Monday, April 13

Lame thoughts, from a domestic cripple.


While sweating o'er the gravy dish,
I find a verse,
my fondest wish!
(I could wish for worse.)

But I am chained, to do his bidding,
Of mundane chores
Poetry rhymes,
clever, domestic ridding,
Shed, along with the
Thoughts of mores,
Thoughts of liberation,
lost in life's Celebration.

Of marriage,
And consideration,
MY careful carriage
Of my Obligation.


This post is somewhat of a 'straining at the bit', to use a horsey term.

A most Beloved Aunt, who has now left this life, became bitter, at the end or her life.
Bitter at the memory of her marriage.
Which she came to view as one of constraint, & stricture.

She felt her wishes, and thoughts for the future, their destiny, and general passage through their lives, were suppressed, and, largely, ignored.

I am inclined to agree with her, even though the husband in this case, was a blood relative- as she was. I loved them both, dearly, so it is difficult to cast aspersions.

Last time my BB (Beloved Brother) came to stay, he was quite shocked at how agressive I have become in old age.
Even our Beloved Son, SB, has noted my seeming (hitherto, repressed,) anger at a lot of things.

I told him I feel that it is because I am retired, & I finally feel free to be 'almost me'.
It is long & complicated, but the domestic minutiae is not for public sharing.

I just feel sad, as I stand over the gravy dish, wishing I did not have to perform on demand for anyone else. I wish I could just leave it all until the whirling thoughts were on paper- so to speak- then I could resume at my leisure.

I cannot say I regret my marriage, but I regret the loss of freedom it creates.

I know Gom does not feel that same restraint... or perhaps he does. He feels it is ok to put a ladder in the center of my camellia shrub, & knock half the buds off, while he 'clears the gutters on the pergola'. WTH???

I made the mistake of asking him, if he does it in a subconscious act of spite.

You may imagine the reaction that brought about.

It is not easy to get old.
It is not easy to get old, with a partner who has no hobbies, & whose retirement is slanted particular aim.

We had a wonderful time with the visit of our son. The stay of our Granddaughter..
Today has been spent in slothful rest, watching taped programmes, & almost convalescence, from visitors, & intense family communion.

Radiohead, Weird Fishes_Arpeggi


Molly said...

Oh, I hear you Meggie! My late M-I-L's entire life revolved around my F-I-L. She was there to do his bidding, even though she was a teacher before she married him, and more or less got recruited for the job [of marrying him in the first place!] by his mother. The war stepped in and made a lot of decisions for them. Women,to him, are on earth to do mens' bidding. He and I have a very precarious relationship because I have the temerity to not always gasp in admiration of his pronouncements on politics and the state of the world, and the brazenness to argue with him. But more and more, as I get older, I agree with the saying "The only fool bigger than the fool who knows everything is the fool who argues with him....."

I say "Let it go." It will only eat away at you and bother him not at all. Take a deep breath and decide to enjoy the rest of your life!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I wouldn't know what to say but if I were there, I'd give you a hug, buy you a candy and take you someplace where you could dangle your toes in the water in solitude....or maybe where you can run barefoot in the park?

ancient one said...

I hear you and think I understand. And everything is harder while we are getting older. I think I sound horrible....he cannot hear well, and by the time I say it three or more times...I can find my temperture rising... and then to hear him tell someone else... I hear what I want to hear..(I hope he's joking... but don't really know)...

Always remember it could be worse... we could be the one looked after instead of looking after another... and you know your gravey is much better than his would be...LOL

Ian Lidster said...

How sad for one to end life bitter at a bad relationship. Sounds like my parents. Strong bit of verse as always, Meg.

Jellyhead said...

Meggie, I'm glad you could write about this, even if only obliquely. I hope it helped.

If it is any comfort, I think many women feel anger within their relationships, that they mostly hold in. Society deems it unseemly to show rage, so we put up with things and hold it in. I say we should let it out when we need to - on a blog, with friends, or to our husbands in as calm and fair a way as we can, when necessary.

There are times to stand up and say 'This is NOT acceptable, I won't be treated like this!'. Then there are times to let things go. I am still trying to figure out which is which ;-)

Hugs and good thoughts to you Meggie
XO Jelly

Warty Mammal said...

Big hug. ((( )))

I wish I could help.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I sometimes feel that way, but then wonder if I would be happier alone. I honestly do not know. That's when I stop and count my blessings, so to speak, and find that I am most thankful to be able to express myself...and in doing so, rid myself of those feelings. Hey, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Feel better!

VioletSky said...

I live alone, so can only guess at what you are going through. I think at this point I would be hell to live with, having had too much of my own way. Though I did see so much of that in my parents - father with no hobbies or interests and mother who insisted on waiting on him even though she hated that she 'had' to do it. I wish you many daily escapes, to be yourself.

Lover of Life said...

I would have a hard time waiting on anyone! But I do think we get a little hard to deal with if we let our anger control us. I work on that part of myself all the time. And sometimes he is just annoying! Being together all the time is requiring some adjustment. :-)

quiltmom said...

Thoughtful post-
Retirement does present challenges for people- Many women I know have lots of hobbies and things that they do whether they have worked outside of the home or not. That seems less common with men although I do know men that have hobbies such as woodworking or astronomy.
It is so nice that your son and family came to visit.
I had a lovely time at my folks- it was very pleasant and my parents were pleased to have so many of us home.

Henri said...

Meggie , Our beloved Aunt did realise that she had had almost 50 years of " Partnership" with our , ( to me anyhow )practically Superman Uncle -- I think she felt cheated not to reach the 50 year mark with him ,& somehow seemed to blame him for dying . Over the years they did have together she more than held her own , I feel . I loved them equally . They were both strong , able people with good minds and compassion for those less fortunate .
--- As to the ' agression with age' thing ,I feel I am up there with you haha !! Our own mother never suffered fools gladly either , nor did our Grandmother !

persiflage said...

I share your feelings, as my spouse does little these days, is very forgetful, but manages to remember that I have moved the telephone from one room to another (!) so nags me repeatedly to put it back. I feel that one can't win - either by putting it back or by not putting it back.
This is just a small example of the patterns of our life. Some appreciation of what one does would not go astray, but it seldom seems to occur to them.

PAT said...

You are a gifted writer, Meggie.

I often believe I would have felt this way, had my first marriage not failed.

kathi said...

I appreciate your thoughts today. Especially of coming to a place in your life where you "finally feel almost ME." I'm finally there myself. I'm thankful for my past and the things I have learned along the way too. Right now I'm living alone and enjoying every quiet peaceful moment of that. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful, loving person and deserve to be happy. Don't let the turkeys get you down!

Cloth, Yarn and Life said...

Dear, dear Meggie,
How you manage to express such universal feelings is just amazing, or perhaps not so much that you express them, but that the feelings are universal to so many of us. I began to feel a real release of conventional behavior after turning fifty and now that I'm sixty-five, well lookout! I am myself more everyday. I'm very grateful for my man. He was single for quite sometime before we met and married. Also having been a single parent he did a great job of taking care of himself and daughters. I don't feel pressure from him to "DO" stuff, and in fact, usually I put the pressure on myself. this must be a hangover from being raised in the 50s and the "homemaker" days.
I so love to read your posts. You are so thoughtful in what you express. I am happy to be a little part of your world.