Monday, June 9

Resonance

Whilst reading a touching post, on a blog I have found has many points of resonance for me, I was reminded again, how much we are alike in many respects.



It also made me ponder on the fact, that we often don't have access to those we may resonate with, in the highest degree.



Though this electronic world is giving us much faster access to information, & technology, are we becoming more isolated in ourselves?

We are told we can consult a counsellor, should we need counsel regarding stress, trauma, past injustices. We are indeed, urged to seek out counsel for various reasons.

At risk of raising the ire of good counsellors, I have found most contact, I or my loved ones, have had with 'counsellors' to be less than useless. I realise a counsellor may be the only point of contact, -possible resonance- with someone who might understand your plight. Should you live an isolated life...by which I mean you are surrounded by people, but feel alone, or truly isolated in your thinking... I guess a counsellor might serve a good purpose.


The age of 'going to your shrink' would seem to be an idea which has passed it's prime. Perhaps I am wrong about that, & could stand to be corrected. I am sure there is a lot of help out there, in that direction.


A friend once told me she was going to a therapist who was providing psycho-analytical therapy, plus 'deep tissue massage'. This Deep Tissue Massage, was of course physical. I was deeply shocked, though not surprised digusted, when she informed me some time later, that his treatment had progressed to actual sexual intercourse.


I never expressed my disapproval to her, as she seemed happy about it. I couldn't help but feel it may well have done her a lot more long term harm than she would be aware. She was single, unattached & in her 30's but I still felt it was an abuse of trust of a vulnerable person. Obviously, she had felt troubled enough to want to consult him in the first place.


Perhaps she told me, to gauge my reaction. I was careful to remain non committal about it, but felt anger & revulsion for a person I had never seen. I felt sad for her need, & real anger at his abuse. For a while, I think we really resonated with each other. She moved to another State, & we eventually lost touch.


When people reach out for help, comfort, guidance, solace, it often helps to reach to a stranger. I guess this is why complete strangers will suddenly tell one their life story at the bus stop, or train station- or dentist waiting room, full of strangers!


I still feel the breakup of the family units is a step in the wrong direction for societies. The closeness of wider family can be a bane in a life,- nosey critical prying old biddies etc. But on the other hand, they can also be a source of comfort in times of great stress, having known each other most of their lives, having come from much the same backgrounds.


In an ideal world, we would all have wonderful close families, who get along for most of the time, & only rub occasionally. A friend once said, when they were having a 'hate session' on the old dictatorial Matriarch of their family, "It doesn't hurt to have a good hate session about Nanna now & then. It helps us to keep on loving her!"

I often think of that, & how true I found it to be.


When I was little, I used to go off in tantrums, & sad moods. I would be hostile, telling my mother I didnt like her, to 'go away'. Deep down inside I just wanted her to come & gather me into her arms, & hold me close. She never did. She wasn't that sort of mother.


I became that sort of mother. I would go & attempt to hold & cuddle my children when they went off in huffs, or tears. I never forgot the forlorn little thing I had been, or how I had felt. When our Grandson -& when she was little, our Granddaughter- says to me, "Go away Nanna, I hate you" I always say "That is ok, but I still love you, & I always will." It is surprising how often it softens little tempers, & they soon return to sunny.

I hope my love for them, will resonate in their hearts forever.

The point of this post was initially to make note of the fact that the world of Blogging can offer solace to people, without intrusion into their lives on too close a personal level. It can often offer a measure of recognition, the resonance, an "I am not the only one!" feeling. It can offer comfort to discover you/I/we are not alone in some of our feelings & life experiences.

For me, blogging offers opportunities to make contact with wonderful people, I would never otherwise have the chance to 'meet'. It can offer insights to others lives, so different to mine. It can also offer the resonance of reading the same thoughts, written perhaps by someone half a world away.


**********
We had a family friends afternoon yesterday.
SG had been given the Star of the Week Award at school. He was given Stanley, the class bear mascot, to bring home for the weekend.

