Or, How To Waste An Hour of Your Life!
I have just spent approximately an hour on the phone, listening to idiots tell me the virtues & wonders of the very product which has broken down, & been sent off to be repaired or replaced!!
First you get lectured about having all the necessary information to hand, so you make sure it is all lined up, within your sight, on paper.
This is very necessary, because after sitting listening to a long series of 'Your call is very important to us, please hold'. And, 'There are two callers on hold before you'. And, 'You are in a queue, & your call will be attended to'. And endless exhortations to buy said product because of it's most marvellous properties, & features and new technology!
You sit & ponder the ludicrousness of these bleatings about the 'Super Features' of this product, because your personal one has crapped out in the worst way, & would not perform any of the wondrous & fabulous features, about which it claims to be so 'Top of the Range' & expert.
You start muttering in colours, & then screeching in very bright colours, about the 'idiots' who taped such maddening crap, to be played repeatedly in your weary earhole. And you imagine yourself getting hold of said idiots, & strapping phones to both ears, & replaying their tapes to them for a couple of hours, to see how THEY like it!
And as they assure you that you will shortly be attended to by a 'technician', you remember that little Damian, or whoever you last managed to raise from the dead, to speak to, told you it is only a call centre, & they dont actually have the units there. This remembrance calls for more colourful noises from you, & more shouted things, like LIES!! WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME??!!! YOU #$%%^&!!!! %$##!!!
So... by the time a real live one comes to your ear, you are reduced to some gibbering wreck who cannot for the life of them remember any thing about the product or it's model number, or your 'Service receipt number'. Or really, why the hell you are holding onto the phone in the first place! Luckily you had the foresight to write all this down, & you suddenly remember this fact, rather truiumphantly, & you reel off the relevant information.
Then you enquire of Damian if the wheels have fallen off the call centre for the day? He takes this quite literally, & becomes confused. Haha, you say, I was only joking. He sounds relieved & then repeats & repeats all the information you have just given him, as if this will awaken his brain to the task at hand.
Finally, he comes to an understanding of your query, & your assurnaces that the courier took the said item away some 14 days ago. So then he tells you he has to go away to the 'back' to check on this information.
And you are again left dangling on the end of a dead phone.... wondering if he has gone for a smoke, or perhaps even a 3 course lunch somewhere on the banks of the river which runs through the city he is working in. And you mutter more colourful threats this time.
And just when you decide he has probably done this to 'get rid of you'- because, let's face it, surely noone is going to sit around THIS long on the end of a dead phone!- he arrives back- in time to catch muttered thoughts about his whereabouts & heritage, & he apologises for taking so long. He assures you he had to go Way Way out Back, to discover the status of the unit. Which it turns out has been repaired- F! I was hoping it would be replaced, as I work on the theory of once a lemon always a lemon!
So after a heated hour, with the fan on full blast to try to 'keep my cool' I am finally told I should have the unit back by Friday ....or Monday.
No wonder GOM leaves me to do most of the telephone dealings.
We had a prearranged visitor, a stranger, to the house this morning. Leo did his best to bite the poor man on his leg!
I was appalled, so I will have to see about getting some training for the mut. We cant have him doing that.