Wednesday, June 27

The positively last haircut!

After the last disastrous scalping experience, I have put off going anywhere near a hairdresser. I had more or less made up my mind to let it grow, hoping that over winter, I could get it long enough to tie or pin back, by the time summer comes around, with it's awful sticky heat.

It was getting me down, & GOM sort of hinted it was a bit 'untidy'. He learnt long ago, that hair is one of those dynamite topics, to be approached only by the very foolhardy or the totally insane, with a death wish.

I decided to try a salon owned, as I mistakenly thought, by a man, a Mr Tintinninni, with good hair tactics, for want of a better description. Women emerging from his 'other' salon, all appear happy & look completely sane, which has to be a plus after a hair cut.

So off we went, with fear & a little loathing, on my part.

I should have learnt by now, that if a girl approaches one/you with a severely burnt-end, frizzed, set of hair tufts, sticking straight out at all angles, one/you should be very afraid, And, if she is also bearing the body of an extremely emaciated 11 year old, whose very pelvic bones threaten to shred the vynyl chairs upon contact, one/you should RUN!!

But stupid me. I sat down, although I did almost bolt. I patiently explained what I wanted. I thought I described it in English which could be easily understood. I made it quite bloody obvious clear, that I did not wish to be SCALPED, nor made an object of ridicule or disbelief.

I wanted the overall length to be left, apart from a fringe area, & the back, nape of the neck area, which could be short. I explained I was growing a bob, with a view to having my hair longer.

Imagine my disbelief when the very first cuts, were in the wrong place, at the wrong length. I should have just jumped up then, & rushed out the door, flinging off all the neck chokers & cloaks, & other hideous draperies. I SHOULD have.

But, stupidly, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. The other hairdresser, who had heard my requests had gone to get coffee. And I watched in transfixed horror, as my hair fell at the snips of the skeletal fingers wielding the scissors.

I cowered & cringed as the other girl returned with her coffee, another client appeared, then another hairdresser, then a male. Finally I told the skeleton inept idiot "JUST LEAVE IT!" as she was about to do more damage to the front, as her final touch. I STUPIDLY paid, & rushed out the door.

GOM looked stunned. He knew better than to utter a word. He put a comforting arm about my shoulder. I sooo badly wanted to cry.

I could not believe the stupid cow creature had cut one side shorter than the other, & somehow thinned it all out as well. And had left tons of hair on the back, where I told her I did NOT want it.

I am left with a lopsided haircut, that can only be corrected by cutting even more hair off. I just cant face that. I rang Mr Tintinninni, who sounded not one bit surprised at my tale of woe. He told me has sold the salon. I told him it is giving him a bad name, since it still bears his name. He offered to try to fix my hair. He told me to ring the owner to complain.

As I explained to his sympathetic ear, I could not complain at the time. No one wants to burst into hysterical crying in a shop with 4 other staff goggling on. Plus one client. He agreed I was right to leave.

I am still waiting for Simple Simon -the new owner- to return my call. I gave no indication it was a complaint. I will bet they knew though.

We have had one quote for the carpet. The nice man brought along the sample we had tenatively chosen. It looked like a dead, & extremely dirty elephant, lying on the floor in our lounge. We wont be going with that choice!

Does anyone have tips on what to eat to encourage hair growth?? I wish I had the guts to just go the shave option.

There is a lot longer than a week between this bad haircut & a decent one!!


caramaena said...

Bad haircuts are the worst. Is it cool enough to take a liking to so stylish hats where you are?

Alison said...

Oh Meggie...been there done that!
But I have to admit as I read your story I did have a bit of a giggle.
It's full steam ahead since you learnt how to strike out words.But I do really truely understand that a bad haircut is very traumatic.
And it does grow slower in winter also(am trying to be funny) but it really does grow slower in winter.
And thanks for the giggle.
I will try to be more serious next time.

joyce said...

Your story reminded me why I NEVER go to hairdressers. My daughter, who also has long hair, trims the ends once in awhile. I always have to coax her to cut a bit more off. Hairdressers seem to hate long hair. Their first words,when I still went, always used to be "Do you want it all off?" in a hopeful tone.

Thimbleanna said...

Oh, so sorry about your bad cut! It being winter, could you just knit a pretty hat and wear it for a week or two? ;-)

Joni said...

Good grief! I am feeling for you and I hope you can get your cut fixed right. I bet you listen to your gut instincts next time right?

ancient one said...

