Thursday, September 17

Interviewing the Oranges.

In my curmudgeonly GOWness, I become enraged about strange things.

I see no reason to have thrust upon me, stupid interviews with talentless who the feck cares anyway sets of mammaries or muscles, of supposed talent.

I really don't care what some stupid bimbo is doing with her body or partners or what names she is inflicting on her kids. I dont care who is currently attempting to 'sing', or even 'act'. (Unless of course, it was the hopelessly flat & tuneless male, polluting the whole mall with his ghastly 'singing' of old Italian songs, such as Amore, Funicule funicula! (I apologise for the perhaps wrong spelling here.) His white hair appeared tinged with Ginger! Had he dyed it? Or is it some new fashion? I concluded they were attempting to drive what little custom they have left, out of this dying Mall.

Later I spoke to a woman who was 'delighted by the singing' & 'so thrilled when the singer kissed my cheek when I joined in'. Good grief, I had better hold my toungue, then!

It is true. It takes all sorts to make the world what it is.

You may notice I have updated my header with our lovely cream Clivea, which literally is a Free Treat, since a kind neighbour gave us the plant.

Here, for my entertainment, is,
Interview with the Oranges.

"Good morning Orange. I see you have an odd scar there? May I ask how you acquired that?"

"No, you may not. Well you may, but I won't be able to answer you. It happened when I was a very small fruit, hardly out of bud, really, so I have no real memory of it. Even if I did, I am sure I would wish the trauma to be forgotten, so I don't really appreciate your asking about it. Nor photographing the scar."

" Oh! I am sorry to hear you feel that way. I did not ask to offend in any way. I just thought it an interesting feature, & felt people might be interested in knowing the story behind the, er, the blemish."

Orange, snarling a little now, "There you go again. Why persist with something you know makes me uncomfortable? Do you have to take another picture? No wonder we hate being interviewed!"
Turning to the next in the bowl,
"Wait a minute! You are not an Orange are you? You are a lemon, pretending to be an Orange! Are you hoping for some of the spotlight to wash onto you?"
Lemon, a little huffily,
"I dont need reflected spotlight! I am glorious enough in my own right! I just stumbled in here by mistake! Don't you go accusing me of something I did not do! I am more than happy to be Lemon, & certainly do not wish to be an Orange!" Door slamming.
"Haha, that did not exactly go well did it? Now, where was I? Oh yes I was about to ask you, Orange, about your prominent & extremely noticeable navel?"

Seond Orange is outraged.
"There you go again, focusing on the completely useless and most negative aspects of us, as Oranges. How dare you spotlight such a personal matter?"
"Well, I really had no idea it was such a delicate point. I was just curious & thought the viewers or reader might be interested too. I can't help but notice, some of you have hardly noticeable navels. In fact you could be confused with other varieties of Orange? Grapefruit perhaps?"
Orange rearing up, appearing utterly outraged, ready to storm from the interview.
"Grapefruit? Grapefruit?!" Screams can be heard, then sobbing.
"Can't you see what a trauma it was to be separated from my mother? I mean, I still bear evidence of the wrench. Then you have the temerity to suggest I could be a Grapefruit?"
"I had no idea what a touchy subject this was. Do you have some sort of grudge against Grapefruit? They seem harmless to me."
"Everybody knows how damaging they can be for sufferers of high blood pressure! How dare you put us in the same category! Hmph, I dont wish to be interviewed further."
Dashes off.
Shuffle of papers. Frowning at the unfortunate turns the interview has taken.
Then suddenly, like a spot of sunshine, a very different Orange appears.

A positive showoff of an Orange. Flashing & turning to pose.
Flaunting the bright stripe!
"Aha, I see we have a definite *Star* of an Orange here?
What a beautiful Stripe you have, so distinctive. Do you think this will be to your advantage in the search for Orange fame?"
"Well let's just say, it can't hurt, can it. I mean obviously, I was born for stardom. I don't wish to seem immodest or appear boastful, but honestly, have you ever seen another Orange quite like me?"
Turns a little, the better to catch the light.
"Well, I must say you are certainly very attractive. Very attractive. In fact I am tempted to eat you, to see if you taste any different from your peers.
I really want to say Thankyou for being so gracious. Your fellow Oranges did not seem to appreciate the spirit of this Interview!"
The interviewer/GOW steps out to the garden to admire the new plantings of Lettuce & Rocket.
Notes how quickly beastly little insect has discovered tender rocket leaves!

This GOW has devised a cunning plan to foil the Garden Vandal.
If all the herbs, lettuces, vegetables etc, are planted in planters, surely the GV cannot use the excuse he thought they were weeds?
Since the GV has denuded the gardens of all vegetation, this has caused the largely clay-like soil to compact into something resembling brown concrete.
Concrete completely beyond Meggie's capacity to dig up.
Planters are being acquired. I got a beaut, large, terracotta pot for $5 at a garage sale. I have been thinking of using cardboard cartons as planters to put vegetables in. They should last the time needed to grow whatever, then they can just simply rot back into the garden once their purpose has been served.
Recycling & enriching the garden I hope!
Appearance does not matter, it is our sheltered back yard, & only we & friends would see the cartons. I can imagine SG's delight when he sees all the growing things! He is so in love with plants. Perhaps he will inherit his great Grandfather's love of gardening. It seems incredible to think that Gom's father was such a great gardener!

Now some fabulous Kiwi Music. Bows to Amanda!


Thimbleanna said...

You're hysterical Meggie! And may I say that you're a fine interviewer. Please convey my condolences to orange 1 for his scar. ;-)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Such touchy oranges! Loved the interview and good luck with the containers and vegetable plants.

fifi said...

I just merely LOOKED at the shrivelled little mandarin
among the oranges in the fruit bowl,

"Dont even start"
it said, in a sour little voice.

Meggie, have you started something here??

Marigold Jam said...

Meggie - I loved your interviews - how refreshing to look at life from another angle! I do sometimnes wonder if I am the only one who has this or that opinion so it was good to see that I am not the only GOW out here who doesn't share the majority view. We can be different and it really doesn't matter. You have started my day off with a smile. Many thanks.


Mary said...


Enjoyed your very imaginative post. LOL Gave me a chuckle.

Thanks so much for dropping by my Writing Nook and entering my draw. Nice to meet you. I hope you will drop by again sometime.


ancient one said...

Loved your interview of the fruits! I get sick of all the interviews of the "stars"... the same few people get all the attention...

Now that growing in cardboard might be a winner. Do it and then show it off... promote your green idea... you might get to be famous.. the next year the box factories will be making the boxes more beautiful to hold your plants and shooting up the costs...LOL

Ali Honey said...

I love your cream Clivia!

What pray tell are the oranges going to say or do when you take a knife to them?

Container planting is a good idea - things grow even faster than in the ground, but you must keep them well watered. Good luck.

Christine Thresh said...

I have never thought of interviewing fruits. I never knew they had such stories to tell. I never knew they were so sensitive.

Marja said...

Did you make that up. That interview was delightful It is always a pleasure to read your post. I also bought some pots for the garden I am really enjoying the spring and the son and plotting about outside. Have a great day Meggie

Reeze Hanson said...

You have some touchy fruit. Yet I thought your questions insightful and sensitive, and can't see why they were so unwilling to talk. I so enjoy reading your blog! Bravo.

Warty Mammal said...

LOL. I adore you.

My brain is full now. May I be excused?

Tanya said...

Your interview made me laugh!