Monday, July 30

The Emporers New Clothes.

I was treated to a nice little act this morning.

When GOM got up- later than usual- he rushed off to have his shower, & came out dressed in his 'working about home' garb.

This consists of trackpants, a T shirt, & a Polar fleece top. For years, he refused to wear trackpants, on the grounds that they very often look quite indecent, & tend to display men's 'kit & kaboodle' rather excessively, and/or obscenely.

I finally managed to convince him, if they fit well enough, they were perfectly acceptable, & were twice as warm as conventional trousers, & also given to a greater degree of comfort.

As he is mostly very reluctant to purchase new clothes since his retirement, I quite often buy things for him, out of desperation, since he tends to wear things until they are falling apart.

One particular pair of trackies, were on sale for some ridiculously cheap price, so I bought him a pair. When I got them home & he eventually tried them on, it was obvious they were a touch large for him. In fact they came up to his armpits almost! If he pulled them down to the area that now passes for his waist, the arse bag is almost down to his knees.

So of course, they are the cause of much hilarity to the whole family. They call him 'Harry High Pants', when he wears them. I offered to take them to exchange for a smaller size, but in his little display of perversity, he insisted he was keeping them, & wore them, so I could not exchange them.

So this morning he came out with the large trackies pulled almost to his armpits, & I burst out laughing. Then had to tell him to please not make me laugh, it hurts. He then proceeded to do an impression of a lumbering ape, with hands to his knees. Capering about, grunting, & leering at me. Which of course made me laugh harder.

I think he has a sadistic streak in him, somehow.

And I recall, a shirt I once bought him, once again on sale. When he tried it on, he was appalled that the sleeves, which were meant to be short were almost to his wrist. And he insisted on wearing it, & mocking me each time he did. We had had a series of shirts that had been far too small for him, in spite of being labelled XL for Extra Large. So naturally I was trying to prevent repeats by getting him XXL.

He flapped about saying he was about to depart on safari, & would just go & change into his tent.

And it reminded me of a man we knew who had been stationed in Singapore with the Army. His wife, was apparently a very large woman, & he used to tell stories about her. (We never met her) One of his stories was when she had wanted to buy a new bra, she had gone to the largest Department store in Singapore, & asked for the Undergarment section. The assistant had asked her what she wished to buy, & when she told her a new bra, he insisted the assistant had said, "Yes madam the tent section is over there!" A patent lie of course, but he got a laugh.

I get furious with GOM at times for not being sensible, & just buying himself much needed new clothing. He will look at shoes for months before actually buying a pair, whereas I make a choice with lightning speed & just buy them. I cant understand all the pfaffing about. If they fit, get them.

I have finished all the extreme pain meds, & am the normal Paracetamol for pain relief. I just feel as though I have been socked, good & hard on the jaw.

All the little floating ends of the stitches are quite disconcerting. I wondered if some passing insect had wandered in there, while I was sleeping slack jawed, but realise it is only the ends of sutures, & they will dissolve.

Ben E. King, Spanish Harlem


Connie W said...

I'm glad it doesn't hurt me to laugh as reading this post had me chuckling aloud several times. I must remember that if/when I am in your present situation that I must NOT read your posts because they always have that effect for me...laughing. I adore your posts! You are so fun.

Emma said...

GOM sounds like a barrel of laughs. I hate shopping for my hubby, our taste in clothes is very different. These days I just buy what I'm told.

I hope you're feeling better without that dreadful fang!


bec said...

Very funny (as usual!).

I wonder what are the origins of Harry High Pants? We say that at our house too.

Exuberant Color said...

I'm glad to hear that GOM has a sense of humor. I also buy when I see what I want, I'm sure not making a trip back to the store later. I had a small surgery on my lip 3 yrs. ago and I remember the sutures sticking out when they started dissolving. I thought I had grown hair on my lip!

Bren said...

What a fun post. I could picture it all! Glad you are doing better. Sounds like GOM might be a little bored with you layed up.

meggie said...

