Monday, August 31

Riding the Rough.

This post will be interspersed with totally unrelated pictures of various plants in our garden. I need to lighten some of the dark patches of the rough. (or should that be trough? as in trough of despondancy.)

This past week has been somewhat strange.
I have spent time lying about in public.
As opposed to lying about the public!

Gom would not 'play' with me, so I had to recruit some staff... mostly women!
Test driving beds can make one feel so ridiculous! Especially when the portly other half skulks and lurks around the edges of it all, refusing to prostrate himself for anyone.
Conversation in one shop went something like this.
Pretty saleswoman. "Come on, have a lie down. Don't you want to see how the different beds feel?"
Gom. "I can sleep anywhere I dont care what it feels like. I am happy with the one we have."
Pretty woman. Looks with disbelief then nervously laughs. Gets on the other side of the bed, so I can see how little disturbance there is.

Round & round I go. Sampling the delights of each bed- or not! Some were really hard, I could never sleep in a rock hard bed!
I suggest to pretty saleswoman that what they need is a Coffee Shop, so customers can go off to discuss things, & mull over the choices, in between hitting the mattresses. Another couple around our age, are also shopping for a bed. They agree a coffee shop would be good. Pretty woman agrees. I tell her to suggest it to management. I tell her I know just the person to run the shop. She asks me do I have a card? Good grief, I nearly sold myself!!
The shop is somewhat isolated, so no coffee shops nearby.
Pretty woman was very nice, & I wished I had bought a bed off her.

Eventually a bed was chosen. A deal was chiselled- well, we kid ourselves it was a deal, but most shops were offering enticing extras to try to drum up sales. It can be quite miserable strolling about vast expansive shops full of no one but furnishings, & a small sprinkling of staff.
One shop was full of young lads with spikey hair & ear rings & other facial piercings, along with the inevitable crop of zits, poor boys. They were very busy unpacking huge lumps of furniture for a huge sale to be held over the weekend. Lashings of cardboard lying about, paper flying, piles of tapes. Assembling shelves & hanging doors on the huge lumps of furniture. Fit to fill a mansion they were, but who can afford a mansion these days?
I offered to buy lunch for Gom. There is a nice shop called Pie in the Sky. It boasts having the best pies on the Coast. I would agree. There is another Pie maker close to the Beach who wins at Royal Shows in Sydney & even in Melbourne. The thing is, both my daughter & I dislike his over priced pies! Perhaps we are just contrary..
But Pie in the Sky never disappoints. There is a little Rotunda where one can sit in the sunshine or shade, to enjoy the delights.
I nipped into the nearby Sewing Centre to see about some free motion quilting lessons. A woman 'might' be going to give some lessons. I hope she does.
I fear Gom is 'abdicating' his life.
He has certainly changed over the past few years since he retired. He drives me crazy with his obsessive rearrangements of the pantry, the freezer, the fridge, my cupboards. I can't help but see this as some perverse arrogance. He obvioulsy thinks the placement of crockery, dishes, cookware, containers as defective in some way. A part of me knows it is not really, but it is an affront, somehow, to my organisational skills. The garden vanalisms have been blogged about in some depth. Parts of it all are not without humour. I am finding it somewhat harder to see the humour in much of what occurs.
The final straw came when I could hear him thumping about in the bedroom. Upon going to investigate, I found him with all my books from my To Be Read pile, on my side of the headboard/bookcase, about to take them off downstairs. It bloody well infuriated me! How dare he? I was angered & told him so. He just does not see why I might feel annoyed that he would presume to take my books away. He stacks them in inaccessible places down in his precious garage. Some I never can find! I caught him offering some unread books of mine- yes Gom they are mine!- to someone who never returns books. To be fair, to the recipent, why would he, he thinks we have finished with them.
I was infuriated to the point where I rushed into the laundry & thumped things about.
"That's right go bashing things about!"
Meggie is heard to reply, "I have to, I cant very well bash you, but that is what I feel like doing!"
I think he must have felt he had gone too far, since concilliatry moves were made.
I do feel sorry for him. He is losing his sight. He knows it will get worse. He insists on driving when he knows he should not. I live in terror every time we go out. His vision seems to fluctuate, so he cant always read, & he has always been an avid reader.
He even admits that his TV viewing is not the pleasure it once was, which is sad.
I have begged him to talk to our Doctor about things, but he refuses.
I hate to whine & feel sorry for myself, but it is very hard living with someone who basically cannot see the point in living. I know this, because he tells me...often.
Our son can see the changes when he visits. He knows how it is increasingly hard for me to keep upbeat.
Recently we had a quote done for replacement drapes for our kitchen & dining room. For the cost of an extra room they could be custom made!! Holy Cow! I know it is some time since I last bought custom made curtains, but I had no idea! Since the windows are not standard sizes & I feel too tired & clapped out & I dont feel I could tackle making curtains, I wanted the easy way out.
Friends were shocked also at the cost, so it was not just me. I have compromised & bought some drapes that will need some alterations, but since they cost me half the quoted price for custom made, I am confident I can 'unclap' myself enough to do the necessary.
It was made quite clear to me, that I was to choose the drapes & Gom wanted no part in selection.
Some days I dont get spoken to all day, & have no reason why. Some days the only person Gom speaks to is Leo!
Speaking of Leo, he had a right royal feast last evening. Friends came to visit, & Gom sparked to life & produced some crackers & Pate.
While we were out in the dining room discussing the new drapes, Leo made off with a large slab of cream cheese, and one container of Pate. I walked into the lounge to hear slurping noises, & I found him hurriedly attempting to devour the second container of Pate!
Haha, I know what my Beloved Brother would say!
Speaking of BB, he is recovering slowly. Says he is very tired, but that is understandable. He is very relieved he does not have to have the remaining side of his Thyroid gland removed.
Other family have not fared so well. As one Cousin said "It has been a sh!t year!"