What fun Stanley is having. He had a bed made up specially for him with SG's Dinosaur quilt & pillow!
He came to visit Nanna's house. He snuggled up with SG.
We won't tell the class that Honey wanted to play with Stanley, & drag him off!

I will have to try to get some ink to print photos for Stanley's diary! My printer is out of coloured ink.
Stanley has a better social life than we do! He is a very lucky, & loved little bear.




Seals & Crofts. Diamond Girl.

19 comments:

Jorja's Nanna said...

Hi Meggie,
Been away for the weekend and just catching up with all the blogs.
It's dreadful how some so called professionals can take advantage of vunerable people. I hope that your friend is recovered from her problems and that the 'scars' have healed.
That dear little SG of yours is growing up fast Meggie. He was just a baby when I first read about him a year ago. Now he is a big schoolboy. Well done to him for getting Star of The Week. Lovely to let the children take Stanley home for the weekend. I'm sure there are kids out there who don't know the benefit of having a Teddybear friend. Oh the secrets that little bear must hear!

alice said...

Oh gosh, the story of your friend saddens me greatly. Although she did not think of it as a concern at the time, I wonder if she does now.

I have learned so much about myself from my blogging. I wrote, just recently a post saying much along the same lines as you, about the 'therapy' that blogging can bring, the self learning, the feeling of 'me too'.

You have written it so well.

Love to Stanley. My class has a 'Charlie' who goes home each weekend. The children love the idea. I think Charlie does too!

ancient one said...

Your blog has resonance to me. The first time I read it, I felt the connection.

To think that a "shrink"/doctor would take advantage of their patient is unthinkable...until your read about things such as that every day...

Our world is "messed up" place.

Your GS is really growing up. I love that he got to bring the class mascot home.

Mike said...

I'm not too crazy about "shrinks" either. Some time ago my wife and I went to one as a couple thing. It was interesting, but I found that it was quite easy to manipulate the whole process. Comically easy. The whole process of psychiatry seems suspect to me now.

I suppose for some though, it is just easier to talk to a total stranger about things.

paula said...

Well, I for one am happy to have 'met' you, dear Meggie!

Ali Honey said...

Hi Meggie,I agree with you that blogging and computers in general can be isolating BUT i think the advantages far outway the disadvantges. One may choose who they like to visit and revisit and pick those blogs ( or email friends )that please, enlighten stimulate or amuse. Usually folk who blog do so cause they enjoy writing and communicating and all have that in common. We all have the real world of family and friends where we don't always get to choose. It is the "anytime," around the world part that beats phone calls.( you pick when it suits you )

Well done Grandson! It sure beats getting to take the kindy pet rats home for the holidays!

jellyhead said...

You know Meggie, I think the need for counsellors (not psychiatrists, but counsellors), has arisen largely from the fact that not many people these days are excellent listeners. We often lose concentration, or jump in with ill-considered advice too quickly, or simply don't have time to even allow the conversation to begin. In an ideal world, our closest friends or family would listen to our troubles (and vice versa), and problems would be sorted out in this way. Yet in my work I see that this isn't happening for so many people.

I am so fortunate in having two dear friends who both listen to me with love and patience. I continue to try to be a good listener but I'm afraid there is still room for improvement!

I loved this post so much I wrote my own post in the comments section..... sorry about that! Hope you're enjoying the long weekend :)

bluemountainsmary said...

I am finding seeing a therapist/counsellor most useful , if only because she really knows a lot about what J and I are going through. And sometimes I feel as though it is asking too much of friends to really understand how difficult it can be.

Much to think on in this post - the good and the sad.

Kitty said...

I couldn't agree more Meggie - blogging is its own therapy in lots of ways - both through the writing and the reading (and connecting) with other bloggers.

