Wednesday, February 21

Phone Rage

Or, How To Waste An Hour of Your Life!

I have just spent approximately an hour on the phone, listening to idiots tell me the virtues & wonders of the very product which has broken down, & been sent off to be repaired or replaced!!

First you get lectured about having all the necessary information to hand, so you make sure it is all lined up, within your sight, on paper.

This is very necessary, because after sitting listening to a long series of 'Your call is very important to us, please hold'. And, 'There are two callers on hold before you'. And, 'You are in a queue, & your call will be attended to'. And endless exhortations to buy said product because of it's most marvellous properties, & features and new technology!

You sit & ponder the ludicrousness of these bleatings about the 'Super Features' of this product, because your personal one has crapped out in the worst way, & would not perform any of the wondrous & fabulous features, about which it claims to be so 'Top of the Range' & expert.

You start muttering in colours, & then screeching in very bright colours, about the 'idiots' who taped such maddening crap, to be played repeatedly in your weary earhole. And you imagine yourself getting hold of said idiots, & strapping phones to both ears, & replaying their tapes to them for a couple of hours, to see how THEY like it!

And as they assure you that you will shortly be attended to by a 'technician', you remember that little Damian, or whoever you last managed to raise from the dead, to speak to, told you it is only a call centre, & they dont actually have the units there. This remembrance calls for more colourful noises from you, & more shouted things, like LIES!! WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME??!!! YOU #$%%^&!!!! %$##!!!

So... by the time a real live one comes to your ear, you are reduced to some gibbering wreck who cannot for the life of them remember any thing about the product or it's model number, or your 'Service receipt number'. Or really, why the hell you are holding onto the phone in the first place! Luckily you had the foresight to write all this down, & you suddenly remember this fact, rather truiumphantly, & you reel off the relevant information.

Then you enquire of Damian if the wheels have fallen off the call centre for the day? He takes this quite literally, & becomes confused. Haha, you say, I was only joking. He sounds relieved & then repeats & repeats all the information you have just given him, as if this will awaken his brain to the task at hand.

Finally, he comes to an understanding of your query, & your assurnaces that the courier took the said item away some 14 days ago. So then he tells you he has to go away to the 'back' to check on this information.

And you are again left dangling on the end of a dead phone.... wondering if he has gone for a smoke, or perhaps even a 3 course lunch somewhere on the banks of the river which runs through the city he is working in. And you mutter more colourful threats this time.

And just when you decide he has probably done this to 'get rid of you'- because, let's face it, surely noone is going to sit around THIS long on the end of a dead phone!- he arrives back- in time to catch muttered thoughts about his whereabouts & heritage, & he apologises for taking so long. He assures you he had to go Way Way out Back, to discover the status of the unit. Which it turns out has been repaired- F! I was hoping it would be replaced, as I work on the theory of once a lemon always a lemon!

So after a heated hour, with the fan on full blast to try to 'keep my cool' I am finally told I should have the unit back by Friday ....or Monday.

No wonder GOM leaves me to do most of the telephone dealings.

We had a prearranged visitor, a stranger, to the house this morning. Leo did his best to bite the poor man on his leg!
I was appalled, so I will have to see about getting some training for the mut. We cant have him doing that.


Lois R. said...

Howdy, Meggie! Just catching up on a few days worth of your blog.

Sounds like a great day with the Grandson. So glad you had a fun day.

And I'm with you on the character lines and (in my case) gray hairs. Loved the parallels between our passing youth and the aging of the sunflower. Fantastic post -- again!

Blue Moon Girl said...

Oh! I know what you mean!! I hate it when that sort of thing happens. Sometimes I wonder if there's some person who sits and listens to all of my colorful and grumpy mutterings and gets a good laugh. Because there is no other explanation!!

We recently had a serious issue when we were told that a product we had must brake down and be repaired three times and then on the fourth it would be considered a lemon and replaced. Well. Magically the warranty on said item ran out two weeks before it broke for the fourth time. So no replacement. We don't even want to discuss the "colorful mutterings" that came out of my mouth after that one!!

It has been a bit since I have managed to catch up on your blog. Sorry! A Very Happy Belated Birthday to you! I hope it was lovely!

joyce said...

We had problems with our internet connection (satelite dish) and I spent hours on the phone. I am the one in the house who knows about computers but they listened to my husband repeat what I was saying much better than they would listen to me. It was very frustrating. Why do they assume a man would know more than a woman when it is so rarely the case? Lol.

velcro said...

Never ever complain about the call centre staff when you're on hold, even if you hear music playing. Sometimes the company has the hold system working one way so that they can hear you but you can't hear them.......

meggie said...

BMG We have had items cease to function, the moment the warranty runs out too.
J, who DO they listen to a man more than a woman, as GOM knows nothing about this or the electrical items in the house!
V, I have often wondered about that very thing! I try not to actually abuse the personel, but more the item I am phoning to grizzle about! LOL They must get a few laughs though!

Aunty Evil said...

Hi Meggie,

I once sat on hold for so long, like you. The only difference was, when I was finally "the next in line", the BLOODY IDIOT on the other end picked up the phone then accidently (?) dropped the receiver! I was so furious I nearly popped a vein.

As for Joyce's comment, I am a computer technician, and yet, if I call my service provider for assistance on anything, I am still treated like an idiot. So don't feel too bad about it. They are all just sexist pigs. :)

Wow, you all have me on my soapbox early today!

Shelina said...

Hi Meggie, I think I had the same conversation this morning with the same company. For some reason I couldn't get my DSL connected, so I called to have my password reset. I thought it would be a simple request, but I did have to go through the long wait period where they told me that whatever I wanted could be found on the internet, which I couldn't get on.

Isabelle said...

Oh, this post made me smile all right - though I wouldn't have at the time. At least life's trying experiences give us something to write blogs about!

My float said...

It's a shame you couldn't set Leo on Damien the call centre man of dubious heritage!!

Peggy said...

Hi Meggie! Thank you for stopping by my blog. I have had such fun reading some of your posts. Looks like you enjoy your pets and grandchildren as much as I do!

Stomper Girl said...

For that sort of phone call you definitely need a speaker-phone. That way you just keep pottering around/reading the paper until a real person comes along.