Friday, May 6

Looking for the Treats..

I am looking for the Treats in Life, free or otherwise.

They do not seem abundant at present.

We have learnt sad news of Gom's decline, which cannot be reversed, and which is progressing much faster than we had thought.
I had suspected as much, so requested an appointment with the Specialist, who confirmed my worst fears. There will be no trip to the City Hospital, for life improving procedure.

Gom had a choice of continuing on with transfusions, or ceasing altogether, along with 2 other choices. We were told that life expectancy would only be 4 to 6 weeks, if he ceases to be transfused.

I cant describe how badly I wanted to cry, and scream. I forced back the tears, and put on a brave face, for Gom's sake. He took the news quite calmly really. I suspect he knew in his heart, that his time is short.

We will just have to make our last days together as lovely as we can. Gom is aware of what is happening, and the fact that our days together are numbered now. We have had some really nice time together, recently, talking about how things will pan out. It is nice to think we can still have a laugh together, in spite of the grim outlook. We have both found humour to be a great salvation in times of extreme duress, and distress.
Times in our life together that have rocked our foundations.

Today was a Free Treat, in a way.
Gome slept late, and when he woke, he got up by himself, and came to tell us he wanted to take me/us, out to lunch, for a Mother's Day treat.

We were astounded, as Gom has been so tired and listless, it was amazing to see him so determined to go out. He managed to shower and dress himself, and even put his shoes on, without help.
Our son took us to a Club, and we had a lovely lunch, with Gom eating more than we have seen him eat in 4 days!

When we came home, he was happy, and warm, and he said he had really enjoyed our time out, and he seemed content.

Palliative Care is needed, we are told.  I have contacted an Aged Care service for help. I will not be holding my breath for when either will eventually 'get around to us'. This area has the reputation as being what is termed 'God's Waiting Room'.

All I know is, we are determined to keep Gom home, with comfort and his beloved Leo, as long as we possibly can.

Sadness washes over me in engulfing waves, that threaten to drown me. I must remain strong for Gom's sake. He told me he will go into Hospital, if that will make my life easier. It breaks my heart, to think we lost a year of such closeness, because the Dr's we had would not medicate Gom when I asked them, as he was so changed and irrational.  Our new GP is incredulous we have suffered so needlessly.

No looking back, and taking each day as it comes is the best we can do now.
Queen, Long Away.


Marigold Jam said...

Oh Meggie what can I say? There is nothing I can say or do which will help you at this dreadful time but how I wish there was. I think it is great that you can talk about how things might pan out together. Make the most of your time together and hopefully you will remember the good times and not the rest when the time comes. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jane x

Joyce said...

So sad to hear your news. I hope that you can manage to have lots of lovely moments in the time that remains.

Angie said...

My dearest Meggie, I am so very sad to hear this diagnosis. I think of you both almost every day and wonder...I would give anything to live close to you, to be there to wrap my arms around you and tell you that what will be will be and that you have the strength to get through it, and that one can only be happy that GOM's suffering will end. All quite trite, but oh so heart-felt on my part. You are such a dear part of my 'e-family' that I feel as close to you as one of my birth family...I will be here with shoulders for you to lean on, with quilted hugs to wrap you in, and with love.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Meggie,
Love, courage and true friendship are the only things I can send to you from my little corner, but I'm sending these so very heartfully, with a BIG (((HUG)))

Paula said...

Oh Meggie, there really are no words, except to say my thoughts and prayers are with you.

VioletSky said...

Oh Meggie, I am so sorry. But am so glad that you can have a little humour and some fond memories of your last days together.

ancient one said...

The hardest news...but something we'll all have to face...I am so sorry. I'm so glad GOM felt good enough to make your Mother's day special. Just treasure your good times together. I'm so glad your son is there. (((hugs)))XOXOXO

Catalyst said...

Sad news, Meggie, but it was wonderful that you had the opportunity for that Mother's Day lunch. You must think back over the happy times you have shared with GOM and try not to linger on the sadness.

Pam said...

Oh Meggie, hugs.

Jennifer said...

Dear Meggie, I am so sorry to read today's post. Sending hugs to you and Gom, although we have never met I feel as though I have come to know you both a little through your blog. You will have a lovely memory to hold in your Mother's Day lunch - it will be a treasure.

Mary said...

Dearest Meggie - our brave and dear friend who still seeks life's free treats even at the grimmest of times.

May your remaining time with GOM be peaceful, a time to reflect on your lives together and plenty more moments of your shared sense of humour.

My love to you.

