Saturday, September 29

I Smell a Rat!

Be glad, there are no pictures attached!

Around Thursday, which is the day of our garbage collection, Gom kindly offered to mop the kitchen floor. Which is a tedious chore that we share.

I had mopped said floor on Monday. We need to do it regularly, due to racing dogs flying in the door, complete with muddy feet, or leaves attached to feet.

As the water was still hot, I had left it to cool, in the bucket, out in the back yard. I forgot to empty the water.

Thursday morning, Gom went to empty the bucket, & to his horror, discovered there was a dead rat in the water!

Rats are not unusual in our neighbourhood, horrifying as that may sound. We do live quite close to a variable sized creek, & of course rats love waterways. So we have baits laid, downstairs, & in the back of the pantry, and the back of the stove recess, in case of rodent visitations.

The type of bait we use is one that makes the rodents seek water urgently, once they have consumed it. So, to find a rat, dead in a bucket of water, seemed quite 'logical'. In a hideous, ugly, sad, kind of way.

Gom duly got the body drained, & tied securely in a plastic bag. Which he then took for disposal in our rubbish bin. As luck would have it the collection truck had just emptied our bin.

On Saturdays we quite often visit garage sales, if there are any on, in our vicintity. We have found some amazing 'treasures' on our jaunts, & also, made some very nice friends.

This morning, we decided to have a look at a few sales. Gom has some 'suspect' sneakers, ( trainers, call then what you will) which I wish he would not wear. However I try not to nag. But one thing I purely detest is smelly feet.

So off we go, finding a small trash treasure or 2, to gladden Meggie's heart.

I had bought a shirt for Small Grandson during the week, & took it to give to him, on the way to a sale in the same street that they live in.We find there is something our Daughter J may be interested in having. So back to her place to collect her, & off we go back to the sale.

She does like the item, a Futon for next to nothing. They can deliver it to her!! Even better. Then Meggie spies a deep-step ladder, which is what she had craved, being so scared of heights, & ladders. For the pricely sum of $3!! A total bargain !! So M buys said ladder, & happily sets off for the car, with a glowering Gom behind the wheel, & DJ & SG in the backSeat.

Gom leaps out of the car hastily saying. "I will put it in the boot for you!!" Meggie says, "It is OK, I have the key, & I can put it in the boot!" Then, ... the boot us open! Out pours the most hideous stench!!! I spy a Wheetbix box.
"What is that doing in the boot? What the heck?" "Oh MG, what is that stench???!!!"

Gom, slinkingly, "That is the Rat. It was too vile to put in the bin. It was too late for the collection!"
I am thinking 'What kind of insane person puts a dead rat in the car boot?? '
He assures me it is wrapped, & 'sealed' in a plastic bag, then another, & wrapped , & tucked into the Wheetbix box!

I am insane with the horrifying stench. How could he subject us to that?? I am on the point of hysteria!! What kind of MAD person does something like this???

DJ is cringing in the back seat! SG is a little bewildered? What is all this about?? Almost gagging, as DJ says, " Why is the rat in the boot?" Having heard the story about it's death, & subsequent discovery.

Gom stammers, & kerfuffles. Which is short for being embarrassed & feeling caught out, & feeling slightly stupid. He had been hoping to "dump it into a skip." We found one at the local village shops. Dare I say, I hope the rat is laid to rest... at last! Complete with healthy Wheetbix box!!

*** And on to other Irrits!!!!

WTH is up with these fatuous Twits on TV news bulletins.
"This is FOC WIT BC, Reporting on The Latest Air Disaster in which 100 Unfortunate Souls Died. We now have with us DR PROCTORBRAIN, who is an expert on these matters"

"Welcome DR PROCTERBAIN, what can you tell us about this horrifying disaster?"

"Thankyou FOC WIT BC, This has obviously happend due to some hideous accident"

"Thank you for being with us DR PROCTORBRAIN, for this report! And giving us your expert opinion!"

Slight bow to the camera, smirks, & casts eyes downward, in fake modesty.

WTF!!!???. They are 'reporting' - I use the term in vaguest frivolity- on some effing hideous disaster/world tragedy/ national disaster, & at the conclusion of the Effing useless!! interview, they say "MY PLEASURE"!!!??? Callous swine!

I live whith GOM. I am a bloody GOW!! No wonder!!!

Simon & Garfunkel, Celia


Joyce said...