Hi All, GOM can be a barrel of laughs...& I mean barrel shaped.
I think Harry High Pants might have come from one of the comedy shows? Not Kath & Kim, but an earlier one?
And I had to laugh about the hair on the lip, Wanda!
My Daughter had a small mole removed from just under her lower lip- people kept telling her she had food on her lip. I felt sorry for her.

Tanya Brown said...

Your husband sounds like he's a keeper, all in all. There are far worse things than to laugh one's way through a marriage!

I'm glad the Evil Fang is gone; I hope recovery goes swiftly, even with ape men leering at you.

Stomper Girl said...

Naughty GOM to make you laugh when it hurts!! Fixit doesn't mind pulling the trackies up to the armpits and waddling like his grandfather to make me laugh. He always finishes it by trying to give me an extremely wet kiss as I have complained often about the disgusting kisses his Pop tries to give me. Eeew.

fifi said...

aw, guess what,

I have a broken tooth. And a haematoma in my cheek!!
(courtesy of my collision in the snow.)
I am hoping it can be fixed!!!

my daughter has taken to wearing her Nana's trackpants and caling herself harriet highpants. She thinks she's hilarious.

caramaena said...

Glad the fang has been taken care of and it's getting better.

lol at GOM. I know what you mean about guys and buying clothes. I once worked in the men's section of a department store. I actually found it really easy to sell stuff to them once you could get them in the store though. I'd often have a guy come in to buy a pair of jeans and they'd see the outfit I'd displayed with them and they'd take the lot! No trying on to see how they fit or if it looks ok on them. Just 'this is my size, I'll take that, that and those'.

Anonymous said...

Meggie, you are so funny. I am laughing my head off here. I can just imagine GOM and the trackpants. You must be feeling heaps better now, it tells in your post.
We get a bit silly like that too at times. It does you good to have a laugh. I bought my husband a Parka jacket 30 odd years ago, when we were first married. He was away at sea at the time. When he came home I got him to try it on and it was a bit big, I insisted that it would be fine in the winter with a thick jumper under it. Of course it was still too big, so I told him that he would grow into it! He wore it for years and never grew into it. It has long gone now, but everytime he tries something new on which is too big, he gives me a certain look and I know exactly what he is thinking! LOL

Ali Honey said...

Hi Meggie,
I haven't had computer time for a few days so was glad to read you are now minus the Fang! I do hope it heals well. Even though it hurt the laughing will probably aid the healing process. Laughing is so good for us all! ( so keep writing great amusing descriptions I love reading them! )
Hugs from Ali.

Mrs. Goodneedle said...

Glad you're healing and this will soon be behind you. Retired men can be just plain silly about their own appearance and clothing choices, they wouldn't tolerate it in us, I dare say.

ancient one said...

Meggie, you were entertaining as usual. But so were some of your commenters. Laughter is good medicine. And I've had a good dose this morning!!

Thimbleanna said...

Another wonderful post! We'll all have to warn you when WE have fangs removed so that you can tone down your humor. You're very funy! Glad to hear you're on the mend.

Sheila said...

It must be a man thing as mine is the same about buying new clothes. Then once he gets them home he doesn't actually wear them for months. Then..when he does, it's to do something messy like work in the garage..
Sounds like GOM has a great sense of humour, but I'm sory it still hurts to laugh..

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Glad the pain is receding and you are finding things to laugh about. Your last post..... I have always enjoyed morningside by Neil Diamond.

Linda said...

What a giggle I got this morning as I read your post, (Bren directed me here) and my DH has a pair of those infamous trackies, and in jest when pulled too high they reveal all his "equipment" Hope you recovery fully soon.

kate said...

I love it - Harry Highpants. GOM must be a hoot ... I hope you are feeling less pain daily ...

Joni said...

Kit and Kaboodles.


crafty said...

I can't decide which is funnier, the term 'arese bag', or visions of GOM prancing about in his Harry High Pants!

riseoutofme said...

Contrary creatures, men.

Glad to see your sense of humour alive and well!

h&b said...

We don't wear trackies here either - not man, or wife nor boy.

I hate them :)