Family Ties.

Remember the days when small children & often, not so small would be told that babies came from under the Cabbage leaves?


Or Down in The Cabbage Patch?

Or perhaps the old Stork story was trotted out.

Throughout time, babies have come whichever way they wanted.

Not always when they were wanted.

In fact, not always wanted.

A friend has just learned he is a father.

A father to a 44 year old, he never even knew existed.

I think he is delighted.

His wife has her reservations, perhaps with reason. They have 3 daughters of their own, together.

The girl was adopted as a small baby. As so many children were, around that era. Her biological father never even knew he had fathered a child, let alone the fact it had been adopted.

Having some knowledge of the adoption process, & the end results, I am glad that adoption has changed so much.

I watch 'Find My Family' on television. I am often reduced to tears watching happy reunions. I am sure, should some child appear from out of nowhere claiming Gom as it's father, I would do my best to make it welcome.

Though Gom assures me it will never happen!

I know there are people who say they have never wanted to meet their biological parents. Children who were adopted, who refuse to have contact with the parent who 'gave them away'.

I know that not all reunions are happy or successful. A lot have a honeymoon period, when everything is rosy & wonderful, then reality sets in. Who knows how it will work. I would think that most reunions have some elements of regret.

The missing faces from the family frames.

I know of many adoption stories, many families who were ripped apart by such revelations.

They are not all sweetness & light.

The case of the Odd Girl is one such story.

She was born in the war years. Her father was a farmer, & did not go to war, as he was the elder son, & his father was dead, so he was deemed to be necessary for the family farm.
A brother was born, some 4 years after the Odd Girl.

The Odd girl resembled her father's family, was blonde with wide blue eyes. Those eyes were often rather vacant, but no one spoke of that. The son took after his mother's side of the family, with dark hair, & robust stature.

The terrible secret was the family carried a disease, that was undiagnosed. It is Huntington's disease. It is terrible to watch a person deteriorate from this disease. When the Odd Girl began to exhibit strange habits & odd behaviours, no one had any idea what was wrong with her.

It was known that the Grandfather had died mysteriously, had become very strange, & eventually died. Her father had inherited the disease, but had not begun to exhibit any symptoms at the stage of the Odd Girl's increasing oddness.

I suspect we always knew, when we were children that there was something amiss with the OG. She really didn't make friends. Didn't even get on particularly well with her brother.

In her teenage years, she discovered boys, & sex. It was not long before she was pregnant, told her mother she had no idea who the father of the baby was. She was obviously not fit to keep the baby, & by then her father had become stricken with the disease, so her parents could not keep the child, a boy, & he was adopted out.

She continued to act promiscuously, & her desperate mother took her to a phsychiatrist for evaluation, after seeking help from various medical practitioners, deserately looking for answers, for both her husband's strange illness,& increasing violence, & the girl's seeming lack of understanding of why she should not have sex with any & all men who came her way.

Finally the phsychiatrist told her parents that she had no understanding of right or wrong, & therefore would probably get pregnant again. The desperate parents tried to find a Doctor who would sterilise the girl. They even travelled to Australia to try to get this done. All Doctors refused. All advised the parents to get the girl onto the contraceptive pill, though none wanted to prescribe it. It is doubtful she would have taken it, anyway. She refused to use condoms.

Oh yes, those truly were "The Days"! False morals abounded.

The tragedy was, the girl got pregnant again, whilst in Australia!The desperate parents begged for an abortion after they discovered the second pregnancy, but of course, no such idea would be entertained. It all seems so wrong.

Her father was becoming increasingly hard for her mother to handle, & then another baby had to be adopted out. And the OG cared not a jot for either baby, was not curious nor interested in the children.

OG's father died, a terrible death. The OG became impossible, & her mother had to almost tie her up each day, to keep her under control.

Finally a diagnosis was found. The terrible truth was discovered about the disease. The adoptive parents had to be told, because the children were potential carriers. Both boys paremnts were told they may have the disease. One set of parents loved their son so much, they didn't care, they wanted to keep him & love him regardless. The other family decided it was too much of a risk, & they sent their son to an orphanage.

At the time of diagnosis, the Doctors seemed to know little about the disease. They warned the brother that he could be a carrier, his children could suffer or be carriers.
As it happened he did not develop the disease, so probably didn't carry it. Or so I understand, now. He did, however develop a kidney disease & is dead now too.

Life deals some very odd hands.

I need to lighten up!! Don't tell anyone, but I am sewing again, so that has to be a positive. In reds yet!! I hate red, but I feel compelled to use these reds!


Marianne Faithful, The Ballad of Lucy Jordan.