As for that counsellor who practiced 'deep tissue massage' ... I'm appalled. It is a total abuse of his position with regard to vulnerable individuals who consult him. I'd have been sorely tempted to report him to the appropriate authorities. God knows what kind of harm he caused to your frend - and others?

x

meggie said...

Jenny, I am so aware of how quickly those childhood years fly by. Each time I get a hug & a kiss from SG I savour it! He is such a loving little boy, & he began to fear he was not going to get his turn with the Bear!

Alice, Thankyou for your inspiration!!

Ann, It seems I feel your connection from over here!

Mike, I have experienced something similar. It shook my beliefs, you might say.

Paula, Ditto, ditto. Thankyouxx

Ali, Don't misunderstand me, I believe blogging to be beneficial beyond measure most times. It is wonderful to find kindred spirits!
Also wonderful to let go of hurts, real or percieved, & often, perspecitive is found.

Jelly, I feel isolation, in all it's forms, is the cause of a lot of the misery around us. I considered doing counselling - ie, becoming an 'ear' long ago. I knew I was too soft to hear the sadness in a detached fashion. I think small groups around a table- such as a sewing group or a 'crazies' group would benefit so many! I know our local lady GP acts as counsellor so often! Hence, blown out times for appts. I never feel angry at the waits, I feel someone else's need may be greater than mine, & also, my turn comes now & then! BTW, I LOVE your post on my post! Feel free, -& welcome!

Mary, I know the benefit of truly caring empathetic people, also.

Kitty, I was very tempted to report him. However, I looked at my friend, & realised I may do more harm than good. Sometimes keeping our own counsel is the better option.

Stomper Girl said...

I agree with Jellyhead about the listening. And I agree with you Meggie about being disgusted with the counsellor who crossed the line. It sounds predatory to me.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I enjoy your perspective on things and in this case, your thoughts on "resonance".

Working mum said...

How true about tantrums dissipating in the face of unconditional love - when daughter tells me she doesn't love me I automatically say "Well, I'll always love you" and she stops!

smilnsigh said...

Sure enough, it's wonderful to find resonance through the World Wide Net. We both know that we have our points of resonance. :-) And of what I speak, I find few who do resonate. Which you know, also. And am still pondering on how to find others ~ of like mind. :-)

In my more fanciful moments, I wonder if there is some sort of blog *button* one could make, if they were techy... which would be a *secret sign* to the like minded. -giggles-

Ahemmm, can you tell it's very hot up here in my neck of the woods and I am probably sounding a bit as if I'm "heat-struck"! LOL.

I know I had another point to ramble on about, in comment on your interesting {as always} entry... But maybe it's best that it has escaped me. >,-)

I'll now go and run very cold water on my wrists. I read that idea, a long time ago. And funny but, it seems to help. :-)

Mari-Nanci
Smilnsigh

Tanya Brown said...

Re: the Deep Tissue Massage - eek. Eek. I agree with you. That "therapist" should have been strung up by his toes, or perhaps flung in stocks in the courthouse square at noon.

Thimbleanna said...

Sadly Meggie, I share your same opinion of counselors. There've been times when I've thought -- gee, maybe a counselor would help but then I tell myself --what for? they're not going to tell me one darn thing that I don't already know but probably just don't want to admit! SG sure is a lucky little guy to have such a wonderful Grandma!

caramaena said...

My goodness, how adorable is sg! He is growing up so much.

I do a similar thing when Chickie's upset and says he hates me. He gets a bit confused by that, he looks as if he expects me to say that I hate him back.

fifi said...

That is so horrible: what a predatory person the counsellor was. I would have reported him!!! I hate that.

I am thinking this blogging seems to act like a form of therapy, it maks people think about things differently, and if there is aproblem, so many people shout out to help. And really, some things you wouldn't bring up in conversation over scones.

Sometimes I worry I have far to little to do with people: comes with being an artmaker, which is not a very social pursuit.

The Sagittarian said...

What a great post and you are right. And I love the wee teddy bear!!