Thursday, October 12

Dont like shopping!

Unless, of course, it is for fabric!
I love pottering about at garage sales, & have made some wonderful fabric finds among things other folk no longer want! The price is always right, & it adds considerable variety to my stash.

This is a cushion I made from an 'Australian Country Threads' Vol.4, No.6. magazine Pattern. It was designed by Colleen Archbold, & I really liked the design. However, though I made it for myself, my dog, Teenage Hoodlum Leo, has claimed it for his own, & he always uses it for a pillow, but he flips it over, so he is using the back, which is the green stripe fabric. It is definitely his favourite, & no other cushion will do.

This cushion is made using Colleen's basic pattern, but I added appliqued Teddies, as I made it for a friend who just loves teddybears. I used a stitchery pattern by Julie Lovell from the same magazine, but I wanted to do applique instead. I am sure she wouldnt mind. My friend was happy with her cushion.

For the gardeners among us- those who dont have my type of brown thumbs, I just wanted to post this nice pic of Nice Neighbour's lovely succulent garden. She is so talented & she makes lovely miniature gardens in pots, using succulents too. I must get her to send me some photos of her pot gardens. She is the mother of Beautiful Beau.And here is Beau keeping an eye on procedures!

We have been out to a Westfield today, shopping for small grandsons birthday on Sunday. I find those hard Malls so tiring, & my knee give me a great deal of misery. Specialist has advised me I definitely need a new knee!
We took Daughter J, & Small grandson. He does not like shopping much, & has just seemed to decide he will demand everything he sees, which is a pity, as he was never like that before. I was swooning over all the lovely little babies we saw, & DJ said she is very sorry, but it wont be her to produce any more. Seeing she has given us our Almost Adult Granddaughter as well as Small Grandson, & she is not exactly maternal, she has done more than her share.

Which brings me to a question I would like to put 'out there' so to speak.
Almost Adult Granddaughter is now 17, & as she had grown up not ever knowing her father, or her father's family, she asked me to try to contact them. I wont say they deliberately tried to hide, but it seems very strange to me, that the father, plus his 3 siblings, plus his parents, had no listings in phone books, & no entries on the electrol rolls. However, I became determined for Granddaughter's sake, to let her father know she wished to have contact with him.

To cut a long story short, the Grandmother contacted me, sounded very happy to have contact, & arranged a meeting, for she & Grandfather to meet Granddaughter. I had never formally met the other grandparents, but had spoken on the phone to the grandmother, many times, & also spoken to her in person, from a window. (Dont ask-I will just say, bizarre, & part of the reason the relationship broke down.)

Granddughter was thrilled to learn she had 1/2 brothers. She was a bit sad to learn that her father didnt want contact- at present. A meeting was duly arranged between Daughter J, Granddauthter & the 'other grandparents. They made a great fuss of granddaughter, & promised to contact her again, as they happened to be moving temporarily, to our neck of the woods.

My question is this; They promised contact, & have been here now for over 2 months. Granddaughter has not had a call or word from them since. Naturally she is upset, as she feels it was their move next, & they had made such a fuss over her, promising plenty of contact, & meetings with other family, & cousins. She is a pretty girl, & very like her father, which they couldnt get over. I know Granddaughter feels very hurt about things, & conveniently, (or not) we dont have a phone number for them again.

I must admit I was disappointed in her father too, I feel she has a right to have contact with him. I know it is complicated, as he has just married recently for the first time, & is having custody issues with the mother of his sons.

I just feel sorry for my beautiful granddaughter who feels so rejected.
Opinions??? Please.


My float said...

It's hard to know what to say to such a difficult situation. I feel for your granddaughter because at 17 she is just exploring her place in the world, and is looking to gauge who she is before she ventures out into the big big world. My feeling is that it's her father's loss, and whatever the heck is going on with her father's family, it's probably best that she's not involved in it.

So maybe the best thing to do is to encourage her to look inside herself for answers about who she is; to teach her that she is who she is becase of the people she's had around her, not because of the people who haven't been there. (Which is a very difficult thing to do with teenagers, I know, I remember what it was like.)

I read somewhere that a grandmother developed a tradition of taking her grandchildren away on a special trip, one on one, when they reached a certain age. I think she took them o/s but I imagine that time with you and GOM, somewhere other than where she is at the moment, would help a little. And also to explore activities that get her out and about, like volunteering or sports or something that takes her mind off herself, so to speak.

Sorry to ramble!

meggie said...

Float, feel free to ramble.
We have all felt perhaps she was better off not knowing the 'other family' - but having grown up without my father in my life, I feel very torn for her. I have a continuing grieving for my father, & of course, now he is gone forever.
I was lucky to have close contact with his sisters & brother, so have known family, at least.

