I received this in an email from Nice Neighbour this morning, & it made me laugh out loud. I just couldnt resist putting it here on the blog.
I hope it brings a laugh for you too!
TO: ALL STAFF
FROM: THE MANAGEMENT
DATE: OCTOBER. 1994
SUBJECT: EARLY RETIREMENT
Due to the current financial situation, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put all employees over thirty five (35) years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).
Personnel selected to be RAPED can apply to Management for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). The situation of employees who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). An employee may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice but SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Employees who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (additional Income For Dependants or Spouses) or HERPES (Half Earning or Retirinig Personnel Early Severance). Obviously employees who had AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.)
Employees staying on will receive as much SHIT (special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives its Employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT please bring this to the attention of your Manager. He/She has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
I know it is not exactly funny in some respects, as early 'retirement' has been forced onto far too many able, talented people.
It is breathlessly hot outside, & I am cringing indoors with the airconditioner roaring.
I have been listening to old favourite music. In particular Janis Ian.
My brain is having a little holiday, due to heat- or else I might be lying to myself again, & it is just laziness.
So here is a quote from one Janis' songs, 'Aftertones'.
Sometimes its all too much to say aloud
the sound's a shroud
the meanings crowd
Sometimes the words are painful to the ear
They disappear and nothing's clear
Til all that's left to see are aftertones
I take them home
We live alone
But I remember chains of melody
It pleases me-this song's for free.
I love most of her music & feel she writes beautifully.
My daughter & AAG both enjoy her music too, so she is still 'current' in our family.
I cant remember a time in my life when I wasnt aware of music.
My Grandparents had an old Gulbransen Magic Eye radio, it was a huge piece of 'furniture' & stood on the floor in the lounge. My brother & I would get into trouble, because we loved playing about with the tuning of it, watching the 'eye' swell & shrink. It came with a shortwave frequency band, & we also used to love the high pitched weird sound effects we could get playing about with that also.
I think it never occurred to turn it right down, so we always got caught out when we tinkered with it.
I remember a lot of classical music, & expect that might be where I gained my love of classical music. I do remember my mother hated sopranos though, she always called them "Screeching Hussies!"
Her absolute favourites were tenors, & in particular Irish Tenors.
I loved Richard Tauber, & once went out with a man just for his collection of Richard Tauber music!
Well, I can smell food, -- GOM is loose in the kitchen, so I had better go see what he is up to.