Friday, May 11

Unexpected Treats, & Unexpected Fears.

The water keeps on flowing under bridges, & time keeps passing. Those things dont care about man's worries or fears. Those things are transitory, the water ever changing. Time ever passing. The Carousel of the Seasons keeps revolving.

Man's little blip of a life on the scale of Time seems so insignificant, if viewed in that context.

Yet, how we fret & worry & cry over small things that affect our daily lives. Things we feel are so important, yet seem so paltry if viewed from what I call the "100 year theory."

It all wont matter a damn in a 100 years, & who will care? About small events, small 'slights', small triumphs. Or even large ones?

I think I believe in 'the good you put out, will return to you, somewhere along the course of your life.'

Tragedies that some good people receive, would seem to put the lie to that theory. So I am not sure I am totally convinced.

But I try to live my life with that in mind.

Of course there are often events or happenings that come along to throw you off guard, or catch you unawares.

This is a pic of SIL, with a dog called Rex. When I first met Rex I was in awe of him. A little frightened I suppose. He was such a large dog, & he had mixes of breeds known to be aggressive. Rottwieler, Doberman.
SIL had bred him, from 2 dogs he had owned. Rex was SIL's brother's dog.

He was a beautiful, gentle, obedient dog. He lived with DJ & SIL for a while & we had him to stay when they went away. He really was a lovely natured dog. And now, when I see pictures of him, I think he was quite handsome really.

He has gone from this planet now. He lived a good long full life. And he taught me that another fear I had initially had was groundless.

Another fear I had is not one I am proud of, & I dont often speak about it, because I feel so ashamed about it. I was shocked to discover the feelings of fear when I realised how I felt.

GOM's niece has Cerebral Palsy. She was only 18 months old when I first met her. She had bright eyes, & seemed a happy little child. She had surgery to try to improve her walking ability, when she was about 3. She never walked again. It seemed so unfair. And she still seemed such a positive little girl, & so cheerful.

But I watched how her condition destroyed her family life. I watched her little brother suffer in the background. I watched her mother turn into a bitter lonely indignant, & angry, woman, who refused help or friendship. I watched her father tease her, taunt her. Watched her Grandmother suffer ill health because she had her every weekend.

And when I became pregnant & my MIL used to insist on visiting me every weekend, uninvited, & bringing her little disabled granddaughter with her, I hated it. I felt so ashamed. It was not the little girl's fault. But I was so filled with fear that I might have a child so afflicted, I didnt want to see her. I hope I never showed this, to the child at least. She always seemed fond of me, & I was fond of her. But she was not my blood kin. And there was the fear.

And we had a little black cat. I loved him so, but after my son was born, I didnt want him near me. What is that nature does to us, that makes us change in our attitude to some things? I know I am not the only one to feel that way. But I hated it. I wanted to still feel the same about the cat, but I couldnt. I know he knew, because he 'moved house'. We would see him about the district, well fed, & well cared for. And I was glad he had a better life, than I felt I would give him.

As it happened my babies were born healthy. And I burned with shame for having felt such awful feelings of rejection, whole I was pregnant. Unexpected, irrational. Reason told me I was being stupid. But I still couldnt conquer how I felt, no matter how irrational it was.

I never felt or feel that way about strangers. I still wonder that I felt that way when I was fond of that little girl.

As to unexpected treats, my children were/are! They were good looking babies, they grew strong & healthy. They were fun kids to have, they loved their afflicted cousin, with the cerabral palsy. They treated her with love, & respect. They have been a joy to me for all their lives.

And other unexpected treats, are good friends. We had an unexpected treat yesterday of a visit from friends. I love the fun that can result from unplanned get-to-gethers. The laughs, & jokes. The serious 'discussions'.

Some of our 'acquaintances', shall we say, dislike 'dropin' callers. I used to be a bit alarmed if the house was a shambles. Now I couldnt care less. They dont call to see the house. Usually they call to spend time with us. So any unexpected callers are welcomed with open arms- & barking dogs!


joyce said...

I never cease to be thankful that all 4 of my children and 9 grandchildren are healthy, happy and intelligent. It is a blessing.
I prefer drop-in callers. No stress about getting ready and if they don't like the mess they can always stay home!

Thimbleanna said...

Isn't it funny how we change as we get older? I used to be so worried if anyone would see the house a mess -- but now, life is just to short. Better to spend time with them and have them think me a slob than to not visit with them at all! What a nice, thoughtful post!

The Mann's... said...

I like your 100 year theory - it's important to remember that some problem that seems so consuming today will be insignificant in a month, or year, or 5 years...

Tanya Brown said...

After reading the cerebral palsy story and about your feelings and shame, it strikes me that you're a very good person.

Many people harbor such feelings or superstitions, particularly when they're pregnant. It may be a protective mechanism that's built in to us, even when we intellectually know that we "shouldn't" feel that way, that there's no real danger.

It takes a good person to face their feelings head on the way you did and have.

And you're right; 100 years from now, we will all likely be dust. It's a good thing to keep in mind as one goes about one's daily business.

Sheila said...

I love your honesty. I think many of us had similar fears when we were pregnant.
Your hundred year theory is excellent. The times I've stewed over things I had no control over !
Not anymore..I've learned to tell myself that 'today is worth two tomorrows', and worrying changes nothing.

riseoutofme said...

Sometimes its better to go with our instincts however irrational they seem at the time.

As for the drop ins .... life really is too short to be worrying about what other people think isn't it?

I'm a sucker for great, big dogs who supposedly are "dangerous"!

Lovely post, glad you're feeling better.

meggie said...

Hi Everyone. Thankyou for your input on this post, some of it expressed on the next.
I did have a fear I could not cope, have learnt from experience now, that perhaps I could, but at what price?
I think it was what I watched happen to the other members of the child's family that disturbed me most. Her brother was so scarred, he declared if he had a child like that, he would kill it before subjecting anyone to living that life. He & his lovely wife have had 4 'normal' children. They have no physical conditions, such as his sister has.
Christians say we are never given more than we can cope with. I dont subscribe to that, & after watching the disintegration of GOM's sister into increasing 'oddness' I dont feel she has 'coped' at all. She occasionally physically abused the poor girl, also. Coping? I dont think so.
And her husband's series of strokes & heart attacks may have been his body & mind 'coping'. He is dead now, & spent the last 6 years of his life, a virtual 'Zombie'.
An update on the 'little girl', is that she is an adult now, still living with her mother. Whose increasing oddness is looked upon as madness by her DIL, who wont leave her children alone with her MIL.
If I walked in those shoes, perhaps I would have retreated into madness. And what quality of life are any one of them having? or had?
I am very conscious that in writing this, I may offend parents of disabled children. That is not my intent, & I dont judge or presume to understand their position. I have just watched from the 'inside', the disintegration of one family. And every case is very different.

meli said...

Thanks for sharing this. I used to work as a home support worker for adults and children with a variety of disabilities. Most coped, some didn't - it was horrible to see the strain on some of the families. One of my favourite clients was a woman with cerebral palsy who lived alone in a little apartment in town. She couldn't walk, go to the toilet, or get into bed alone. She worked during the day, and care-workers came in the morning, dinner-time and evening to get her up, cook her dinner and put her to bed. She was happy - is happy still, I expect. She liked being in control of her home - and didn't hesitate to order us around! She taped her favourite TV programs to watch on the weekend. Thinking of her makes me smile. I know raising disabled children is horribly difficult, and I hope I never have to experience it first-hand. But sometimes it works!