Grandaughter has spent a great deal of time in our company, as DJ worked full time when she was small, & I was principal carer, with GOM besotted with her since her birth. Her colouring &looks are so like his daughter who died, I feel he sees her in Granddaughter every time he sees her.

DJ tends to think it is their loss, & at times so does Granddaughter, but a teenage girl has a tough time identifying with males, I think. She doesnt really see eye to eye with SIL, so there is conflict there. She is very unsure of her future & also of what direction she wants her life to take, & I had thought perhaps if she had contact with the other family she might find it helped her direction.

She tells me she is glad she met them, & took a great liking to her other Grandfather- whose birthday is the same date as GOM's!

Jenni @ Fairybread said...

It is shame for her that the other family seems unreliable. But it sounds like there is nothing else to be done if you don't know their new number. My float's answer is a good one. Lack of male role models is difficult for a girl that age as I guess she is looking for male guidance as she starts to date guys, and probably instinctively looks for a trusted male to 'measure' them against. I think you have done what you can in a difficult situation. Are there any other trusted men around that you could point to as positive role models? Friends of the family, teachers?

nutmeg said...

This is a very difficult situation. It is really very hard to know what is truly going on in the other grandparent's heads. The enthusiasm of the visit followed up by no contact is hard to fathom. From experience, some people hide their discomfort behind over exuberance. They don't know how to direct their fear. They then don't follow through with their promises. This is all well and good; but it doesn't really help the hurt your granddaughter feels. Being surrounded by people, like yourselves, who truly care can only result in a positive outcome. She will know what and whom really matters in life.

(As a short aside I was reading through your "over-rated meme" and was nodding along happily until I read the word "chai". Hey, I'm addicted I have to say. But I'll let you off seeing you're not a tea drinker! Ha Ha ;-))

joyce said...

It sounds to me like the other family is one to avoid. Maybe the father talked to the other grandparents and asked them not to have further contact. I also have a Granddaughter who has never met her biological father. Luckily, my son has been a big part of her life since she was less than a year old. This means that she has a very positive male role model and she doesn't really want to meet the other family. I hope your granddaughter finds someone like that to fill the void left by her biological father.

Anonymous said...

That's a sad situation for your granddaughter...similar to Joyce, I wonder if her father said something to his parents?!

I love the bright colours of your first cushion.

Angie said...

I LOVE your cushion! I just received about 8 back issues of Australian Country Threads...I adore the Aussie quilty magazines! I'm so sorry that your grandaughter is having such a time. Hope she is able to either establish a relationship or move to some closure there. It's a tough situation for her and you. Actually, MyFloat said for me what I couldn't get down in words, as difficult as that may be for her. Good luck to both of you.

meggie said...

Hi everyone, Thanks for your words of wisdom.
DJ's first instinct was to just raise our granddaughter on her own, with us for support, because the other family were... shall we say, 'difficult'. Granddaughter's father was a nice young man, but was pressured by his mother.

Having rec'd no support of any sort from them over the years, DJ was content to leave things as they were, but AA granddaughter wished to know them in some way.

Her initial reaction after meeting them was, that she didnt wish further contact, but she changed her mind, & now she is just hurt, I think, to think they dont want to see her again, or attempt to get to know her.
DJ is angry now, after initially bearing no grudge- we tend to be 'fatalists'.
We all say, they dont deserve the priveledge of knowing our lovely Granddaughter... but that is still no consolation in the long run. Am sure AAG will overcome this setback, & move on with her life.

Stomper Girl said...

Sounds like you've been a really great supportive grandma over this. How awful for your grand-daughter. Well done to your family for making the effort and if they want to follow up they will when they are ready. I suppose we don't know what pressures are being brought to bear on them at this point in time... but it makes me sad to think of young people/ kids being treated like that, do these people forget she is a human being with feelings? I hope some good will come from this one day.

"Grandi" said...

Unfortunately donating sperm doesn't necessarily make you a father. As much as your darling granddaughter would love to believe that if they just had a chance to get to know each other they would live happily ever after, it probably isn't going to happen. If she gets really down over it, you might suggest some counseling for her. The man has not earned the title of father and it sounds like he has asked his parents to back off too. I hope your granddaughter can find joy and support in the family she does have, and let the others go. She reached out, and they know where to find her - if they choose not to, it is not in any way a reflection on her. The man is obviously irresponsible and incredibly selfish. This is not someone who would have the ability to be a strong role model for a young girl!! His family have apparently made their decision - it is their loss.

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