Wednesday, March 22


I have been so pleasantly surprised, and heartened to read comments on my stale old blog! How lovely to think people might still remember me, and read my odd posts.

These last few weeks have been very trying, as far as weather is concerned. The humidity is almost unbelievable! Breathing is well nigh impossible as  one feels like one is drowning. The sweat factor for scalps, and facial features, is unbelievable. I have been taking a drug for my heart, that I have discovered, accentuates this terrible condition. I have told the GP 'I will no longer take said drug'. So, I am prescribed something else. Hmm Not sure it is better.

There is a part of me that wonders why my heart keeps on beating, at it's erratic fashion. Why doesn't it just cease? And the lungs fill with air.  What is that about? why don't they just give up? Quit while they are ahead? It is a very complex affair, this 'being alive.' I don't really understand why the body doesn't just quit, while it is ahead. Who wants to be some mindless shell?

I am very fortunate. i have a roof over my head, I have a comfortable bed, I have warmth, or, more importantly, coolth when I need it. This humidity costs me a small fortune to combat, but at least I have the means to counteract.

I can cook, or not, when i get hungry. I can have cold, or hot food. I have a microwave, an oven, and cooktop. I am blessed with many conveniences. Sometimes I wonder, do I give enough thanks for these things, that so many in the world, do not have.

I sometimes think I need to share my mild fortune with others. I don't have surplus, but I have enough. I am willing to share that.

I would hate to come across as a sanctimonious bitch. there such a thing??... forbid. I just want to try to help those whose path has deviated from the 'norm'. the path less travelled.  They deserve to be respected, just like you and I. 

Sunday, March 19

The Others.

In our family, we have always known of the existence of 'the others'.
They have visited us, quite frequently, really.

You know them too, possibly.
They are the ones who hide sought after items. They are so clever, you feel like a total idiot when you find the object of your search.

You have an object you wish to use for something, or give to someone.

WTH? You suddenly cannot find said object, but yesterday, when you agreed to provide said object, You had  it in your  sight. It has vanished, even though it was within grasp yesterday.

Often, when searching for items that have vanished, in spite of some serious searching, these items suddenly appear in a totally obvious, and  prominent location, sort of like the thumb up the nose. as if to say 'nah nana nah nah!'

I decided the other day, to have baked beans and eggs for breakfast.
Rather rare for me, but there you go.
I could not find a tin of bed beans to save myself. So I went to plan B for breakfast. I can't remember what plan B actually was, but it must have fled the void.

The thing that shocked me, when I decided to purchase a tin of Baked Beans, I finally discovered about 5 tins in the pantry!
What the Hell?
They had been concealed, courtesy of the others. they had been invisible when I needed them. They seemed to jump out and mock me in the end.

'The Others' have been about for most of my/our lives.
They play tricks on our observations, on our powers of observation, and our sense of belief!


There is a phrase that is attributed to the Irish, 'May you always have enough'. I find this is my measure of my life.
I don't wish to have more than my share. I don't wish to be 'rich' in the monetary sense. I am rich in the sense of friends and family.
I am rich in the fact that I have a comfortable bed. I have food, should I desire it. I have wonderful friends who support me, in spite of knowing me, warts and all!

All I have ever wanted is 'enough'. I don't want more, but there have been times when I have wanted more, so that I could assist my family. I hate to watch relatives suffer. I always want to be able to assist them.

However, there is the thought that they are walking their own path, with the highs and lows, that will enevitably bring,  trials and difficulties .

Being a parent, to a baby you gave birth to, never becomes easier. no matter how old, you, or they, become.
A parent is for life, whether you want it or not.

I can look back on my parents, whose story is very sad. I don't really know how they lived through it all, but I guess it is the same as me, living through my grief and loss of husband, then son.
You don't have any choice, your heart keeps beating, (though you don't know why) and your lungs continue to fill, involuntarily. You are stuck with 'life'. Suffer.  Like an ugly, lifetime sentence, for everything that has been.

I don't really believe in Karma. But, i often wish I did.

So, my parting thought is, I still, just want to have enough.