We've all been there! I really expected to see a picture at the end of the story. I wouldn't have put a picture up, but always felt that you are braver than me.

Angie said...

Oh Meggie, Oh I'm so sorry, oh Lord, I can't help it!!! I have whooped, and hollered, laughing so hard my dh rushes in to see what all the ruckus is about and I HAVE to read this post to him. Laughing so hard, I am, that I can hardly type--you see, my sister has been (keeps going thru occasionally) these 'stylish' haircuts with stylists that do not, cannot understand the "English" language!!! Oh dear Megs, I'm so sorry about your 'do'---can you make some quilted scarves or hats, do you think??? ROFL

Linds said...

I know how you feel, Meggie. I am a scalping survivor too. Hats and scarves. In my experience, the one with the shears NEVER listens to what I say. I avoid them like the plague.

Elaine Adair said...

Oh dear - a bad haircut ruins a person's entire self-esteem for months! I'm sorry.

The best hairdresser I ever had told me how he got to be a hairdresser. He had gone to the local community college to learn how to weld !!!, but the class was full, so he decided to take a class in haircutting! He was absolutely wonderful, and opened a shop, etc. I don't see him any more, unfortunately, and now I am still searching for just ONE who knows what I'm saying when I give instructions. Hard to explain to them, isn't it? Hang in there.

Tanya Brown said...

Forgive me - this had me laughing so hard the whole house shook.

Personally, I think you should blame the whole thing on GOM and bring it up every time there's an argument for the next twenty years. (That's what I'd do.)

Also, I'm pretty sure from your description that the hairdresser was a zombie. Zombie hairdressers need to be avoided at all costs, particularly if they're holding scissors or spouting nonsense about wanting brains. The fact that she darned near scalped you is telling - you probably fled that salon just in time.

I'm sorry about the hair, but I'm glad you escaped with your life and brains intact.

Catalyst said...

Vodka, Meggie. Vodka is the answer. It won't make your hair grow any faster but you won't care any more.

teodo said...

I'm sorry for your hair!!!
Hair-dressers never understand what we want.
ciao ciao

meggie said...

Hi All, Thanks for your laughter- really I mostly find if i can manage to laugh over things I know i will survive! Or die crying.
The hat option is not one for me, I have always loathed hats, & never wear them.
And Joyce, I thought of you the whole way over to the mall.
The vodka option sounds good Catalyst, but my choice is wine, or a nice brandy with soda.
Tanya, I am really starting to wonder about my brain being intact- why do I keep returning?? And the 'blame' thing... I have plenty of other more important ammunition for rows with the GOM, hehe!

My float said...

Well, given you can't wear hats, I'm afraid the only option is to wear your hair proudly and pretend you had it done by some pretentious city hairdresser for a hair show. And THEY PAID YOU.

Be bold and brave. Believe me, people will be fooled! And before you know it, you'll have spawned a totally new look. You could be the Jennifer Aniston equivalent!!

Just be bold about it.

Guðrún said...

Oh my... poor Meggie, you should have gone to one that understood English LOL Maybe you can try to blow your hair or put some hairstuff in it (I don´t know all the names of the products you can buy to make your hair look like the stars have, not Britney Spears but the others)

Connie said...

Meggie, I'm sorry, dear, but you MAKE ME LAUGH by your dry humor...and I DO feel your pain about a BAD haircut because, believe you me, I have had my share as well. I say, wear it and flaunt it...with today's styles and fashions, I do believe ANYTHING GOES...and if you need a wine-drinking-buddy, I'm up here in USA, just ring me up. I'll have a glass in your hair's honor.
: )
Now, did I bring a smile to your little face? I hope that I did. :)

sMC said...

It happened to me Meggie, just before Christmas as well. So I went to another and said Just fix it please. It was very very short. But at least it grew back decently.

Pieces From Me said...

Oh My Gosh..I have never laughed so hard or felt so guilty doing it! You poor thing. Your description of the "stylist" (I use that term loosly) was hysterical. My mom got a really bad haircut was a special deal for $2.95. I swear! The owner of the place (a chain) spent well over $100 to buy her a wig!

Tanya said...

Poor Meggie! I don't suppose you want to post a picture of your hair-do so we can all rant with you!

Molly said...

I got my hair cut yesterday too! I'm a lot happier with mine than you are with yours though. Take Mr.T up on his offer! There is nothing that makes you feel worse than a botched scalping at the hands of an idiot...