Yesterday, while shopping for drapes, I saw the most beautiful quilt! It was in jewel colours of blues greens & turquoises. The proud maker was choosing a valance to go with the quilt. I wish I had had my camera. She showed me the back, it is reversible. Absolutely gorgeous. She made it to give to a friend. Lucky friend!!


lovelyprism said...

We all change over the years and sometimes those changes aren't so easy for our loved ones. I don't want to diminish your frustration, but I do have an idea how you feel. It's so odd when someone you live with can go an entire day without uttering a single word to you.

Your flowers are lovely!

I'm glad you finally got a new bed lol.

Oh and I would definitely stomp around if somebody dared to touch my books!

ancient one said...

Life just throws us some pretty nasty curves sometimes. And we have to stay the course and do the best we can. I go some days with not more than a few sentences. I know my husband is talked out. All the phone calls, all the men just hanging out, not being able to get much work done, and more than he can do by himself... I feel his pressure, but think he's done it to himself. He was supposed to be retired... but he started this business and is working harder than he ever did. My uncle, who is in his 80's, tells me to leave my husband alone... that if he quits work he probably will not live as long.. So I let him work himself to death... for what? Life is hard...

I entertain myself on the computer... and make myself availabe to my mother for anything she needs...and to my children if they need me...

I know it must be hard for GOM to know that eventually he will not be able to see... and I'm glad you can slam around in the laundry room and not take it out on him...

I wish you would have had your camera, too, so we could see the beautiful quilt... I try to keep mine in my purse all the time...

Your flower photos were very lovely..

Jeanne said...

Aaaaah, we're only a couple of months into the 'retirement' phase. Tony seems to think I need his assistance with things I've done quite successfully on my own for decades. Sigh.
Sending a hug ~ Jeanne

Anonymous said...

I don't think I will let the skipper retire. He would drive me completley insane, I know it.

The Sagittarian said...

Dear Meggie, you're quite right about the books. I get entirely annoyed if The Stud shifts anything that is mine in my space!! He's learned and leaves it all alone now.
Maybe GOM is putting things in order so he'll feel more confident with failing eyesight?
That quilt sounds wonderful, I'm still waiting for my friend Pixie to make me a quilt!! Cheers.

Stomper Girl said...

I think you did right by standing up for your book rights.

fifi said...

I am always looking for things my husband hides away. This is unbeleiveable, since the house is full of PILES of stuff he has dumped. I think he does it to say "look, you have made a mess too!"

I feel awful about the vision thing, my grandma lost her sight to that disease and it was awful, but she was a cheery old stick and liked to feel up my boyfriends under the guise of being an old blind lady....

oh poor Meggie. Cheer Up. It must be hard, all I can say is that my dad is far worse and much more trouble and my mum hasn't got the internet and doesnt do ANY of the nice things you do!!

big cheerful wave
from Fifi

persiflage said...

