I am still resting on my laurels a bit here, as I have not proceeded with much further sewing over the last few days. We have had other things to occupy our time, & it seems quite nice today- not too hot, so I might get some sewing done.
It is something to ponder, the thought that we are all of the people we have ever been, and all of the ages we have ever been. And we carry all of those people inside us forever.
And 'they' make us the person we are today.
And 'they' must surface every now & then, I suppose.
I can still vividly remember being 3 years old, & terrified when my finger got shut in a car door, & the tip of it was almost severed. I relived that feeling & horror when my son got his finger shut in the front door & the tip was only hanging by a thread of skin. And I looked at it, & wished I hadnt. I could see the bone. I just panicked, & stood in the doorway screaming, clutching my son's hand.
I suppose, inside, I was a terrified 3 year old again, with no control. I saw the neighbour at her kitchen window, but she never came to help. I found out later, she had seen the blood, & went to hide under a bed! That was her terrified reaction.
Luckily another neighbour heard my screams, & she came to the rescue, said her daughter had done exactly the same thing, & she calmly got a towel, & just wrapped the whole hand & arm up. Then got her husband to take us to the Hospital. Where GOM came & took over. They had told us it would have to be amputated. I went home to get his things, a favourite toy. When I returned a wonderful Doctor had saved it, & sewn it all back on.
Usually I seem to be good in a crisis, & just go all calm, & deal with things. It is later that I fall apart, & have my cry. After the crisis is all over.
When that same son came off his bike, & badly broke his arm, front teeth, & nearly lost an eye, I coped until the crisis was 'over.' I rode in the ambulance with him, & spoke calmly to him, to try to keep him calm. Later, at home, I fell apart totally.
There were childhood accidents for my daughter also, & I always managed to keep calm. But there are still moments in my life when I seem to be a worried little girl again. Moments when I feel I would like a hand to hold, & a 'Mummy' to guide me along. And moments of teenage pain, relived.
Of course all the good times, when happiness dominated, are part of my being too. And helpless, enraged parts, & helpless giggling parts, or roaring with laughter. My daughter made me laugh in a shopping mall, & I laughed so hard, I couldnt stop. I was doubled up laughing, but now, I cant even remember what it was about. But I still remember the laughter! And people staring, then grinning at my helpless laughter.
And times in school, when a group of us would get the 'giggle bug', & we would be unable to stop. It would seem contagious, & sweep the class. I can still remember a singing teacher we had, who demanded to know what was so funny. None of us could tell her, which made it somehow seem funnier.
(As some comic relief- I read a post on Breed em & Weep yesterday, that reduced me to helpless tears of laughter. I couldnt read for the tears. It is a post called "Return of The Squalor, Redux". Dont read it, if you have an aversion to doggy doo!)
But back to the totalling of me. haha. What I want to know now, is, if all the people I was, are still there, where did the 'shell' go? I looked at my wrist & it seems to have become my Grandmothers. It has had a perpetual bruise on it for about 4 weeks, & just when it appears to be gone, I rebruise it, somehow, & there it is again- grandmother's skin!
I can still feel a little girl, ....but I can never appear a little girl. Or even a young woman. Age sneaks up on you, while you are imagining you are still only 'so&so'.
I dont feel my age, but parts of my body feel plus! Very much plus!
I think it looks worse than it really is. I am left handed, so I guess it gets more use.
It really does feel like a nice day, so I will be off to enjoy it, one way or another.