nothing worst than a tooth ache. I hope your friend has left that man or at least reported him, men tend to be more violent than women.

Reluctant Blogger said...

Urgh poor you re the tooth. toothache is one of the worst things going.

It's interesting what you say re men and women and friendships. I think I am a bit of a man in that respect. If I take someone as a friend (a real friend as opposed to an acquaintance) then I do it for good or bad and I forgive pretty well anything they do. Which is odd because I am the complete opposite when it comes to partners and don't accept any crap there at all. I guess there probably are limits with friends but I have to say that I have never dropped a friend. I have drifted apart from friends of course but never fallen out with anyone or decided I don't approve of them or anything.

Finn said...

Hi Meggie, sorry to be so long gone, I really will try harder to do better! So much going on in your life, and it sounds like my Leftovers post has several 'fits perfectly' all around blogland this week.
Sometimes it seems the tragedy come in super-sized whether we ordered it that way or not. I'll add a petition to my prayers for a good outcome in all your needed area *VBS*
Gosh, do you suppose there is such a thing as a 'simple life'? I sure would like that. I hope you are finidng some time for stitching and also just for yourself. Sending big hugs and a stout shoulder, Finn

MarmiteToasty said...

Fanks for visiting Twaddle :) - Ive scrolled down and read many of your previous posts, your blob is a joy, such a joy.....

Toothache besides earache have to be the most worst sort of annoying pain.... hope you get it sorted out soon....

As the saying goes 'I'll be back'

x

Kellie said...

Good luck with your tooth!
And I am with you ... no excuses for hitting a woman especially your wife!!!! I am so pleased she left!