I am glad you did manage to choose a bed! As I read this post I wondered whether you were going to choose separate beds!
The interference in one's own sphere of action and competence is extremely difficult to tolerate - and should not be tolerated. They may act all innocent, but in very many cases there is another agenda which combines denigration and interference, and disregard of your actual competence. At Casa P orders are issued instead of requests or discussions, and many times I think they 'only do it to annoy because they know it teases'. All in all, many aging men are difficult to deal with, especially when they won't help themselves.
Your photos are beautiful.

Granny J said...

I finally broke down last December, when my dotter was visiting, and bought a new mattress -- like custom drapes, they sure are expensive. Retirement sure is hard on guys -- which makes them hard on their women. It's too dang bad, but use us all out here as a safety valve -- that's what we're here for (in addition to your neat flower pictures...)

Emma said...

Ah, Meggie, I wish I had some sage sdvice for you, but I don't. I would keep trying to get him to the doctor, and investigate the services available for the sight impaired in your area. My grandmother is losing her eyesight to macular degeneration. She's ninety in three weeks, so we're not exactly surprised that she's slowing down.

Take good care of yourself ((hugs))

Selina Kingston said...

Oh Meggie, I do feel for you. Especially as I imagine what you have written here is really only the surface of how bad you're feeling at the moment. I too would have been incredibly frustrated if my things had been moved without notice. Maybe GOM feels its the only way he can maintain any control given his failing eyesight and his fears of what that will mean for the future. Knowing he is annoying you is probably also a way of keeping some sort of bizarre control - in his head. He obviously feels bad about it though if he then tries to make it up to you. He should see the doctor but he sounds like a typical man in that respect and all you can do is try and keep gently persuading him. Hope you feel better soon x

marigold jam said...

Oh Meggie - how I feel for you. It's not always easy living with one's retired GOM is it? I think that is why we women need absolutely NEED our women friends as a safety valve otherwise we might commit some unspeakable crime on our menfolk! I do hope there are enough moments of happiness in there to keep you hanging on? Take care of yourself and continue to vent your frustration and anger in the laundry room!

We are all out here rooting for you.

Love and a big hug


Ali Honey said...

Yes we are. Hang in there Meg. Perhaps you could try talking out loud to yourself - taking both sides of the conversation you would LIKE to be having.

Mary said...

I can only echo all the support in the comments before me, send you a big hug and a lot of sympathetic cursing over the moving of the books..

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I hope the mood has lifted by the time you read this. I have been feeling so much frustration of late myself. I find myself talking to my dogs. I like them better than the current guests in my park.

I don't know what I would do if love of my life decided to rearrange anything in the house. It would not be pretty!

Thimbleanna said...

Ahhhh Meggie. I've heard stories similar to yours about the retirement years (my mother is living one as well) so I've told hubby that he'll be working until one of us meets the end. He doesn't think that's funny, but it seems the best approach to me. Look at the bright side -- before all this technology, you wouldn't have had us to listen to your story and sympathize with you!

VioletSky said...

Having dealt for many years with my declining and, at times, infuriating, parents, I really feel for what you are going through. I, for one, am looking forward to getting to 'senior' status so I can take advantage of all the activities on offer for those over 55. And after my mother's problems with macular degeneration, I want to do it all now just in case...

Anonymous said...

Be strong, dear. As a male I can understand his reluctance to concede to his new realities. It's tough, but equally tough on the partner.

Thanks for the Dire Straits. I love them and that piece in particular.

Warty Mammal said...

I'm sorry about GOM's retreat from life. I've heard it's something that affects males in particular, the lack of a (perceived) purpose and role. We all need to feel useful, so I guess he's filling the holes with things that end up driving you batty. Good for you for giving him "what for" over the books! That's a hanging offense, in my opinion!

I hope the free motion quilting class comes to pass. You deserve a good dose of fun.

Tanya said...

Oh dear Meggie. Sometimes when I read your posts I don't know if I should laugh or offer sympathies. Your husband sounds like so many men but all condensed into a 24 hours a day must be draining. I know from being around my MIL who is always bitter and telling us she wants to die or something that she can really bring me down. I need a vacation from just an hour, and I don't have to live with her! I hope you can get some of the stress off yourself with your friends and writing about it. Thinking of you a lot.

Finn said...

Hi Meggie, what an ordeal! Indeed, a coffee shop was needed!!!! Glad a bed was selected and that is a done deal now. Great, great pictures!!! Hugs, Finn