Sunday, October 21

Waiting Games.

There are many waiting games we play throughout our lives.
We wait to be born.
We wait to begin school.
Go off to High School or University.

Wait to wed. Or not. Usually wait to meet Mr or Ms Compatible.
Wait for our child/ren to be born.
Wait for them to begin school.
Leave school.
Begin careers.

Marry again.
Or repartner.

They begin their 'cycles of heaven', for want of a better phrase.
The older generation continues to wait.
For Grandchildren. If we are very lucky.

For Birthdays, Christmas. Holidays. Family Celebrations.

Then there are the agony waits. A child is ill, hospitalised.
We wait with terror, for the verdict, telling us it will all be ok.
For some, it will not be ok.

We wait for the grief, & the anger to pass.
We wait to try to heal.

A parent is ill. Dying in fact. Though that is terribly hard to face initially.
When the final realisation comes, it is a nurse who gently tells.
Were the Doctors cowards? Uncaring? Disinterested?
It looked a lot like that from where we stood.

That was our perception, as our loved one lay dying in a grubby, shabby, 'treatment room'.
Devoid of windows. Full of leftover equipment, broken or useless.
Full of detritus of ward life.
It felt to us, like a final insult at the end of a good, caring & loving life.

Now we are so fearful again.
Son in law is in hospital.
In such fierce pain, he is on a morphine drip.

He helped us yesterday, to move furniture.
He was in a great deal of pain then.
He didn't want to let us down.
Now he is undergoing all sorts of tests to try to determine what is wrong with him.

Tests have ruled some things out.
More tests are yest to determine the cause of his pain.

We are waiting at home. Waiting to hear the next step.
Our Daughter J, is waiting by his side.

I want to tell his parents.
If that was my child, I would be furious if I wasn't told.

He is adamant he doesn't want them told.
They are not as close a family as we are... but,
My Mother's heart quakes in fear.


Quote from The Prophet, Kalil Gibran.

"And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said,
Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons & daughters of Life's longing for itself.
The come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as
living arrows are sent forth.
The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the
infinite, and He bends you with His might that His
arrows may go swift & far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He
loves also the bow that is stable."

As you all know, if you read these posts, I have no "Religion". But I love the words of wisdom in this little book. It just seems like such common sense.
Of course we don't own our chilren. Of course they should not be like us.
But I feel we have the right to love & cherish them.

Mozart, Anything at all!


Anonymous said...

I hope that your wait is short and the news you receive is good. I will be thinking about you and your family.

Tanya said...

Oh dear. I have loved Kahlil Gibran works too. I hope you won't mind that I prayed for your son-in-law...

LBA said...

s given "The Prophet" on my wedding day.

I believe in the bow and the arrows afar - I am not close to family either.

Support his wishes, and I hope he is home and well soon.

crafty said...

Waiting is hard. What Tracey said.

Thanks for the Khalil Gibran quote.

Joyce said...

I really hope that everything turns out well. I can't imagine having a son in that condition and not being told. I too would be furious, but I guess different families do things in different ways. Waiting feels so helpless but there is nothing else to be done is this kind of situation.

Jess said...

I used to say that between my husband and my mother I never had to worry - that what ever could happen, one of them would worry and think of it first...

That said, I didn't tell my mom about my breast scare until it was over. To me it was kinder not to let her know until I had definate news.

I will be thinking of you and your all day, M.

Jeanne said...

Oh, Meggie, I hope everything turns out right with your SIL. It's hard to know what to say sometimes -- life is hard to understand. I'll be waiting here with you.

Lucy said...

Thinking of you Meggie.
Thanks for writing such a moving post in your anxiety,and I hope with all my heart it will be well.

Mike said...

I hope everything turns out alright with you son in law Meggie.

CONNIE W said...

Here's hoping that all works out well for DSIL and it's nothing life-threatening serious and can be treated easily enough.
I am one of "those people" who has very little appreciation of poetry. I have favorites and so those I do enjoy, but in general I avoid it because it eludes me. I wonder why, because I'm such a reader and have such varied taste in what I read. Makes me wonder when & how I arrived on this no-poetry path...probably back in high school when it was required reading and I disliked so much of it...and then never moved on. I'm embarrassed to admit it but here I am doing so. Perhaps because I'm sort of a purist and therefore the abstract-ness of poetry doesn't fit me. Hmmmmmm.....will ponder this...

Joni said...

The waiting game it is! I hope things turn out right. That is one of my favorite quotes and I believe it so true.

Linda G. said...

I'm here too, Meggie...thinking of you.. and wishing the best for your son in law..and all your family.
I've not read The Prophet in a long time, and you've inspired me to read it again..

