Wednesday, July 30

Playground Taunts

Remember the playground chants....
"Cowardy Cowardy Custard"

Well that is how I am feeling right now.

For some time now, our little dog Honey has had a lump on one ear. From time to time she seemed to be bothered by this lump, & would claw away at her ear.

She has been a little prone to dermatitis, & itches in the Spring. I once mentioned the lump to the Vet, when she was in a frenzy of scratching at her ear. The Vet assured me it was not the 'lump', but was sure to be an ear infection, which small dogs are prone to get.

Duly treated, & settled. However the 'lump' has contiued to morhp into something different. It now turns black from time to time, & seems to 'shed' cells, & recover to a pink 'lump'. After a fashion. Lately it has been quite vile looking, so today I took her to have it examined once more.

This time the Vet- a different one- thought perhaps it should be removed. I agreed, & tomorrow, I take my little Honey in for sugery. Albeit minor.

I know I will be on edge all day, until I can collect her again. She seems so tiny, & I hate the thought of her in any pain. She was so quiet in the Vet waiting room. So timid, & frightened. It was as if she knew. I wish our favourite Vet was going to operate. He is so good with her, & she trusts him. Perhaps he will oversee the operation. The Vet we saw this evening is a new one. Honey was not sure about her.

When we came home, Leo seemed full of concern. He sniffed Honey all over, & then paid attention to her ear.
Here, he seems to be saying, "I am OK! I dont need anything - except a good bath & a haircut!!"




Here Honey is saying, "I will just ignore all this hoo ha, & pretend it isn't going to happen!"

The ear on the left in the pic is the one to be operated upon, & the small dark patch, is where the vet took a sample, & it was bleeding when she finished. I hope it is not cancer, & if it is, I hope it is a cancer that can be 'captured'.

*********

Other exchanges today, after a shopping expedition with Hitler resulted in sharp words. The Real Mean Cusswords were brought out, in hurt anger.

The endless sifting through the packets, & tins, for duplications or OUT-of DATE items, drives me crazy. I can hear the furtive movements. I finally go out, to find the whole F***ing pantry rearranged!! Guilty looks, sneaky movements...FFS what is wrong with this man??!!

Our daughter is a homecare worker, she deals with people like this every day. I think her blood runs as cold as mine, in worry & wonder. Her Grandmother went 'nuts'. She was officially diagonsed with Alzheimers. She may have just had dementia. She took years to die. She drove all who had contact with her to the point of almost-insanity, trying to cope with her 'insanity'. Her sad, 'missing-ness'. It is so hard, to realise the person to whom you speak, has no real clue as to what you mean.

That sounds callous, but I dont mean it to be. I can't retell here, the trauma & suffering it caused to so many. I try not to think about it. I try to deny it is happening 'close to home'. But, ... I do have to wonder....

Yet, there are the bright & happy periods of normalcy. When you tell yourself you imagined the 'dodgy bits'.

I screeched at him today, that I have to leave. I cannot live with his 'oddness'. His bloody minded cruelty.

'Where would you go?' he snaps. 'You have nowhere'. It all gets too sad.

Then, the tenative apologies. The peace moves. I am too tired. I am too sad. I have not got the energy, to bolster someone else's ego.

Tomorrow, I will keep vigil for my Honey.

Pheobe Snow, Keep a Watch On the Shoreline.

26 comments:

Lucy said...

Oh dear Meggie, I am sorry, about Honey and the battles at home.

We've all laughed affectionately at GOM's antics, but you really sound as if you're struggling.

I wonder sometimes when things get overwrought in a row or when something gets out of proportion, or unkind things are said, how much would I be prepared to take of this if it became the norm?

My lovely sister had to leave her husband when he really lost his mind and things got scary; she said if they'd had a much stronger bond in the first place she could perhaps have gone on longer, but it seemed to me she went on longer than anyone should have been expected to. But it does seem as though the firmer your foundations, as yours are, the better your chances of pulling each other back from the edge for longer. I don't know if I'm making sense...

I feel for you with Honey, having been going through similar; it will pass and she will be fine, but it's very anguishing, isn't it?

A big hug to you and a lick from Molly!

ancient one said...

Maybe he is as worried over Honey as you are. People deal with fear in different ways. When we feel we have no control over some things, we have to do something to prove we have control over something. Maybe that's why the pantry had to be reorganized that time.

Angry words can slip right out when we are dealing with fear. I do hope Honey doesn't have the big C word that everyone hates to say outloud. I think everyone fears that word so much.

I'm praying that Honey does well during her operation and gets good results with her diagnosis.

Mike said...

Sorry about your little dog and your aggravations at home. Honestly, I think that that sort of thing happens in all long-term marriages to a greater or lesser degree. We have days like that around here. Fortunately we have more good days than bad days. For now.

