Road accident victims become statistics. The sadness & ugliness is given prominence only to feed the avid glare of the media. Vying for the most shocking, the ugliest, the most monstrous. Feeding a public fascination with the secrets of 'sinners'.
I sometimes feel a sympathy for the hapless 'victim' even if they are an evil doer. The understood 'right' of the media to expose, & shine a light onto, the 'perp' seems wrong somehow.
However, I make exceptions.
A light deserves to be shone in a harsh merciless glare on some evil doers.
I am deeply disturbed today. I debated with myself about posting about this very personal matter.
I have discovered that I have been a patient of a man dubbed, by the media, The 'Butcher Of Bega'. Google him. You may understand how I feel.
Twenty years ago, I underwent a series of 'treatments' for a gynaecological problem. It was not solved, with minor surgeries, so eventually I was told I needed a Hysterectomy. I thought about this for some time. I was, naturally reluctant. I had been treated by the Butcher. Who, of course, was not known as such at the time, & seemed a pleasant enough man, with a kindly manner. Though I did remark to the GP that he rather resembled a vet, than a Gyno. His manner was probably best described as 'down to earth'. Not exactly crude.
I asked my GP to refer me to another Gyno for a second opinion. The second man proved to be a crass pig, to put it mildly. I did not appreciate him demanding I open my blouse & undo my bra, then plunging his hands into my breasts in a brutal fashion, asking did I check them regularly. I was not there to consult him about my breasts.
The rest of the consulatation went even worse, resulting in my leaving, crying in a hysterical manner, & crying in the car for half an hour, before being able to drive myself home. I should have put in a formal complaint. I did complain to my GP. He was shocked, & agreed it was not any way to treat a patient.
So I went back to the Butcher, & my operation was scheduled at a Private Hospital, where he operated on a regular basis.
Now, as far as I know, he did nothing untoward to me. Who knows, however, just what the insides of themselves are like, after a major surgery. He did make some referance to my bladder which I found odd at the time. I have since had surgery for a bladder problem. I have no idea if it had anything to do with the surgery for the hysterectomy.
After reading of the absolutely dreadful unimaginable things this Butcher has done to other women, I realise I am very lucky. I just want to weep in sadness for the lives he has ruined.
But I can't explain how it has made me feel. It is the 'survivor who lives' feeling to a certain extent. I am left with this feeling of horror. Of narrow escape. I also feel violated in retrospect. Which seems slightly ridiculous, since I am apparently unharmed.
I wanted to talk about it, with someone, a stranger. I phoned a telephone number that was on a website. It was the 'Mental Health' line. I almost hung up. I made mention to the person I spoke to, that I felt further shamed & 'slapped' if you will, to be lumped into the 'mentally disturbed'. Why are the victims made to feel it is their own fault? I am not sure if the person I spoke to offered me much in the way of support, but she did ask if I wanted to make a formal complaint, about the Dr. Or, if I wanted to seek further counselling. I declined both.
I think of myself as reasonably well balanced, comfortable with who I am, & where I am. I have weathered my share of life's storms & hard lessons. I am shocked at how this has disturbed me, I suppose.
The victims noted that they had complained & had been made to feel ignored & hopeless, as no steps were taken to stop the Butcher from treating more patients. Maiming would best describe what he has done.
It is a such a very vulnerable position a woman finds herself in, when confronted with gynaecological problems. To be abused confirms her worst fears, somehow.
It is a truly shocking case of a man who was known to be mentally disturbed, yet no steps were taken to prevent him from accessing more patients, & doing further harm.
I suppose by coming out & writing about this, I am attempting to purge myself of the knowledge of how close I could have been to being damaged beyond repair.
Really, there is no punishment that could be enough for this man. As Gom said, he should just be put down.
Sorry to bore anyone reading. I think I do feel a little better, now I have written about it.
Roberta Flack, Tradewinds