Jo said...

Omigosh, I hope your son-in-law is okay. I will send good vibes out to the universe for him. I am not "religious" per se, either, but I am philosophical. I have always loved the works of Kahlil Gibran.

Please keep us posted.

Catalyst said...

May your son in law have good fortune, Meggie. We are presently having a similar situation with the BRD and worrying through it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Meggie, Thank you for sharing your SIL's trouble with us. Like you I would want to know what is going on but your SIL is very sensible. He doesn't want to worry his parents unduly. That is good. If this is something which has just happened to him, then I am sure all will be well. Sudden acute pain is very debilitating and frightening. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

Angela said...

Praying for good news.

ancient one said...

Thinking of you and son in law! Prayers are with you.

I liked the quote and think I have some of the prophet's books around here somewhere. Might try to find them.

I can understand that he might not want to worry his family.

I can also understand your wanting them to know.

Some situations are best by agreeing to do what the person in pain wants and hope the parents understand.

I pray for his complete and speedy recovery . ~Ann

Emma said...

I hope son-in-law is ok soon. My (sadly ex) brother in law was on such bad terms with his mother that he did not tell her when he and my sister were divorced. Mum was very unhappy about that, but there was nothing she could do. His Mum was a piece of work, I gather.

My thoughts are with your family, I know how dear they all are to you.

Tanya Brown said...

Oh, crap. I'm so sorry. And what an irony that some of the most beautiful work, such as your post, comes from life's aches.

meggie said...

Hi All,
First of all there is no fresh news, but he on intravenous antibiotics, as there is massive infection indicated from the scans. He is also on the urgent surgery waiting list, just in case.
He has also agreed his parents need to know, but our daughter has been unable to contact them. They have been away for the weekend.
It appears it could be his Gall Bladder- he is a chocoholic, & eats it daily. I believe this can be very detrimental to the gall bladder, or so my MIL was told. However she lived to a very old age!
We are keeping our fingers crossed, that all will be well.
And thankyou for your prayers. I believe in & respect all positive thoughts.

Harmany Quilting said...

Thinking of you all Meggie

Nicola in West Australia

Flea said...

Meggie, that is so truly sad but I wish your s.i.l a quick recovery.
The poem is just truly beautiful and as a mother it's almost sad, you want to yell out "their're mine all mine" LOL. ;-)

Aunty Evil said...

Sending positive thoughts out to your SIL Meggie.

I hope he is ok.

Leanne said...

I hope all is O.K. with your SIL. My thoughts are with you. I think this horrible world were everybody wants to sue doctors has made them seem uncaring.

Marja said...

Meggie I hope that this wait for you isn't long. Although we have to set our children free and our children in law, we will never cease to love them. Sent you all the strenght from Christchurch.

riseoutofme said...

Oh Meggie, I am so sorry for your heartache.

My thoughts are with you.

Ali Honey said...

I am sending calming, caring vibes/ thoughts for you and healing ones for SIL.

Common sense, love and concern are pretty good ideals to live by.

Hugs from Ali.

Alice said...

Meggie, I truly hope that your son-in-law's condition will soon be diagnosed and successfully treated. Although he may not be close to his own family, he certainly hit the jackpot when he joined yours.

Blessings and love to you all.

Ian Lidster said...

May your son in law be well, and the waiting 'game' is never a game, in truth.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Unknown said...

Just caught up with your posts from a busy weekend Meggie - hope all will be well (((hugs)))

smilnsigh said...

Oh I am so sorry for all of you, at this time. And so hope there will be a diagnosis soon. With a diagnosis, treatment can begin. I so hope.

And maybe your son-in-law knows more about why his family should not be told... Maybe...

Gentle hugs to you, at this hard time...


molly said...

Hoping and praying that all will be well, Meggie. That "On Children" quote is one of my all-time favourites....

Julia said...

Dear Meggie,
I hope everthing turns out well for your SIL.
Will be thinking of you all..

Judy said...

Oh Meggie, I hope your waiting ends with good news. So many things are beyond our controlling, beyond our loving and caring and our trying to help. A long, warm hug to you and your loved ones.

My float said...

Oh Meggie, I hope you have good news soon. It must be very difficult for your family right now. Loads of hugs from my end.

Granny J said...

May life ignite a healing light for your son-in-law.

Shari Mead said...

The waiting game is one I know a bit about. I most definately have learnt patience through waiting. Hoping all goes well for you and your family.

Quilting Kim said...

Meggie - So sorry to hear about your SIL - I truly hope there is good news soon. I'm sending lots of positive wishes for both you and your daughter.