Tanya Brown said...

Oh, dear; I'm sorry about little Honey, and I'll keep a kind thought for her surgery and recovery.

I'm sorry, too, for the other troubles on the home front. Trust your gut.

Christine Thresh said...

Oh, dear; you are going through a bad patch.
You have hundreds of friends and we are all thinking about you and sending warm wishes.

Kitty said...

(((((meggie))))) xx

daysgoby said...

I hope Honey sails through recovery and is bounding around before you know it! (She seems like that kind of dog!)

Meggie, it's okay to be tired. (As in so tired of carrying this burden, not as in 'I need a nap!')

Love to you, and I hope you find peace (in change?) soon.

Thimbleanna said...

Oh good luck to sweet little Honey tomorrow. And to you too dear Meggie.

quiltmom said...

HI Meggie
I sure hope that Honey will be fine- it is always scary when the ones we love are sick and frightening because we really can't do anything but wait and be there.

As for life on the home front- its hard when life gets topsy turvy between two people. Alzheimers and dementia are frightening words and terrifying illnesses that are especially horrible for families. My mother in law has Alzheimers and it has been very hard to lose this vital person by inches.
I will be thinking of you and yours.
Regards
Anna

Ali Honey said...

Good luck from this Honey to your Honey!

Maybe try and remember that it is Gom's behaviour you dislike rather than Gom. Tell him as much. Kindly let him know how you feel so at least he is warned. He may then think about it later when alone even if he won't admit it to you.

Your anger is understandable - I'd be really upset if someone destroyed my garden, threw away perfectly good food etc.

Hope you can still smile my friend - hugs ; and I will think of you and Honey tomorrow.

Strider said...

What breed of dog is Honey? She looks like a Maltese (SP?). My wife adores that breed. I'm sure the surgery will go well. My dad told me once that he had spent a life time worrying about things that never materialized. Take care.

Nancy said...

Hope all goes well for Honey tomorrow and this is not cancer. Addressing your almost-curses yesterday. I recently read a memoir of a soldier at the Battle of the Bulge, WWII and he mentioned screaming mimis. Seems they were mortars or bombs, that made a severe screaming sound as they were incoming and that's where the expression came from.
Glad I never heard the original sound, as it's an expression I use. I enjoy reading your blog from my place in central Indiana, USA.

Kellie said...

I'm sure your little honey will be fine tomorrow. But what of you? Maybe GOM needs some bright light therapy or a bop on the head! :) Besides there are plenty of places for you to go ... remember your off to my place on Sunday for cupcakes! :)

Linds said...

Hugs, Meggie....

Nicola said...

Thinking of you Meggie. Can't live with them - can't live without them.
Nicola in WA

The Sagittarian said...

Hi Meggie, I agree with Ali Honey for what its worth. I reckon blokes can be like kids so you have to deal with the behaviour first. My husband drives me crackers continuously telling me how to cook, how to chop wood...how to do anything really. Usually I end up walking away cos you can't shoot 'em.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Here's to a safe and speedy recovery for Honey. I think things will seem better without your current worry over Honey.

Jellyhead said...

Hi Meggie, I hope things went well today with Honey.

I hope also that your argument with GOM was just one of those bad days and nothing more.

XOXO

bluemountainsmary said...

And now it is my turn to be wishing I could be with you and give you a great big hug.

Men eh? You KNOW I understand what you are saying...

Jorja's Nanna said...

Hi Meggie,
Sorry to hear about Honey. I'm sure she will be fine but like you I would be sick with worry until I got her home again.
Your GOM is no different to most. Mine drives me nuts sometimes too. Never listens to a word I say then starts an argument over it when I have to explain over and over and over. I say to him, 'If you listened to me the first time, I wouldn't have to nag!' LOL

Knot Garden said...

I do hope Honey is OK.
My father had a form of dementia which started in his late 40's. It all seems to come under the umbrella of Alzheimer's these days.

MarmiteToasty said...

Honey will be just fine, Im sure of that and all your worry will of been for nuffin..... I know its hard not to worry about our beloved pets though....

Sorry to hear that things aint to grand on the home front, keep ya chin up girl....

x

Isabelle said...

Hope things have improved. Thinking of you and your sweet little Honey.

Molly said...

Good luck to you and Honey. As for GOM---deep breaths! and keep to the high road.....

Quilting Kim said...

Oh, Meggie - I will be sending good thoughts and wishes for Honey and try not to worry until you have to worry.

Rosie said...

Oh Meggie, feel better soon! Things are difficult for both of you when you are worried about Honey. We all have days when we could cheerfully strangle our own GOM. Mine is getting more eccentric by the day...but then, so am I!
Hope she is better soon. I'm off to the vets with one of Porridge's ears tomorrow...is it the phase of the moon or something?