When my daughter lived in Byron Bay she found a rat swimming in the toilet. SHe slammed the lid down, put something heavy on it and in the morning called her girlfriend over to dispose of it for her. She had a very loyal friend because she did the dirty deed. I don't think it went into the boot of the car though. Lol.

smilnsigh said...

Mmmmmmmmmmmm... Left dead rat in trunk {our boot} of car. Too vile to put in the bin, but not too vile, to carry around in the car?

Why didn't he dig a hole and bury it, without plastic wrap, that is?

Big sigh comin' at ya'.


Angie said...

Oh Meggie, you continue to delight me! You really should write that book about your life---it would be a best-seller!! :D (Still ROFLMAO) (Isn't that just like a man to think of putting it in the boot of your car ROFLLLLLLLLL)

~Bren~ said...

Poor guy thought he was "protecting" you from the stench in the trash can...gotta love him for trying!

Linda G. said...

Oh meggie, only you can have us laughing out loud with dead rats and air disasters!
The book is a must!

Tanya Brown said...

Oh, Meggie! I woke up with horrid headache behind my eyes, but the instant I read your story I laughed it right out. The elements of this story are just perfect.

I read your story to my husband. He said "This further substantiates my theory that men are pigs who have no common sense." I think he's just saying that to excuse the state of his bathroom, though.

Tanya Brown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
His Office, My Studio said...

I am still laughing because of what GOM did and the last comment about GOM and GOW.

I hate rats so I am not laughing about you having them. We get mice in the yard and the dogs love to bring them to me.

molly said...

I shuddered along with you at the thought of that rat in the trunk! We have lots of trees in our area and so it is to be expected that there are rats among them. We had to move a bird feeder hanging outside one of our windows when it became apparent that the birdseed was attracting furry creatures with long scaly tails too close to the house!

ancient one said...

I'm with you... what was he thinking? LOL You should write that book !!

And the "reporting", I agree with also. How quickly the face changes to a somber look for the tragedy, and how that fake smile starts right back up at the the last word of that report.

fifi said...

oh, meggie, here I am pretending to be doing very important work and in actual fact sneaking a look at your story, I laughed so hard, in complete silence, that tears came o of my eyes and I think my eardrums popped too.


Lucy said...

They do say in the UK you are never more than 10 feet(or some such piffling distance) from a rat.

Thinking about a meme type thing about the oddest thing you ever kept in a car boot, I have to admit in ours it was someone's ashes...

On a more tasteful note, I love your birds of paradise; when we were in Aus this time last year, they were quite irresistible to photograph.

Also, 'Proctorbrain' is such a brilliant name for those people, I think I shall call them that henceforward!

Anonymous said...

You never let us down with your stories Meggie. I just love it! The rat in the boot was hilarious but Dr. Proctorbrain is priceless! Thank you.
I also notice that the TV reporters say some of the most stupid things. I really do have to wonder who employs them and further more, how they manage to hold onto their jobs.

Alice said...

Feeling better now, Meggie? What with a stinking rat and Dr Proctorbrain, it was quite a day that you had.

Andrea said...

I detest rats with a vengeance ! I would have thrown my DH in the skip along with the rat - lol !

Gretchen said...


Joni said...

Okay that is weird I will admit! Do you perhaps own a shovel?? That is what we do with most of our carcasses.

Mike said...

Interesting because I just pulled a dead mouse out of my sump pit today. He had somehow gotten in there, drowned and then landed in such a way that he stopped the little float thing on the sump from tripping. It was a near flood caused by a stupid dead mouse.

meggie said...

Hi All,
Just felt I have to say, in Gom's defence, that burial is not really an option. We dont have any uncovered soil in our front gardens, as it is all covered with mulch- though some is getting a little thin. There are sometimes neighbourhood dogs roaming about at night, & they would likely dig the buried item up, anyway.
So, for the same reason, he couldnt bury it in our backyard, because of our dogs, so a disposal was necessary.
I do regard putting it in the boot of the car, as the act of a fool, & now, I think he is of the same opinion.

Pam said...

Thanks for sparing us the rat pictures, but I do like the strelizia. Fancy being able to grow them outside. My father used to grow them, but only in the greenhouse, in our chilly Scottish climate.

LBA said...

UGH !! Husbands .. who would put a freaking dead rat in the boot indeed ?!?!? ugh !!

Cecelia is one of my fave songs :)