~Sheila~ said...

Dear Meggie, I'm not blogging much these days, but stopped by to see how you were and found this news.
My heart goes out to both of you, and I hope the remaining time you have left together will will be sweet.
Love to you and your family...
big hugs

molly said...

Meggie---Have you got Hospice in your area? They help people at GOM's stage to remain at home with their loved ones rather than going to hospital. Please check if it's available. I;m sure they could help you both enormously....Hugs to you both.

persiflage said...

Dear Meggie, my heart breaks for you. At least you now know, and this time, although so sad and tragic, will also be be very precious. I hope you can get palliative care in good time, and all the help and support you need, both before and after Gom's death. The truth and reality is hard to bear, but still better than doubt and denial. and your love for each other is there, and true, and real, something always to be treasured. My love to you both, and to your children.
As Molly says, hospice care and support is a good thing to have. My dear friend had her last six weeks in the hospice, and her partner spent all his time with her, in a calm, loving and supportive environment.

Kate Quilts said...

Oh Meggie. I and my family have been exactly where you are and my heart is with you. I could tell you to treasure each moment, good and bad, but I know you already know that and will do it. Gom is blessed to know he so loved and you have done all that is within your power.

Emma said...

I am thinking of you at this time, Meggie. I hope that you both can find peace.

Ulrike said...

Dear Meggie, you are such am amazing woman and I so admire the attitude in what you write.
I am thinking of you and GOM and your children and I wish that the weeks to come will be filled with special and beautiful memories.
Wishing you strength and sending you love.

Linds said...

Ah, Meggie.....
Tough days, but you have the time to talk, and that is a real blessing. Laugh about your memories together too, my friend. You know I know, and I wish I could slither through the internetty waves and pop out your end and give you a hug. But I send you my love and just know I - we - will be here. One day at a time.

Cathi said...

Oh, Meggie -- I was so sad to read your post. I do hope you can get some sort of hospice care arranged. How lovely you had such a day out -- making lovely memories. You are in my thoughts.

Unknown said...

Oh Meggie - I am so sorry to hear this - sending you love and hugs from the other side of the world - hope it helps a little to know that we are all thinking of you (((hugs)))

Mary Johnson said...

Meggie, I'm so sorry to read your post today. I hope you are able to get help so he can stay home with you and Leo. When I cared for my FIL a few years ago, Chesty was so good with him and would sit with him every day, it meant a lot.

quiltmom anna said...

I am wishing you more days like your day out for lunch- GOM spirit is strong and he knows he is well loved by his family and friends. You are one strong lady with a great sense of humor- Together you will find the strength and courage to deal with the days ahead.
Sending you a big cyber hug, dear friend.
Warmest regards,

fifi said...


How heartbreaking. How very very sad.
Sending you a very sincere big hug.


The Sagittarian said...

Oh Meggie, what a bugger for you both/all. Thinking of you everyday, and sending hugs. xxx

Stomper Girl said...

Meggie, I'm so sad to hear your news but I admire the courage and attitude shown by you and Gom. Cx

Pauline said...

You are such a strong and lovely woman. You and Gom are lucky to have had one another, and still are. Not everyone has time to say goodbye as you are doing so bravely. I will keep you and your tucked into my prayersleeve.

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

So sad to read this news. After such a hard few months, definitely not what you both need to experience. You are being thought of in this corner of the world.

Jellyhead said...

Meggie, I am so sorry to hear your dear GOM is so sick.

I send you love and wish you strength.

xo Jelly

Christine Thresh said...

I am so glad you and GOM are able to talk about this and share some memories. I've been down this same (or similar) road. This isn't time for pretending. I hope helpful care is available to support you both.
Your Mother's Day outing was amazing. How marvelous that he was able to get out and about with you.
I feel I know you both a little and I admire your spirits.
Your son's care and support is so valuable. My son's presence was a blessing for us.

Tanya said...

I am so sorry to have to read your post about GOM. I don't know what I would do. Yes, try to appreciate the time together you have left but that must be so hard when sadness is crowding in on everyone. It is important to be honest at a time like this but is it better to put on a strong front or break down and cry together? I will be thinking of you both... Thank you for sharing at this very difficult time.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

There are no words to truly express how sorry I am to hear this. I hold you both in my thoughts as you travel this road.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to read about the news of Gom. My heart goes out to you both.

Thimbleanna said...

Oh Meggie -- I've been gone for 10 days and I'm so sorry to read your sad news. Sending you very big hugs as I marvel at your courage. XOXO.